The third date is an opportunity to get to know the person deeper and ensure both are comfortable enough to gauge chemistry. Is a third date a good sign? Yes! If you get past the first two dates, the third date might lead to something long-term.
What does a third date mean? Maybe you’ve heard something of the third date rule but are unsure what it is. Here I’ll address everything you need to know when you are beyond the first and the second date, including third date tips and potential third date sex.
Why is the third date so important?
The third date is essential because you’ve reached this stage in the dating process, where you start getting to know each other better. This is also one of the dates you’ll gauge whether you want to become exclusive. How the third date goes can set the tone for your future relationship.
While the first date was about getting to know a guy on the surface level, the second was an opportunity to ensure you’re compatible. Now, the third date is all about your shared chemistry.
However, when someone mentions the third date rule, this shouldn’t mean you must become physically intimate. Once you feel like you’ve gotten to know each other and gauged your compatibility, the third date is to ensure you share an emotional and physical attraction.
What’s the third date rule, and should you follow it?
The third date rule could imply two things. When saying “I have a third date rule,” girls often mean waiting until the third date before sleeping with a guy. However, it doesn’t necessarily mean they are ready to jump into bed when the third date comes. Three dates are the minimum time to gauge the relationship potential, and if a girl likes a guy, she may want to wait longer before getting intimate with him.
On the other hand, when you hear guys talking about the third date rule, it will most likely mean that they expect to have some physical interaction on the third date. Some guys use a baseball analogy to describe sexual activity during the dating process and refer to those milestones as bases of dating.
Testing the waters of physical intimacy can lead to casual sex, unplanned pregnancies, and relationships that never quite reach their full potential. Regarding dating norms, I believe one should follow their own set of rules. In fact, the third date rule might be outdated. A study of 2000 US adults showed that most people would wait for an average of eight dates before they jump into bed.
Testing the waters of physical intimacy can lead to casual sex, unplanned pregnancy, and relationships that never quite reached their full potential. Click To TweetDoes the third date rule mean sex?
Physical intimacy doesn’t imply a relationship, especially in the mindset of a man. Usually, guys who invest little time and effort before having sex with a girl do not seek emotional connection. There is no universal rule about when a couple should get intimate, so it is essential to make your own decisions considering your emotional and relationship needs.
The third date doesn’t necessarily mean sex. It should be about delving into getting to know your partner on an emotionally intimate level, not just physically.
Doing so helps set the tone for the relationship and creates an emotional connection between you. And there’s something to be said for a certain level of comfort and safety in a guy’s presence. That’s what actual chemistry is all about – a sense of comfort with each other.
12 tips to make it past the third date
The third date is an important milestone as it will allow you to determine if you have a potential future with a guy. You can feel pressured because you assess your compatibility with the other person while discussing your emotional and relationship needs.
You can do a few things to make it past the third date. Here are some practical tips that will allow you to have a smooth third-date experience that will hopefully lead to many more dates.
1. Let the chemistry unfold naturally
The third date is all about becoming more comfortable with each other. Now that you know the guy, the third date sets the tone for your relationship. The idea is to relax, be yourself and allow the guy to be his true self. Establish a sense of comfort together.
Chemistry stems from feeling safe with the other person and being yourself. You’re a team, and tonight is about gauging how well you sync. You should feel the connection and energy between you.
Is there a sense of comfort when you are with the guy? Are you able to relax with him? Can you be your true self? Does he make you feel safe? These are questions you should ask yourself before progressing with the relationship.
2. Don’t invest yourself emotionally too fast
There’s a difference between physical attraction and emotional investment. Men respect and value someone they emotionally invest in and have an inherent desire to feel like they’re stealing your time. This doesn’t mean to make him beg for a date with you. It means men need to value the woman they truly see.
Things can go south if you invest too much of yourself and start projecting the relationship too quickly. Here’s a silly but accurate analogy. When a man buys a Hyundai, he tells his friends how he got one over from the dealer with excellent mileage. He didn’t have to save for it. He negotiated and paid under a sticker. He takes it home, but the minute a better offer comes, Hyundai is history.
With a Corvette, though, he’s saved his entire life for it. He doesn’t talk about the price. He talks about how it drives, how it’s the anniversary edition. He’s waited his entire life for the car of his dreams. Don’t be the Hyundai. Be the investment of a lifetime.
If you invest too much of yourself and start projecting the relationship too quickly, things can go south. Click To Tweet3. Try to connect on a deeper level
While going to a movie might seem like a good idea, it’s good to spend the third date doing something that allows you to communicate freely versus sitting in a hushed theater.
An outdoor picnic or a long car ride gives you some time to talk to one another. The third date is when you decide whether you’ll choose to proceed with dating him and allow a relationship to form. Therefore, it’s the right time to learn more about each other.
While it is important to find out the other person’s passions, and views on the topics that interest you, and some things you have in common, try to avoid controversial topics, such as politics or religion (unless they are essential for you). They can go terribly wrong and quickly turn your date into a heated argument.
4. Determine if you feel comfortable with him
By now, you likely know the guy well enough to begin to feel comfortable in his presence. It can take four to five dates to start feeling truly safe with someone new, and it’s the third date you’ll begin laying that foundation for it.
I don’t mean to say you should feel comfortable returning to his place yet. Instead, it’s time you’ll begin to have that feeling of comfort. Now is when you’ll gather information about whether you can trust the guy.
Your feelings of safety can play into your choice about dating him. Deciding whether to trust someone is an important choice that shouldn’t be taken lightly.
5. Ask personal questions
Asking personal questions can establish the feeling of safety and help you decide whether or not you are compatible before you become fully invested in the relationship. It would be a travesty to dive into a relationship only to discover that it’s not the right person for you.
That said, proactive questions can help you establish whether or not this guy might be The One. You want to determine if you’re both on the same page about the things that matter in life. So, consider what’s important to you in a relationship.
How does he spend his holidays? Does he prefer a flat in the city or a home in the suburbs? What’s his family like? Is there anyone in his life who inspires him?
Don’t hold back the essential questions that will allow getting to know the guy better. You can find out the guy’s dreams and goals and whether they align with yours.
You want to determine if you're both on the same page about the things that matter in life. Click To Tweet6. Don’t talk about exes
There is no need to hide that you had a relationship before. Still, if you focus too much on past relationships, it can feel like you’ve invited the exes to your date.
When a guy acts like a wounded bear and spends the entire date lamenting how his last relationship ended, he is probably not quite ready to move forward. His speaking highly of his exes reveals something positive about his character. However, it is best to leave the exes in the past. While there’s no doubt they contributed to shaping who you’ve become, now it’s all about the future with the person sitting in front of you.
7. Watch out for red flags
Keep an eye on the red flags that something does not feel right or that the guy is not the person he portrays himself as. When comfort is established, those warning signs tend to appear by the third date.
Red flags can be anything that causes your proverbial antennae to go up. If you see a red flag, this is a potential indicator to be wary of. While your intuition is usually spot on about most things, people with high empathy or those who are sensitive or feelings-centered often want to see the good versus the bad.
Sometimes we’re willing to overlook red flags because we find it easy to “fall in love” with the ideal image you created in your head and not with who the guy truly is. While it’s okay to have an empathic response, ignoring the red flags is never a good idea.
8. Don’t fall in love with his potential
When you fall in love, it should be with the person, not with the potential you see in him. I can’t even tell you how many clients have come to me to help them overcome a broken heart. Several women have said, “I just don’t understand why I’m having such a hard time getting over this relationship. He’s a selfish jerk. I know what he can be like, but I don’t understand why he can’t be like that with me!”
I often respond to hearing things like this: “The question is, can he be like that all the time, and is this who he truly is?” Falling in love with someone for who and what they are and falling in love with someone’s potential are two different things. Do your future self a favor and keep your perspective sharp.
9. See if your life plans mesh
The third date is an excellent time to compare notes about your life plans. While it’s always wise to omit the “Where you see yourself in 5 years” question, it’s acceptable to inquire more about the overall vision of life.
Regardless of how intense the connection feels, how would this align if your dream is raising a family in a Victorian house and the guy’s dream is to become a nomad?
Take the opportunity to delve into his ideas about the future and mention how you envision yours. Shared perspectives will reinforce the feeling that you’ve met someone you could build your life with.
The third date is an excellent time to compare notes about your life plans. Click To Tweet10. Don’t be afraid to set your boundaries
Now that those feelings of attraction begin to develop, and sparks might be flying between you, you can expect to see some signs of affection. While there is no hard third-date rule about physical intimacy, some couples enjoy kissing when they meet, sitting closely, or even holding hands.
If you find yourself in a situation where the guy brings up the third date sex talk, it’s important to make your own decision. Remember, the only rule is that you feel comfortable. An easy way out of an uncomfortable position would be to say, “I’m just not ready.”
There’s no need to explain yourself. It’s perfectly okay to set boundaries. The guy who genuinely cares about you should value and respect your decision. You might lose out on a real jerk, which isn’t bad.
11. Don’t feel guilty if the chemistry takes over
Have you found those sparks have swept you away, and you woke up at his place? Don’t panic! You felt it was the right thing to do, and there is no need to regret it.
Don’t make excuses like “I never do this…” as this would sound like you always “do this.” Instead, be your naturally confident self. While being intimate within the first few dates does not mean that the guy is emotionally invested in you, don’t feel guilty about your personal choices. Sex doesn’t necessarily mean he’ll never call you again, so turn your mindset around. Maybe you enjoyed yourself – good for you!
12. Keep your expectations realistic
After going on a few dates, women often assume that the connection they feel equates to a commitment from a guy. Remember, you just met him, and while you may think he’s the cutest thing after your favorite teddy bear, you’re only on the third date.
Empower yourself with a positive mindset and keep your dating expectations realistic. It’s all about how the two of you mesh and whether there’s potential for the long term.
Too many women believe they need to impress the guy. It shouldn’t be about games. It should be about how the two of you experience the connection. While it’s okay to let a guy pursue you, it’s wise to keep a handle on the proverbial remote control of your emotions. Are you feeling a connection? Is he? And most importantly, are you both feeling it?
What should you know by the end of the third date?
You’ve learned more about the guy and yourself by date number three. You’ll have met and gotten to know each other, assessed your compatibility, and gauged the potential of your shared chemistry.
If enough time and communication have passed, you’ll also have a pretty good feeling about what you both want and need in a potential relationship. You’ll know because you will have discussed your hobbies, interests, and activities you could do as a couple.
You’ll have a pretty good idea of the guy’s intentions regarding your relationship. And most importantly, you’ll have a sense of whether or not you are interested in dating him.
Armed with these tips and aware of the possible red flags, you are prepared for your third date. You are ready to test the waters and see if you’re comfortable in each other’s presence. Relax, be yourself, and most of all, have fun!
