dating life

I do believe the old saying that there is a lid for every pot, a mate for every person. You can and will find a love connection and can actually have fun while you are doing it. There are eight secrets to speeding up the process and enjoying the journey. These secrets will put you in the fast lane to jump start your dating life.

1. Build up your confidence

Confidence is often named as one of the main characteristics that is listed as attractive in a partner. If you are not very confident now because of comparing yourself to others or because of a past relationship, you can turn that around. One confidence-building trick I have used in the past is listening to songs that pump me up. Listen to Demi Lovato’s Confident, Meghan Trainor’s Me Too or Queens’ We Are the Champions. Look in the mirror, dance around and sing along. Make a playlist of songs that make you feel good about yourself and listen to some of the songs every day. You will be amazed how music can lift you up. If a song reminds you of an ex or is depressing, get rid of it. We want to feel good and appreciate life while we are on our journey to love.

2. Learn to love yourself

Another secret way to build up your confidence is to say good things about yourself while looking in the mirror. Each day finds at least one good thing you see in the mirror. Say things like “I love my hair”, “I love my smile”. Focus on a body part that you like and send some love to yourself. Your higher self knows that you are worthy of love and it helps to begin with love and acceptance of self. The law of attraction says ‘like attracts like.’ So to attract a partner with healthy self-respect and love, show yourself some love first.

3. Practice positive affirmations

Repeat to yourself positive affirmations on daily basis: “I am a loving person who finds a loving person”, “I am a kind person who connects with kind people”, “I deserve love and good things in my life”, “I am a great partner and am finding a great partner”. You can always add “I am in the process of…” to any affirmation that sounds false to you now.  For example, “I am a good person in the process of finding an ideal match“.  The more positive self-talk you do, the more you will enhance your life. Eliminate any self-criticism or you will attract a critical mate.

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4. Fake it till you make it

When I have been nervous about meeting new people or going to a party where I don’t know a lot of people, I really try and act like some star I admire. It should be someone you admire that you imagine is a kind, smart, attractive person. Meeting a future partner requires that you put yourself in a target rich environment. Be open to blind dates, parties and social groups that participate in activities like hikes, bowling, wine tasting or anything else that you enjoy doing. That openness to meeting new people can be helped along by this play acting.  Tonight you can channel Jennifer Lawrence or Chris Hemsworth and have the confidence of that star. Surely, he or she would be fine with meeting new people and being charming. People would be happy to meet them, so therefore when I take on their inner strength and charisma, people are happy to meet and interact with me too.

5. Be a good listener

People are yearning for other people to listen to them and acknowledge what they are saying. If you are a good listener and try to make people feel good about themselves, you will always attract potential partners to you. Talking too much is a major mistake most people make on a first date. You don’t need to share your entire life story, talk about your ex, or any upsetting information about yourself in the early stages of dating. You just need to look the person in the eye, tilt your head a little to the side and listen. Any comments you make should be positive. I once noticed a friend of mine asked someone what their major was at college and before they could even answer the question, she had launched off to another story about herself.  When you don’t listen it is as good as saying you don’t care about that person. I would say initially to try to listen to about 70 percent of the time and talk about 30 percent.

6. Pay attention to that person by using your body language

According to Jeff Thompson, Ph.D. in Psychology Today, “The belief is that 55% of communication is body language, 38% is the tone of voice, and 7% is the actual words spoken”. So if you want to attract someone new into your life, you have got to play a good body language game. Sit forward a little in your chair when you are listening to that person. Lightly touch that person on the arm occasionally. You will be amazed by how people are hooked by this. I am slightly nearsighted and I think it helped me to focus on the guy when he was talking. Men loved this and I always had a lot of male attention because of it.

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Don’t look at your phone either. Make the other person feel important because they are. Don’t you want to know all you can about your future partner? What you communicate with your body language is important too. It sounds like common sense, but I have to say it. You need to smile. Back to the law of attraction again, happy people attract happy people. Make that eye contact. Your belly button is supposed to be aimed at the person you are attracted to.  You can read their body language to see how things are going. Uncross those arms. Science says we immediately size up people to see if they are available and friendly.  We show these by our smile, open arms, uncrossed legs, and gazing upward. Since we are biological creatures, our evolution tells us when someone is attractive and fertile. Men should look masculine and stand with their feet a little wider than their shoulders. When they are sitting down, they may stretch out their arms by putting them on the back of the next chair or taking up more room.  That signals to a woman’s unconscious that he is a strong protector and provider. Signs of fertility that men look for in women are wearing your hair down, tilting your head, and showing your wrists. Also, how you dress should not be slutty or prim. Find a way to dress that emphasizes your masculinity or femininity and emphasizes your body in a positive way.

Women that always wear pants or jeans are better off in dresses or skirts. Nothing too tight or revealing, nor should you wear anything baggy because it hides your assets. Since cavemen days, we have been primed to look for someone to carry on the species and reproduce. Therefore, for straight people, anything that emphasizes that the person would make a good potential father or mother attracts us. Breasts, long hair, and feminine attire usually attract men and anything that helps a man look rugged and strong and healthy attracts women. Symmetry is considered beautiful or handsome usually because symmetry indicates a person is healthy and therefore will produce good offspring. So instead of fighting evolution, use these things to your advantage and you will have more potential mates to choose from.

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7. Keep things casual initially

Some girls I know are planning their wedding after the first date. Some needy guys smother a girl. Just be calm and cool. You can because you are confident. You know that someone would be lucky to have you as a husband or wife. You want to take your time and get to know the person to see if things would really work out. That takes a while. Don’t jump into bed with them immediately either. It is not safe and does not demonstrate self-respect and love. If they would make a good partner, they will understand and let you take it at the pace with which you feel comfortable. If someone is really interested in you, they will show it through their actions. They will never be too busy for you. You will not have to chase them down. Besides, who wants a relationship where you have to beg for attention? If they are not that into you, that is their loss. It just means that you are one person closer to finding your soulmate. Move on.

8. Step out of your comfort zone

It is okay to date outside of your race and nationality. If you are tired of the men or women in your country, check out the people in Spain, Italy, Brazil, or Canada. We do not have to be tied down to only finding love within 6 blocks of our home. If you cannot afford a trip right now, try some international dating sites or places where people from that country might gather. Go find a cute Brazilian at soccer practice. Start learning a new language and join a conversation practice club with people from that country. Anything you have always done, like dating only blonde people or only dating tall people, can be a rut. Open yourself to someone new and new experiences. Love frequently comes with people who aren’t our “type”. Be open to the love that may come in unusual packages. It is the soul connection that matters.

I know these techniques work and I have seen them work in my life and those of many, many men and women. If you work building your confidence and feelings of self-worth, you won’t be afraid to go out and have fun while mate hunting. It can be fun and when we are confident, we aren’t afraid to take chances or look silly sometimes. We know and believe it is going to work out for the best and we will find the lid to our pot. Good luck and applaud yourself when you try something new. You will surely succeed in your dating life!

Jane is a former college professor turned businesswoman. She owns two businesses in Charlotte, NC and is the author of Power Path to Love. Jane is happily married and has advised many people on how to improve their relationships. She also has done a series of brief YouTube videos on how to increase prosperity and positivity.

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