chemistry between people

Trying to figure out what determines chemistry between people may be tricky. When sparks start flying, it is not due to a rational decision both people make. Instead, it’s a mutual connection that does not happen with every person you date, but when it does, it feels out of this world. So let’s explore what exactly defines this feeling and what are the signs of chemistry between people.

What is chemistry between people?

Chemistry is a pull between two people. It is an intense feeling of unexplainable connection, an overwhelming desire to know this person more. You see the person, your eyes meet, you freeze in time, and your body feels warm. A smile is coming across your face, and you are calm. All the nervousness you had just seconds ago is gone, and you feel so at ease.

It is not loving, nor is it lust. It is an amazing place in between that leads you down the path. Although you have no idea where it is taking you, you follow it anyway, almost as if you have no other choice. It is a click you never expected, but you feel so happy.

The chemistry between two people causes them to talk till dawn, text all day every day, and wonder about the other person when they are not around. This chemistry leads you to a second date, and it is exciting to see if this could be your forever person.

What causes romantic chemistry?

happy couple walking in the nature

It is not easy to find an answer to what exactly causes romantic chemistry. When you meet a person for the first time, the connection can be very intense. However, it is important to understand that certain allure between two people means that both parties feel the same spark. And by feeling, I don’t mean love, but rather a desire to be around the other person and get to know them more.

Romantic chemistry happens when both people are ready and do not rush to jump into a relationship. This sort of captivation does not have a time clock on it. Instead, it happens when you are open and your heart is free to love somebody.

It can be tricky if you experience this connection when you are already involved with someone else. However, romantic chemistry can strike at the most unexpected moment when the right people meet.

What does chemistry feel like?

The chemistry between people feels like an instant connection, unlike anything you’ve ever felt before. It is a combination of calmness, excitement, and an overwhelming feeling of being drawn to the other person. It is magnetic, and it is not something that can be forced or created. It is natural. Chemistry is when two people meet and feel an instant attraction that can lead their way from being friends to full-on love. It is the feeling of wanting to get to know this person on a deep level and maybe grow into a relationship with them.

Often times we confuse chemistry with the initial attraction. Chemistry is when both people feel an intense connection at the same time. If you reach out and the other person is non-responsive, likely, they do not feel the same way, and it was not chemistry, just an attraction that you felt.

The chemistry between people feels like an instant connection, unlike anything you've ever felt before. Click To Tweet

How do you know if the chemistry is mutual?

You will know if the chemistry is mutual if your feelings are reciprocated. If you’ve just met a person, and your excitement is at its peak, you may think there is chemistry between you. When you get this overwhelming feeling of connection, you always want more of it. However, if you go out of your way texting after the first date or inviting that person to hang out and you don’t get much of a response, they probably don’t feel the same way. So it is essential to listen to what your gut feeling is saying and pay attention to the other person’s reactions.

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20 signs of chemistry between people

couple sitting at the lake

The chemistry between two people is difficult to ignore. Sometimes even the other people from across the room can see it and feel it. But how do you know if you and your potential partner have this natural draw toward each other? I will walk you through the signs of chemistry between people, so you know what to look out for.

1. You are attracted to each other physically

Physical attraction plays a significant role when it comes to chemistry between people. It is often the first impulse that draws your interest in each other. Even though appearance is not the only factor when it comes to being attracted to someone, we are all physical creatures, and we usually make the first impression based on the looks of the potential suitor. But of course, later on, other factors, such as personality traits and emotional connection, come into play.

2. You want to know everything about the other person

When we are drawn to the other person, we want to know everything about them. What makes them tick? What do they do for a living? What’s their favorite color? We feel like we could talk for ages, and we can’t get enough of that person. We may end up staying up all night asking funny and personal questions, sharing our childhood memories and stories of what we wanted to be when we grew up. In those moments, the answers to the most simple questions mean everything.

When we are drawn to the other person, we want to know everything about them. Click To Tweet

3. The body language gives it away

The chemistry between people does not always manifest verbally. In fact, our bodies do most of the talking. Crossing legs a few times, playing with hair, leaning towards each other when talking can be the signs of chemistry. Scooching closer to show the other person something on the phone is how we express chemistry without words. These are natural and often subconscious reactions when we feel a strong attraction to somebody.

4. You both lose track of time

Time flies when we are having fun, especially when we have a strong allure toward one another. It can feel as if six hours was only one. Those long deep conversations and all the things we are willing to learn about this person are meaningful. When the date ends, you feel sad, as if you didn’t spend enough time together. It may be difficult to say goodbyes because you have enjoyed your time with that person so much.

5. Small details don’t go unnoticed

When the chemistry is there, we pay attention to the smallest details about the other person. We observe what t-shirt color they prefer, what kind of coffee they like, or how many sugars they put into it. We notice their likes, dislikes, what makes them happy, and what may stress them out. We remember things they share with us, and we ask the right questions, so they know we are paying attention to them.

6. You ask each other personal questions

couple having coffee and talking

When we feel a strong bond with a man or a woman, we naturally want to know more, so we ask questions to get to know them better. Questions about their past, who they are now, and where their future may be going. When we are nervous, personal questions can be both hard to ask and to answer. However, when we have chemistry with a person, the conversation flows because you are genuinely interested in that person.

7. You maintain eye contact

Constant eye contact is a sure-fire sign that someone is attracted to you. It’s even better when the attraction is mutual, and interest is present. Looking at someone as if trying to see their soul can say a lot about how people feel about each other. You get drawn in and may not even realize it until you try to look away, and you can’t. The chemistry is strong when both people get eye contact and can’t look away from each other.

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8. You share comfortable silence

Can you sit in a room with the person you are attracted to in silence without feeling uncomfortable? This shows that not only do you have chemistry, but you also have respect for one another. It is in stillness and quiet that we learn who we are, and if we can sit with someone in silence and be comfortable, the chemistry is clearly present.

It is in stillness and quiet that we learn who we are, and if we can sit with someone in silence and be comfortable, the chemistry is clearly present. Click To Tweet

9. You have a similar sense of humor

It is fantastic to find someone with the same sense of humor as you. When you are both having fun on the first date, chances are it will continue on the second, third date, and most likely for the foreseeable future. Our abilities to laugh at ourselves and with our partners show our human side. When you can connect with humor, it is a good sign that you have great chemistry, and you can look forward to a fun relationship.

10. It is easy to open up to each other

When we feel the chemistry, it is easy to just be ourselves. We don’t feel bad about our feelings, and we are not worried that something we say about ourselves or our past will offend the other person. It is easy to open up and have that quality one-on-one time that every relationship needs to grow. The other person makes us relax in their presence and let our thoughts pour out without censoring ourselves.

11. You feel calm

Feeling calm near someone we have chemistry with is one of the most amazing feelings. We know the chemistry is there when we are not nervous being with that person, even if we don’t know them that well yet. So when your mind and body are calm around someone, and you feel this inner peace, it may signify that you have found The One to share your life with.

12. You desire each other

young couple on a boat

If the chemistry is strong, your sexual desire will be strong as well. When our partner talks, we may be looking at their hands and lips. We can see their lips moving, but we can’t hear a single word because we imagine them in bed naked, and we can’t help it. The attraction is there, and it makes us want to act upon our instincts. We know both the good and the bad about the other person, and we still want to be intimate with them. Although intimacy is important in any relationship, it is even more powerful when we have chemistry on both emotional and physical levels.

13. You can’t help but smile

When we are near our partner that we have chemistry with, we can’t help but smile. Even if the two of you are sitting next to each other without doing anything, the smiles on your faces make it clear you are happy being together. So enjoy this special connection and all the positive emotions it brings you!

14. You crave physical touch

Any reason is a good reason to touch the person we have strong romantic chemistry with. We laugh as we hold onto their arm. We move our leg closer to theirs when sitting next to each other. We make an excuse to grab their hand just so we can have that electrifying sensation of the physical touch. We watch movies we have already seen so we can lay near that person just for that warming feeling of closeness.

When we are near our partner that we have chemistry with, we can't help but smile. Click To Tweet

15. There is no judgment

The ability to genuinely open up and be ourselves without the fear of judgment is so liberating. When there is strong chemistry between two people, we feel safe, and we know we won’t be judged for who we are and how we live our lives. Maybe our upbringing wasn’t great, or our last relationship was abusive. It is all in the past now, and with this mutual chemistry, we can relax and let the relationship evolve. We can open up to the other person and know that they are on our side no matter what.

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16. You feel comfortable

When two people come together and feel comfortable naturally, it is a sign that there is strong chemistry between them. Not hiding who we are, not having to put on an act to be someone we hope the other allows us to enjoy the other person’s company so much more. We can easily talk about everything, accept the attention they give us without ever being bored.

17. You look forward to seeing each other

You spent time with the other person, and now it is time to leave. On the way home, you have this smile on your face and a stomach falloff excitement. Next thing you know, you get a text from your date saying that they feel the same way. Sounds familiar? But the kicker is you have been dating for months, and the feelings are still there. You are eager to see your special someone again and can’t wait to make plans. At times you ask a question you know the answer to just to hear their voice. Or you decide to drop something off at their place so you can see that person, even for a few minutes. The best part is, they know what you’re doing, and they allow it because they want to see you too.

18. You have similar views on life

couple sitting outside talking

People are naturally different. Some are more different than others. We can disagree on so much, but when we meet someone who feels the same way we do about life, that makes the chemistry between two people even stronger. Agreeing on kids, marriage, politics, and the best Netflix series to watch makes life easier. Of course, some differences may occur, but it will be easier to work through arguments and fights with the right person and the chemistry.

19. You enjoy flirting with each other

When the chemistry is there, hugs are longer, and kisses are sweeter. You tease each other over private jokes and laugh out loud regardless of where you are. You laugh a lot, tease each other, and enjoy flirting. You walk side by side and suddenly start giggling after bumping at each other. You truly enjoy each others’ company, and you are not looking around the room observing other people. Often you will catch the other person smiling at you and trying to get your attention even if you are across the room from them.

20. You are best friends

Friendship is the foundation of any budding relationship. A lasting connection can’t be maintained when based on physical attraction alone. When there is chemistry between two people, the relationship evolves naturally. Having somebody to confide in, to share our thoughts and feelings, and to lean on during tough times is all that we can ask for.

A lasting connection can't be maintained when based on physical attraction alone. Click To Tweet

How to create more chemistry in your relationship

In a nutshell, the formula of chemistry between people is passion mixed with interest. People experience it in different ways. One thing for sure: having chemistry isn’t just about physical attraction. It is also about our connection when we are not in bed. Ultimately, romantic chemistry means being comfortable with the other person and enjoying sharing our life with them. However, at times life can get in the way.

Even though chemistry may be very strong initially, as a relationship progresses, it may start fading. Just like fire needs attending to continue burning or a plant needs watering to keep growing, the chemistry between people also needs some effort to stay strong.

Here are a few ways to create more chemistry and keep it going in your relationship:

  • Spend some time apart. Distance does make the heart grow fonder.
  • Recreate your favorite dates. Nostalgia brings out happy memories.
  • Spice it up a bit in the bedroom. Talk dirty via text during the day. When you are home, you will be ready for a fun time!
  • Play couples’ games. Getting to know each other on a deeper level will bring out feelings you may have forgotten about.
  • Go on a weekend getaway. Bring some fun toys and some wine!

Starting off a relationship with chemistry is an amazing feeling, but chemistry can also grow over time. So if you are lucky enough to have that first-time click with someone, don’t think your job in building a solid, healthy relationship is over. Chemistry is great, but it is not the only factor that matters. Honesty, communication, and trust are a few more ingredients that help create a healthy, long-lasting relationship.

Kelly is a certified Relationship and Dating Coach and the founder of Be Brave Coaching. After being a toxic wife and then suffering herself at the hands of an abuser, Kelly found herself in a recovery program where she recovered from codependency, anger, and control issues. Years later, she released her first book 'Signs in the Rearview Mirror Leaving a Toxic Relationship Behind' which is her story of leaving toxic relationships with her mother, her ex, and herself behind.

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