online dating doesnt work

Some people find online dating to be effective and others consider it as a waste of time. I’ve been always curious why online dating doesn’t work for some people considering that there are a lot of success stories told by those who found their love on dating sites.

So who’s at fault? Is it because of the dating site? The user? What are they doing wrong? Here are five reasons why online dating may not be working for you.

1. You are too impatient

We use online dating because we want to meet fellow singles and sometimes we put very high expectations on the platform especially if we invested time (and sometimes money) on it.

Just like regular dating, meeting and socialising with different people online takes time. Online dating might be a convenient way to meet people, but it’s not a fairy godmother who will give you what you want right this instant.

Even though you’ve put your time on it, having patience and belief in yourself is more important. Just give it some time and you will eventually meet someone compatible.

2. Your profile is empty

When we were little, our mothers always taught us never to talk to strangers. In online dating, no one wants to talk to someone where their profile is as plain my forehead. One thing about online dating is that people should get to know something about you before they reach out to you. This is a helpful way to know how compatible they are with the person they like. But they can’t do that if your profile is empty.

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So, what do you do about it?

Before anything else, you’d have to start first on your profile photo. Use a photo where you’re doing something fun, like traveling or snorkeling. One of the oldest and lousiest tricks in the online dating book is using outdated photos. Yes, you look dashing on that photo from ten years ago, but when you and your date decide to meet up and they notice that you look a lot older compared to your photo, that is definitely not a good sign.

Your profile should also contain some information about you. Like your hobbies, interests, lifestyle, and what relationship you’re seeking. Though for this, you’d also have to be honest. But not too honest! You’d still want to keep a sense of mysteriousness for them to want to contact you more.

3. You don’t keep up with competition

On a dating site with thousands of members it can be very challenging to stand out. So how do you show that you are more interesting than others?

You’d have to make sure your profile portrays someone who’s worth replying to and represents your true self. You are unique, so don’t be afraid to show the real you. From a world full of liars and scammers, people will love to respond to someone who’s honest and proud of who they are.

The messages you send also plays a huge part in how you could stand out from the rest. If a girl were to get hundreds of messages from different guys, it’s natural that she’ll be more selective about who she will respond to.

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To be that someone who she will want to respond to, your first message should be as attention-grabbing as your profile. Your message should have something that will put a smile on her face. Whether it is a joke, a catchy pickup line or a creative compliment, that smile it brings on her face will get you a long way.

4. You rely too much on algorithms

As much as algorithms and technology have developed over the years, nothing can beat chemistry. For most of the time (actually all of the time), dating gets so tricky that we sometimes can’t keep up with it and just end up going with the flow or follow what we feel.

Just because the algorithm says you’re compatible just because you both like watching Netflix and eating sushi doesn’t mean that you’d have chemistry. Chemistry is something that we see in movies where the hero or heroine can’t stop thinking about their love interest and just wants to be with them all the time.

Being compatible with someone is important, but if the relationship doesn’t have some sort of chemistry to it, there’s a high chance that eventually it will crash and burn. However, it can be the other way round – if there’s only chemistry, but you don’t actually have anything in common, the outcome would still be the same.

5. You don’t know what you are looking for

I want you to imagine as if you’re a Jedi from StarWars and you have the power to use the Force. For you to become a full-on Jedi Master, you have to undergo some deep training and meditation to know your purpose and prepare yourself for the battle against the Dark Side.

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Now in relation to online dating, you have to know what you’re looking for. This allows you to not only filter your search results but to focus on only one goal, that is to look for your ideal match!

When you know your goal and you have an idea on what you’re looking for, sorting out through all those users would be a lot easier and faster. So before you start anything else, give this one some good thinking.

Whether you might be guilty with one of these or not (I know I am), that’s normal. We’re only humans, we’re allowed to make mistakes. How else are we going to grow, right? We make mistakes and we learn from them.

Online dating is never easy. `It is convenient, but not easy. You will have to invest your effort, time, patience, and hard work. But with all the effort that you have to put in just to find The One, would it be worth it? That’s up for you to decide.

Jane is an aspiring love guru from Hong Kong. Her dream is to help people to find love and build relationships.

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