perfect man

Over the years, I have seen hundreds of girls who have checklists for the perfect mate. It almost always has something to do with height and bank account. I have even heard of the six and six test. That means he has to be over six feet tall and make six figures a year. However, none of these superficial things have anything to do with having a great long-term relationship or marriage. If you concentrate on them too much, you may eliminate many great men who are under 6 feet or make less than 6 figures right now. Besides having an open mind, here are 10 things you can put on your perfect man checklist that really will make a difference.

1. He has a good sense of humor

Let’s face it, we all get into situations where things go wrong and we can either cry or laugh about it. A guy who can laugh in these situations will make your life so much better. I remember one day I and my husband were driving in a jeep up in the Andes. We managed to have 3 flat tires in one day. I had just had a baby about 3 weeks previous and wasn’t in the best shape to walk for help in the mountains. We did end up getting help, all 3 times, and laughing about the calamities. Now I have that as a treasured memory  But if I had a man who got angry and upset about everything, we would probably file for divorce after that trip.

2. He makes you feel number one in his life

A man who is good for you will let you know that you are more important than his work, his nights out with the guys, and even your children. I will give you an extreme example from some tearjerker movies I have seen. You are in the delivery room and the doctor comes out and says, we can only save the mother or the child. Who would he choose? The perfect man would always say to save you. You have got to be number one in his life. My husband’s mother was so hard on herself trying to make the holidays perfect, that she was always wound up so tight she made everyone else tense. I remember one Christmas day we were at her house and she was arguing with me about the grandchildren.  She insulted me and made me cry. My husband dearly loved his mother, but we got up from Christmas dinner and he calmly drove us the 6 hours it took to get back home. He made sure I knew I was number one.

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3. He can compromise on important issues

My first husband did not want any kids, but I did. I married him thinking I could change his mind down the road. Instead, he never wanted any kids so when I got those maternal feelings, I had to look for a new partner. Children are a major issue that you should both agree on before you get married: if you want them or not, how many and what religion (if any) they will be brought up as is also important for discussion. I don’t think you have to agree on political issues unless that is super important to you. My husband and I always cancel out each other’s votes and always disagree, but our relationship is more important than political issues.

4. He owns up to his mistakes and apologizes

No matter how perfect your partner is, he is going to mess something up either in major or minor ways. The most important thing is that he recognizes his faults and admits he was wrong. He can also forgive your mistakes and not bring up the past. You need to do the same, don’t bring up old issues from years ago. One couple having trouble we just talked with said that whenever they argued, the wife brought up his infidelity from before their marriage 15 years ago. Forgiving and forgetting is a crucial part of a good relationship. Nobody is perfect and they would bore us to tears if they were. So if a man sees himself as always being right and you always being wrong, he is not a keeper and will damage your self-esteem in the long run.

5. He can support himself

This man is making enough to support himself without help from daddy, mama, you, or a rich friend. This guy might be very wealthy, but if his father disowned him tomorrow, could he make enough money to live well on his own? If not, he will be forced to do whatever his daddy wants and not what you want or maybe even what he himself wants to do. I have seen the case of men who cannot support themselves. In couples where the wife or mate makes a lot more money than the man, she can sometimes get resentful that she is paying for trips, dinners, and other luxuries. Or the man may actually resent her for supporting them both. The situation is more tolerable if you both accept that you make much more money than him, but he should at least make enough money to take care of himself and occasionally treat you or buy you things. If not, you will end up feeling that he is using you.

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6. He has a sound mind and body

This requires time to really get to know a man well enough to say if he has a good character and has basic well-being. Take at least one year before marrying someone and long-distance relationships don’t count. Does he do drugs? Gamble? Binge and purge? Is he healthy and does he have some healthy habits? Does he smoke and you hate smoking? Many years ago I quit smoking and I thought my husband did the same, but he snuck in cigarettes and hid it from me for almost a year. He finally quit, but I think I would have started smoking again had he never quit. I once had a boyfriend that hid his drug use from me. He was actually shooting up in the bathroom and it took me a long time to figure it out since that was the last thing I would have expected. If a guy is in active addiction or early recovery, I would wait till he has been clean for at least a year before trying to be in a relationship. Likewise, if you are an ex-smoker or drug user, or recovering alcoholic, you need to stay far away from men that are a bad influence on you.

7. You have chemistry together

A guy may look good on paper or a computer screen, but for some reason, there is no chemistry between you. You may slowly build up an appreciation for him, but if after a while you still think of him as a brother or stay in the friend zone, you are not doing either one of you any favors by staying together. You need to have some feelings for him. You also need a man who works to make sure you are satisfied. Don’t ever stay in a relationship with a man who only cares about his own pleasure. I know of a lot of guys who have bought into the dirty movie idea that a woman will be in ecstasy if he only pumps away long enough. Most women have to have oral stimulation and touching and a lot of patience to reach the climax. If a guy isn’t willing to put in the work now, he definitely will ignore your intimate needs two or three years down the road. I know women who have never had an O and blame themselves. If a man cares enough and takes enough trouble to build a trusting relationship, there is a way you can come. A good man will realize that it is not like in the movies, and a woman needs some romance and foreplay.

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8. You both either like or dislike pets

I can never picture myself long-term with a man who doesn’t like dogs. I once lived with a man who hated dogs. It was miserable and he got mad one day and kicked my dog. That was the end. If one of you loves cats and the other one cannot tolerate them, it doesn’t lead to a successful relationship. I consider my dog like my fur baby and fortunately so does my husband. Pets can make or break a relationship.

9. He is supportive of your goals and dreams

The perfect man is all for you going back to school, starting a business, or being a stay-at-home mom if you want to. Whatever you have a goal of, he should stand with you. Some guys discourage a woman from working or getting another degree because they want the woman sticking close to home taking care of them. Stifling your hopes and dreams will only make you resent him in the long run.

10. You don’t need to change him

Whoever the man is, you need to say to yourself, can I accept him as he is today hundred percent if he never changes one single thing? Marrying a guy thinking you will save him or change him is always a disaster. Nobody can change another person. If you can accept him just as he is today and he meets the other 9 criteria we have listed above, go for it.  You have found the perfect man for you.  He will make mistakes and not be perfect all the time, but neither will we.

There is no such thing as a perfect man or a perfect woman. Just make sure you have the important qualities on your checklist in your future mate. There are many things in a good man that money cannot buy. No height or bank account can make up for a stingy or angry man. Get to know him well before taking the plunge.  Be prepared to forgive him and yourself for any mistakes. Enjoy each other and have fun in a not-so-perfect relationship.

Jane is a former college professor turned businesswoman. She owns two businesses in Charlotte, NC and is the author of Power Path to Love. Jane is happily married and has advised many people on how to improve their relationships. She also has done a series of brief YouTube videos on how to increase prosperity and positivity.

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