female friends

A lot of guys complain about getting friend-zoned. If that’s you, welcome. You’re in the majority. Most men absolutely despise being placed outside of a woman’s sexual selection radar. It affects their male ego in a way that is visceral and deep. I, however, personally love having female friends as there are a lot of benefits to being in the friend zone.

You see, I am addicted to learning and mastering the dating game. I am and have been obsessed with learning and knowing what makes women tick and what makes them tock. For years, I have scoured the internet, books, dating coach programs, but I will tell you this — nothing comes close to learning things firsthand.

Admittedly it is easier if you are already having success with other women. However, no matter where your dating success lies on the spectrum, you can take a lot of value out of having a female friend. In fact, I think it’s weird not to have female friends. They’re people just like you and have a lot to offer you in terms of real friendship, companionship, and support. In fact, I would say they are more supportive and open to being there for you than most of your guy friends.

Failure is where the lessons are

When you fail you get one step closer to succeeding. If attracting a high quality woman is your goal, you must fail. You must fail until you learn how to succeed. If she friend-zones you, great. Now journal out why and what you could do better next time. Do you need more confidence? Do you need to hit the gym? Do you just need more practice? Find out and accept 100% responsibility, always — even if you weren’t actually 100% responsible. This is what champions do.

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Be brutally honest with yourself and start doing the internal and external work needed to succeed next time. Speaking of brutal honesty (which is my coaching style), let me help you to understand why you are getting friend-zoned. It’s simply because you weren’t the man. By that I mean you weren’t honest with yourself. If you are attracted to a girl, say it, show it, and have zero shame. She will appreciate the honesty and have tremendous respect for you even if she isn’t attracted.

Meet quality women easier

Women are like birds: when you see one, you are likely to see many of the same kind. That’s good news for you. Not only did you learn a little something from the friend-zone, but you now are friends with a girl that you are attracted to. Why is that good news?  She is very likely to have female friends that are attractive as well.

If you really become her friend and build trust with her, she will eventually and inevitably introduce you to her friends. According to a recent poll, 39% of partners meet through mutual friends. Now you know.

By the way, I personally have many platonic female friends who have introduced a countless number of women to me. It’s literally the easiest way to meet women. Think about it. She knows you’re not just another creepy guy because she trusts her friend who trusts you. That’s half the battle already done! Now all you have to do is the opposite of what you did with your new and amazing female friend who is better than any wingman could ever even try to be.

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Insider knowledge is power

And now for my last trick! Everyone knows the old quote, “Knowledge is power” by Francis Bacon. Well, I think you know where I’m going with this. This is one of my biggest secrets to my success. Because I naturally get along with men and women just the same, half my friends are female. And these females are amazing people and some of the most fun to hang out with. These amazing women I get to call my friends also have helped me in ways they never knew — they’ve informed me.

Remember when Martha Stewart went to jail?  Do you recall why? Because she had insider information! This information helped her to see what was happening before entering into in the stock market. This is such a huge advantage that it is explicitly illegal. Well… having female friends works just like that! Err.. but without the whole going to jail thing. Win-win!

Having a female friend is one of the most valuable things you can have if you are looking for your dream girl, especially if this friend has a lot of the qualities you would like your dream girl to have.

Why?  Because she will show you her world. She will tell you about the guys she hates, the guys she loves, and all the details in between. She will tell you how she screens men. She will tell you how she wants to be seduced. She will give you the play by play and all the insider information to bet on the right horse on race day!  Whew, that was a lot of analogies in one breath.

I remember having my dating strategy completely changed when I was drinking wine with 2 female friends one night. As we were pouring our 3rd glass of red Zinfandel, my friend Jasmine started talking about meeting men and what she does when she goes out. I pried just a little and boom, that whole door came open. The words came next blew me away. Jasmine, a very attractive girl, said that she loves to go out all dolled up and upon getting approached, will oftentimes reject the guy right away. This, she claimed, is her test. If the guy re-approaches later, he shows a lot of confidence and actually feels like he deserves her, she will then be much more open to chatting with him.

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Now when I go out be it for fun or for work with a client, I don’t settle for one approach anymore. I will re-approach up to 3 times! And no, not in a creepy way. I’m not following or stalking a girl. But if I’m out doing my thing and being social, I will have no hesitation in chatting with the same girl multiple times in a night. This has led to an insane spike in my and my client’s success. This is all because I have attractive female friends.

The point is, having female friends is fantastic. Not only do they actually make amazing friends who will be there when you need it, but they will also open up their world to you. They will let you see through their eyes. So go out there, and get friend-zoned. If you do, you will not have failed but learned what not to do for next time, you’ll meet quality women much easier, and you will get all the information you need to better yourself and your strategy to get your dream girl.

Andrew is an author, dating coach, and speaker based in Orange County, California. He works with men to help them overcome their sticking points and achieve their personal goals in dating.

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