how to get out of the friend zone

So it has happened, you found yourself in the dreaded friend zone. The thing is that it’s not where you want to be. You like that girl more than a friend.

It might not be too late. Here is some advice on how to get out of the friend zone.

1. Be there when she needs you

Women need to talk and feel listened to, which is incredibly important. If you don’t do that, you won’t be friend-zoned, you’ll be dead-zoned. There’s a point though where we get mired in the problem and spin our wheels. That’s where guys try to be helpful and fix the problem, resulting in women’s anger or dependency.

Let that gripe session play out too long, and you’ve become a sounding board, and it ain’t romantic. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t listen to the woman but have a sense of her needs. Is she feeling better as she is sharing? Or is she getting more upset? Grab the moment to reinforce her feelings and then do something that will turn the tide.

This is the tricky part. It might be a bit of laughter, a bit of flirting, some food, asking her if she wants to draw a bath and relax. If you do no know what she needs, don’t hesitate to ask her. She knows. And then do it!

If you have no idea what she needs, don't be afraid to ask her. She knows. And then do it! Click To Tweet

2. Get a life

If you ended up in a friend zone, step aside, and ask yourself the following questions. Are you successful in life? Do you have any interests, and are you pursuing them? Or are you watching TV every night feeling sorry for yourself? What are your dreams and goals in life? Are you going after them?

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Don’t make the excuse that you need a partner before becoming what you want to be. The whole “you complete me” phrase actually shows the person is incomplete. A healthy relationship cannot be created without two people who are comfortable in their own skin.

Once a guy that I dated asked for the key to my place so he could go over and clean it for me. No, thank you. That was when I began to realize it wasn’t going to work. It’s sexy to have a life of your own.

3. Stop complaining

I bet you thought women always wanted conversation. We do want to get to know who you are. If you don’t share anything about your life, that’s so boring. However, choose wisely what you share and how you share it.

Complaining about your problems and unhappy life can get unsexy very quickly. I’m not talking about getting to know each other. That’s important. I’m talking about griping about stupid stuff and whining.

The same guy I dated griped about the dumbest things like there not being enough baskets at the grocery store. Yeah, we all have those things we need to bitch about, but it’s not on a date, and it’s not with someone we want to be seen as sexy or have sex with at some point.

Complaining about the dumb stuff feels good, but it is a quick route to the door or friend zone because it’s not romantic or fun.

Now, if you can make it into a funny story, that’s different. Or if there’s a connection that both of you hate how people steal your coffee cup at work, you have a running joke. That leaves a good feeling.

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Complaining about your problems and unhappy life can get unsexy very quickly. Click To Tweet

4. Be creative when texting her

Women want to be flirted with, feel sexy, and feel a connection. If you are friend-zoned, your text flirting skills may be lacking. Are you hitting her up with a bland “Good morning” or “How’s your day”? No wonder the sparks are not flying then.

Here’s how to get out of the friend zone through text. Be personal and specific. Show her you remember what she has told you and mention it. If you’ve kissed, bring up how great it was. If you haven’t, tell her you are thinking of her lips. Don’t be fake, but flirt.

Don’t be afraid to be clear about how you feel when texting her. Tell her that you like her and you want to see her again or send her a compliment. Don’t ask questions about whether she likes you, and avoid being sarcastic.

Flirt, but don’t be too sexual. Show her why you think she’s special both physically and mentally. However, don’t get carried away and text her, “I want you so bad,” or mention yours or her private parts. Now some women, including me, like to know that someone thinks I have a nice ass. But that’s me. Try to get a feel for what turns her on.

5. Scrub up well

Women go all out for a date: shave the legs, do the hair, put on makeup, choose a cute outfit appropriate for the occasion, and perhaps even break out some heels or the Spanx. It ain’t easy.

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So when she looks across the table, and you haven’t showered or missed some whiskers on your cheek when shaving, she will notice. Let’s be honest, men don’t have that much to do to get ready for a date. Physical attraction is key to not being friend-zoned. If you haven’t been paying attention to your appearance, it’s time to do the due diligence.

Don’t forget to shower. Wash your hair with something that smells good. Use dandruff shampoo if you need that. Find out what hair product to use and how to use it. Do not do a comb-over. As for other hair, check your nose and ears.

Choose your cologne carefully, not too strong, and don’t overdo it. Female advice when you are buying perfume is always good.

Are you still stuck in your high school fashion sense? It may be time for your wardrobe makeover. Jeans and a hoodie don’t work for every occasion.

I was excited to meet a Bumble date once because he’d been so funny and flirty in our messages. I died a little inside when I saw the man wearing white socks, tennis shoes, and cargo shorts. That is not attractive for a date.

Usually, you can’t go wrong with a well-fitting dark pair of jeans (no fancy pockets please) and a button-up shirt. Don’t tuck the shirt unless you ask a female friend, and she says it looks good tucked if the shirt has a little personality through color, texture, or a small fun pattern, even better.

Lastly, make sure she knows you are attracted to her. Communicate that you are there to date her, not just to hang out casually. Step up and make your move. If you wait, you may remain in the friend zone forever.

Scarlett writes a dating blog Years Of Sluttery. She has been single less than six months of her 55-year-old life and is making up for lost time this year, currently dating four men. She writes under a pseudonym to keep her job! You can follow Scarlett's dating updates on Twitter.

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