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Everyone desires love. Some find it in nature, activities, animals, people around them and even themselves. The last one is a different kind of love, the base of it.

When you hear the sentence: “You first start by loving yourself”, it’s hard to believe or digest it, especially if you are stuck in a less loving zone or had not so positive relationship experiences. Therefore you may get an unsolved puzzle and questions regarding love as you move forward in a relationship.

Can my partner accept me as I am? Can I get the support I need? Do I give enough? Are we still on the same page? How do I grow the relationship? These questions are always a sign of a new step in a relationship, a natural one, where we look for progress.

My advice from my personal experiences and from couples I’ve interviewed is that wandering alone and having questions is not a negative matter, but keeping it to yourself all the way and manifesting with silence is a dangerous move.

Of course some things you digest by yourself, it’s actually a good practice to be more aware of your capability of connecting with your inner side. Spending some time alone brings no harm neither to you nor to your partner as long as you prepare by letting them know in a calm loving manner that you just need some moments to appreciate and understand what’s going on.

Most of the daily matters you understand and deal with them easily. I am saying ‘most’ because getting to this point you need practice. And by that I mean taking time for yourself and also couple moments where appreciation, sharing feelings and connection are activated.

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By practicing these skills you will also learn the difference between being mothered and being heard by your partner. The first one is deadly dangerous just because it can easily unbalance trust and ruin equality between sexes. There is a fine line between communication and silence. Starting with communication, you will know your partner and let them know that you are here to listen, give comfort and learn the language of love.

The danger of breaking up just because your partner doesn’t feel loved can be avoided by learning some of the love languages, including physical affection, conversation, time spent together or little gifts.

I strongly believe two people can create a healthy couple by keeping their individuality, creating a space where each of them give and receive the best things they have. A functional relationship is formed between two defined personalities who don’t need each other, but they want to be together just because they have some things in common: values, life style, beliefs and vision of the future. Not to mention that in a healthy relationship you don’t lose your identity, you make it better, enrich it and share it with your partner.

Before stressing the importance of communication and the growth of a relationship I am giving you a powerful key that can lead you to achieve the desired relationship. I would love to share some thoughts with you about the things that get in the way. I am sure you’ve heard or even said: ‘I wish my ideal partner be like…’ This desire or image comes from your beliefs on who you are or even from the society standards.

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Your strength is what will make the difference. Think about your personality, assess you past experiences and look forward for inspiration. Be aware of your passions, greatness and most of all – be aware of your mental standpoint and your perception of yourself and your partner will get much clearer.

Routine and habits sometimes can get in the way of a healthy relationship. If referring to routine, this may block new ways of enjoying each other, halt progress or even result in a lack of personal ambitions. Therefore it’s important to start understanding, exploring and appreciating yourself in order to give the same thing to your partner. It takes a bit of an effort, but this will put you on the right track. You will also learn to accept rather than neglect each other’s feelings, to pause, prepare and discuss matters. You can’t imagine how sexy you can be by coming up to your partner with a positive attitude rather than complaining.

Build up strength and reinforce the connection between you and your partner and get to the point where you understand better, live the moment and build future plans with enthusiasm.

When you get stuck just take some time to reconnect with yourself then get back to your partner and talk about how you feel. We all heard about the half full glass of water. Don’t look at the glass, don’t look at the water, look at your own actions first before assessing your partner’s glass.

Communication works in a unique way rather than blaming just because the first one gives birth to progress and the second one – to regress. Blaming is a deadly poison that leads to creating a distance, making your partner feel lesser and think that you can’t enjoy moments together as you did before.

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Relax and do things from a loving place. While it is true that showing your feelings is showing your vulnerability, taking this risk means progress. You can’t lose anything. On the contrary, you and your partner will be clearer with where you both stand, what you both need and still enjoy yourselves as a couple and as individuals.

With this I assure you that you will associate love with liberation, greatness and less ego. Just like Maya Angelou, a great motivational speaker said: “Love liberates, it does not bite. The absence of it does.” You are already amazing, capable of loving and being loved, of giving and receiving, of belonging and fulfilling. Be true and connected to yourself and the happiness in your relationship will follow.

Adina is a motivational writer with an experience in journalism. She is passionate about health, sport and personal development. She lived in many different places and because of her “life in a suitcase” she has gathered amazing experiences ready to be shared.

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