Love is like an ever-spinning hamster wheel that you keep on jumping in and falling out of. You might feel like a hopeless romantic but you find yourself suffering from heartbreak, or not finding a partner that complements your life. Many people are struggling to find love because they might be attracting unavailable partners or get into toxic relationships.
During the years of my practice as a dating and relationship coach, I’ve heard so many people tell me “I will be happy when I have him/her”, “He/she is my everything”, “I can’t lose him/her”. All those statements reflect the same thing: we tend to attach our self-worth and value to someone else’s existence which in turn will always be unhealthy. I am going to tell you about five simple steps towards manifesting love and attracting a partner that you want.
1. Change your mindset
Understand that things in life did not happen to you; they happened because of you. Once you really sit with that, you will have a newfound insight on lessons and reasons why people and relationships have entered your life. Releasing yourself from being the victim helps you move forward and not continue staying stuck with the same patterns. In order to release your anger or blame, I suggest you try forgiveness worksheets and write down the lessons you’ve learned from past relationships that have made you who you are today. You can start focusing on the positive instead of the negative things that prevent you from finding love. It’s about changing your mindset to the state of how you want to feel, channeling your energy towards appreciation and less towards blame or any type of negative emotion.
2. Control your limiting beliefs
Control your limiting beliefs and inner negative self-talk dialogue has a lot to do with your mindset and ability to attract love. What is that inner self-talk saying to you? “You won’t ever find love. It’s too difficult to date. There are no good men or women out there.” These are all limiting beliefs that will subconsciously attract the kind of people you believe are out there into your life. Being aware of your limiting beliefs and focusing on the good will help you have a new vision of love and manifest your soulmate. This does not mean that you will not attract someone who isn’t the right match for you but instead, you will get better at saying “no” right away instead of giving your time to someone who does not want the same things you want in life.
3. Be aware of the red flags
Pay attention to red flags early on in a relationship and don’t be afraid to question them. Communication is key to relationships and it helps you to know someone you’re interested in. Your intuition is speaking up for a reason. When you have to confront someone about something it’s always great to start with a curiosity question. Start with the “why”. Once you do this then you will get a better understanding of the other person perspective and it takes away the feeling of being attacked. It gives the other person more freedom to be open and more freedom for you to decide if the person is right for you.
4. Live by your values
If you want a partner to have certain values, you have to have those too. If you want your partner to be open and loving, then you also have to be open and loving to those surrounding you. Some people call it the law of attraction. The practice that I suggest to my clients is to write down what they want from a relationship. Yes, you want trust, loyalty, and possibly something else. But what is the feeling you want to create? What does trust feel like to you? This is where you start to get aligned with what you want by having this type of dialogue with yourself. Continue to ask yourself “why” until you define what trust in a relationship means to you.
5. Have your independence
A lot of times when people are in relationships or are dating, they fall into an idealization phase where they get wrapped up in the story of how amazing this is, and that individual becomes the focal point of their life. They stop focusing on their goals or priorities because they want to spend every waking moment with this person since it seems like the right thing to do. It’s very important to always keep your sense of independence so you can be happy with yourself and preserve your own individuality.
The more you contemplate your purpose in life and focus on yourself, the more likely you will be able to experience love and maintain a deep and meaningful relationship. Continue on challenging your mindset and manifesting love that you want. Put yourself first, be comfortable with your own company and don’t settle down for less than you desire. And remember that happiness comes from within.