move on

Ah, exes. Aren’t they wonderful? They promised you the moon and the stars at first. Then, towards the middle of the relationship, their true colours began to show, but you ignored some of those red flags because you wanted to give the relationship a chance. Finally, after many red flags had been waved, you surrendered and allowed yourself to exit this relationship. But, do you still struggle with giving yourself permission to move on? As determined as you are to get over your former flame, there might still be a part of you that is holding on to the memories in what you hoped would be a long lasting love affair. You know in your heart whether or not you need to let go of your ex. If you don’t know how to let go of a relationship that is no longer serving you, here are some tried and true ways to break ties with your past and move forward in the future:

Accept that moving on will take time

I used to think that I would always carry a torch for some of my former flames. But, now, I am happy that I no longer feel the need to ignite the sparks that I used to feel for some of my exes. I now see no point in trying to reignite a relationship that didn’t work in the past, and time has given me much needed perspective. Can you relate to this mindset? If not, you will eventually feel the same way. You need to accept that healing from a break up, much like building a relationship, is a process that requires time and strategic planning. That’s not to say that you should wallow in your misery of missing your ex. You need to do everything possible to get the grieving and rebuilding process underway.

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The first step is to deliberately distance yourself from anything that reminds you of your ex. Turn down the framed pictures of you your ex posing together. Toss or donate the gifts that your ex gave you. Holding on to the things that you associate with your past love will delay the moving on process. You are the only person who can give yourself a fresh new start.

Search for examples of successful relationships

One of the hardest parts of letting go of an ex is the fact that in doing so, you feel that you’re letting go of your goal to be with the right person. The breakdown of your past relationship does not need to determine how your future relationships will go. Only you can prepare yourself for a more fulfilling and successful relationship opportunity. The Internet is filled with websites featuring true stories of men and women who picked themselves up from relationship disappointments, dusted themselves off, and tried again. Use your local bookstore or library to find motivational books and tools. Study those books and learn from people who have experienced and overcome their disappointments.

Be proactive about searching for examples of people who pursued their ideal lifestyles. If you don’t search for motivational stories about people who rebuilt their lives, then you won’t find information. Before you search, you first need to be willing to seek what you’re after. You will know that you are ready to let go of your ex when you focus your mind on what you want to build instead of focusing on your emotions over how you feel about what you lost.

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Create a new routine

You and your ex won’t be going to movies, clubs, restaurants, or any more social events together. That part of your life with each other is over. The last thing you should do is isolate yourself from other people. Reach out to friends and even to strangers, and fill your datebook with new events. If you’re strapped for cash, you can create some “home” events that don’t require spending money. These new events can be as simple as writing thank you cards or emails to the people who have helped you in special ways throughout your life. Organize your sock drawer. Or, watch a movie at home, take a walk outside, build a fire in your fireplace; these are all moments that you can enjoy solo or in the company of people.

Try out some new restaurants and clubs that you and your ex never went to. And for goodness sakes, make every effort to avoid listening to songs that you and your ex used to dance to and enjoy together. Keep your mind focused on creating new habits and discovering new pleasures. When you deliberately create a new routine, you won’t have time to think about things like what your ex is doing or if your ex still misses you. When you’re ready to venture into the dating scene again, join a couple of dating websites and local singles groups.

Depending upon how you two broke up, you might feel very angry. Don’t rush to do something illegal and drastic if you’re feeling impatient to get revenge on your ex. The very best revenge that you can get on someone who has disappointed you is to move on from them completely. Living well really is the best revenge, and when you draw firm boundaries in your life, your ex will not be able to interfere with your progress. There are billions of other people on the planet who you can reach out to and form friendships and relationships with. Don’t allow your past disappointments with your ex to prevent you from creating brighter possibilities. You need to be open and willing to welcome new opportunities into your life because new options and people will only be available when you’re ready to look for them.

Akua is a Canadian born and raised girl with Caribbean roots. She is a journalist, actress, music teacher, performer, owner and marketer of 3 worldwide dating websites, as well as an independent Pure Romance business owner selling passion products for singles and couples.

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