lonely and single

There is a difference between being alone and being lonely. A person who is alone might be perfectly happy enjoying their own company. Are you feeling lonely and single? Does feeling of loneliness haunt you? Are you getting depressed about being single for so long?

There is a reason why you are feeling alone, and you need to figure out what that reason is. The reason for your loneliness could be because of circumstances that are beyond your control. Or, perhaps you have control over your social situation, but you are lost about how to go about making changes.

Finding the perfect partner is not always easy. In fact, finding love can be complicated, messy, and disappointing. If you really want to bring change into your life, you are going to need to dig deep and do things differently than you’ve done up until now.

There is so much that you can do to turn your situation around, but it will take work and effort. Are you ready to get started? Here are some practical steps that you can take today.

Look within yourself

Recently, I have been realizing a lot of things about what I have been through emotionally. I can be going through my regular routine when suddenly, a flashback memory appears in my mind reminding me of difficult emotional situations that I have been through as a child and also as an adult. Do you find yourself going through something similar? There could be many reasons for the flashbacks occurring, but I feel that I am getting these flashbacks because it is my subconscious way of letting me know that I need to confront injustices that I have experienced and understand that I deserved much better treatment. It is also a reminder that I need to ensure that going forward, I will commit to only inviting the right people to be part of my life; people who do not behave in dysfunctional and disrespectful ways.

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I am currently doing an overhaul of my entire life, and I am committed to making changes to have only appropriate people in my life. I also only want to be spending my time doing activities that will enhance my life. Doing a full analysis of my life is helping me to make clear decisions about who needs to stay and who needs to go. As well, I am also determining what needs to stay and what needs to go. Being with the wrong people is senseless. I am no longer willing to tolerate being involved with the wrong person just because I do not want to be alone. It is a terrible feeling to be in a relationship with someone who you do not feel an emotional connection with.

Seek a therapist or coach for support

It is so easy to slip into a depressed mental state and not even realize that you are living with depression. You feel as if you are going through the motions, but you are not enjoying what you are doing and you have no faith that anything can change. Seeking help is a wonderful option if you struggle with loneliness and depression. A therapist or coach can help you to communicate your struggles and confidentiality should be assured. When you are proactive about working through your emotional roadblocks, you will feel more confident about communicating with others. And it is clear that relationships will not thrive unless there is consistent communication. Before you can communicate properly with others, you first need to know how to properly communicate with yourself.

Do some self-discovery and find out what you want most for your life and from your relationships. The only way that you will feel happy with the relationships in your life is if they are healthy and you feel as if you are thriving and not just surviving in them. Surviving in a relationship feels as if you are in the ocean and kicking your feet frantically, trying to keep your head above water because you feel that you are most likely going to drown.  Thriving in a relationship feels like you are swimming confidently, getting your hair wet, and splashing around in the water and having fun; you do not feel as if you are going to drown because you feel confident about your ability to make it through to the other side.

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Do something different

The secret to your success lies in your daily routine. Are you hoping to meet new people and planning to do so without modifying your routine? If so, you can hope all you want but you will likely not see the changes that you want to see. Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result is viewed as the definition of insanity. Try something new to meet people.

If you are currently registered on a dating site and you are not meeting a lot of people who you are compatible with, join a different dating website. In fact, join 2 or 3 dating websites to increase your chances of meeting someone new. Being a member of more than one dating site is perfectly fine.  Most people have more than one social media account and they can handle more than one account just fine. Different social media accounts attract different audiences, and the types of people who you meet on one website might be different than the types of people you meet on another site.  The same logic applies to dating sites.

Join a social group

Meeting people online is wonderfully convenient, but meeting people offline is what you need to do on a more regular basis if you want to see your social life change. Being face to face with someone will help you to more properly diagnose whether or not compatibility exists between you two. Even when you are doing online dating, the goal should never be to remain to chat online forever. The ultimate goal should be to meet in person.

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Thank goodness for social groups! I live in a city where there is an abundance of social meetups and group events. If you live in a smaller town, get on a bus, get on a train, or drive to get to a larger town where you can meet other individuals at social events. People who seek real change will do whatever is necessary to do what is right. People whose homes are destroyed by hurricanes must either rebuild their homes or find new homes if they want somewhere to live; if not, they will never be able to move forward in life. Are you serious about moving forward with your life and changing your social situation? If so, then make it a priority to socialize with people every week, even if you feel shy and uncomfortable about it. Practice makes perfect, and when you practice enhancing your social skills, you will become better at socializing.

What will you do today that your future self will thank you for? Will you make personal development a priority today? Perhaps you can search online for social events that are happening this month. Be committed to logging into your account on the dating site that you have an account on, and send messages to three new members per week. Be proactive about making the steps that are needed in order to change your social situation. Write your feelings and thoughts in a journal and while you are at it, write out a plan of action. Next, follow it through. You are a person who needs and deserves love and care. Do what you can do today for yourself so that tomorrow, you will be able to feel strong enough to seek companionship and share your love with someone who deserves to receive it.

Akua is a Canadian born and raised girl with Caribbean roots. She is a journalist, actress, music teacher, performer, owner and marketer of 3 worldwide dating websites, as well as an independent Pure Romance business owner selling passion products for singles and couples.

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