Sometimes relationships feel so darn good that you cannot imagine your life without your partner. But, unfortunately, human beings are creatures of habit. We do not always make the best decisions when we get so comfortable in our routines. Sometimes, it can get as far as getting addicted to relationships. When this happens, you forget to question whether or not your significant other is someone to stay in a relationship with. So how do you know if you are in a healthy relationship or you are clinging to your partner too much?
What does it mean to be addicted to relationships?
Becoming addicted to a person is something you will not always notice right away. It is possible to overlook parts of your significant other’s personality that you know without a doubt do not match your personality. The addiction to relationships can come from a craving to hold onto something or someone once you have a connection.
Yes, it truly is possible to get addicted to a person, and it is especially easy to get addicted to the lifestyle that you share with that person. The addiction to relationships comes from acceptance of the pattern that you are living in.
Have you ever noticed the role that patterns play in your life? We learn things best when we repeat something multiple times. For example, it is possible to learn how to be with the wrong person through your daily actions and the examples you have seen through other relationships.
What is the difference between love and addiction?
Genuine love and an unhealthy attachment may coexist, and sometimes it is easy to cross the line. The difference between a healthy relationship and relationship addiction is that a healthy relationship has boundaries. In contrast, addiction is based on dependence on another person.
A true loving connection gives you feelings of peace. In a relationship based upon love, you have feelings of hope because you have confidence in your love for your partner and many possibilities for your relationship. Your self-esteem would not be eroded constantly when you two are together.
When you are addicted to relationships, it feels like your self-awareness is slipping. Your thoughts center on your partner, their problems, and their actions. Love addiction can be characterized as a mental disorder that can be treated using psychotherapy.
Do you feel a loss of control and a healthy perspective while in your relationship? You may have a conflict that desperately needs to be solved. Here are the tell-tale signs that you are addicted to your partner.
10 signs you are addicted to your partner
You might have a relationship addiction problem and not even realize it. However, it is your job to make your life a good life. Sometimes, it is crucial to examine why we make relationship choices.
The first relationship you saw up close was the relationship between your parents. Our parents are our first role models for behavior and relationship patterns. Unfortunately, if your parents displayed unhealthy relationship patterns, that example might be all you know. Here are the warning signs that your relationship might be an addictive one.
1. Your loved ones urge you to leave your partner
Your family and friends may not share your views about everything, which is fine. Still, it would help if you listened when they tried to warn you that you were in a toxic relationship. Your loved ones don’t want to see you waste your time hanging on to a relationship that seems doomed and causes you pain.
It isn’t easy to see your situation objectively when you are in it. You feel a deep connection with your partner even if you know that many issues need to be addressed. Perhaps you are hoping that your mate will change their behavior.
You feel your role is to show compassion instead of censure as your significant other tries to change. However, you may have to wait long for your partner to give up those destructive actions.
Your loved ones don't want to see you waste your time hanging on to the relationship that seems doomed and causes you pain. Click To Tweet2. You make excuses for bad behavior
You know that you are not a fan of your partner’s addictions, tendency to drink too much alcohol, gaslighting, and even violence. However, his bad behavior still has not convinced you to call it quits. Ignoring a destructive cycle of unhealthy actions is especially harmful if your children (of any age) witness this type of dysfunction.
Your children will never tire of wanting their parents to set positive examples for them. Your codependency with your partner shows you and your loved ones that you do not want to avoid being in a toxic relationship. If anything, by tolerating your situation, you let other people know that you are okay with being in a toxic relationship, which is not good. That leads nowhere.
3. Feelings of shame dominate your thoughts
The idea of living without your partner scares you because you are dreading being on your own. It has not even occurred to you that you can survive and have a fulfilling life without your current partner. You have become accustomed to being comfortable in your uncomfortable situation. You are afraid to let other people know that many things in your relationship are not working out.
There is no dignity in suffering in a relationship dependency situation. Nothing good comes out of that, and one day you will likely look back on your decision to suffer and regret that you had wasted so much time with the wrong person.
The idea of living without your partner scares you because you are dreading being on your own. Click To Tweet4. You see no way out
We all have options, but toxic relationships taint views and opinions. However, you do have a way of solving your problems. The best thing you can do is practice self-love and remove yourself from the relationship addiction dominating your life.
Do you feel trapped in your relationship? Have you asked your mate many questions about where the relationship is going, and you have only received silence in response? If so, you may need to evaluate where you see yourself regardless of your partner. You might also need to seek some healing to move forward.
5. You feel like you are losing yourself
A sure sign that you are in a toxic relationship is when you need to sacrifice who you are to be with the one you love. A relationship based on honesty is not one in which you need to hide who you are and put your needs on the back burner.
When your whole being is laser-focused on pleasing your partner at the expense of pleasing yourself, that is a sign that you have a relationship addiction. An ideal relationship is one in which you and your mate are equally pouring into one another’s lives and serving each other.
When your whole being is laser-focused on pleasing your partner at the expense of pleasing yourself, that is a sign that you have a relationship addiction. Click To Tweet6. There is no enjoyment together
When the two of you are in the same room, and you feel like the tension between you could be cut with a knife, that is a sign of a clear problem of relationship addiction. Why are you hanging on to each other? Have you asked yourself why you are staying in a relationship that is unhealthy and rife with unhappiness?
There is little benefit to staying in an unhealthy relationship. It leads to very little happiness, especially when you do not have enjoyable moments together.
7. Your partner being sober is a rarity
Can you remember the last time your loved one had a whole week of being sober and acting like a positive and coherent individual with you? If not, you need to address the possible issues that they have.
If recovery from alcohol or drug dependency is not something your partner would consider, you are risking your mental health by staying with this person. You will never have control over your life when partnered with an alcoholic or a drug addict.
You will never have control over your life when partnered with an alcoholic or a drug addict. Click To Tweet8. You fantasize about breaking free
A sure sign that things are not working is that you long for a better life. Your thoughts are more and more focused on being with someone else or doing anything else other than being in the relationship that you are in. You start to feel a little bit more hopeful when you consider having a new life, even if you cannot imagine yourself with someone else right now. When you meet people with whom you are more compatible, you silently debate whether it is worth the risk to seek happiness with someone else.
9. People suggest that you seek help
Have people you are close to approached you and suggested seeing a therapist? You might have refused to get professional help because you thought it would make you look as though you are weak or you lack confidence. However, you are beginning to fear that the love you had hoped for was never true love at all.
You start recognizing that toxic relationships do not just happen on television shows or in novels. Seeing a therapist can help you figure out if you should remain in your relationship or part ways with your mate.
You might have refused to get professional help because you thought it would make you look as though you are weak or you lack confidence. Click To Tweet10. You recognize the signs of relationship addiction
It is easy to live life on an auto-pilot. You move about in a routine that you have become comfortable with, utterly oblivious to your self-esteem eroding every second you stay in your relationship. When you realize that your relationship negatively impacts your mental health, it might be the time to take the next step, whether it is healing from an addictive relationship or letting it go.
Can an addictive relationship be saved?
Are your previous relationships similar to the addictive relationship you are in? Do you believe that love has to be hard, and you make excuses why you need to stay in the relationship instead of trying to try and break bad relationship patterns?
You are afraid to be alone, and you refuse to take a step to move in a different direction because you have never done it before. Relationship addictions are hard to acknowledge and even tougher to deal with. Addictive relationships can be saved, but it takes time and effort, often from both parties involved. You need to assess your particular case. For example, if your partner is mistreating and abusing you, perhaps trying to save the relationship is not the best path to take.
The toll that relationship addictions take on your self-esteem is often too high a price to pay. You need to reach the point where you are ready to make changes in your personal life and your relationship. Joining a support group to help you get a better perspective on your relationship situation could be a good place to start.
