young man with phone thinking if he should stop texting a girl

Feel like you’re the one who is always texting first? Growing bored texting her when she doesn’t text back? Or maybe you’re assuming she’s no longer interested in texting you?

If you are constantly wondering, “Should I always text her first?” you might also be asking yourself when you should stop texting a girl.

But before you do, let’s take a closer look at a few things you need to consider and some essential rules about texting girls you shouldn’t ignore.

Don’t stop texting, but ask her to text you first

I remember dating a guy who always texted me first a few years back. He was keen to talk every day, and so was I. But we took it as a given that he would text first each day because he always did.

It became almost like a routine. I’d wake up, and there would be no text, but as soon as I’d jumped out of the shower and made some coffee, there’d be a good morning text from him!

Occasionally, he waited a little bit longer and left until noon, when he’d ask me a dumb question or send a funny text message. I knew it was his cute way of using any excuse to talk to me! It always made me smile, and of course, I was glad he’d finally texted.

After a few weeks, though, he suddenly went cold one day. He didn’t text in the morning, afternoon, or evening. I knew nothing serious was up because he’d made a Facebook status about his sister’s dog chewing his Xbox controller to bits. So, he was alive and kicking and not dead. But he wasn’t texting me.

“Huh,” I thought. “That’s odd. Has the damaged Xbox controller broken him?” But okay. I got it. I get it.

Guys, I understand you may get frustrated if you are the ones always initiating contact. It can give you the impression that we are just not interested in you.

It might pain you to break contact for a few days, but that’s what we’ve driven you to. So, you set up Operation: Will She Text Me First?

If she does, she digs you. If she doesn’t, your heart breaks, and you take pills.

But take a moment to consider that the girl might not text you first because she thinks that’s how you want it. Maybe she enjoys the routine and thinks you do, too, because you haven’t told her otherwise.

Before you stop texting her for a while, consider how long or short her responses normally are to you. Does she give you the impression that she’s interested in you, despite never texting first?

It is better to talk to her and ask her to text you first rather than disappear off the Earth for a few days. Because when you return from Mars, you’re going to be all, like, “Heyyyy! I’m back!” while she’s going to be a total mess.

But if she only seems vaguely interested, you should take a few days off to see what happens.

man texting in his car

Take a break if she is tired of constant texting

When you start dating, the early days of texting someone new are always intense and exciting. You put a lot of thought into what to text a girl and how to make her like you over text.

But then, after a while, you’re staying up until 4 am to message the girl even though she hasn’t replied to the last text you sent at 1:22 pm. And when she does get back to you at 4:03 am, it’s just to say “OK.” 

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It was pretty much the same thing last night. And the night before that. The spark has gone.

It’s painful because you want that fun back. You sent all those text messages to make her want you, and suddenly, she gets cold.

Do you keep messaging her and dragging it along? Or do you admit that it has become boring and cut your losses?

At this point, stop texting her and see what happens. You don’t have to stop forever, but texting burnout happens. Maybe you guys exhausted so many topics so quickly that this ‘thing’ you have needs some air.

Take some time off. Let her experience a bit of life before coming back with something new to talk to you about. The worst thing you can do is drag things out.

Are you worried you are suffocating her and taking up all her time? If texting her is fun and she enjoys it, then why stop? Keep going!

If, on the other hand, you are concerned that you guys text too much, let the girl know that you are prepared to text less if it means she won’t lose interest in you altogether. She may even take it as a welcome sign of respect.

young man at night in bed looking at his phone

Stop texting to give her space when she is busy

“I always message her first, and she only ever responds after a long while and with messages that seem rushed. It’s so annoying!”

Sounds familiar? Many guys get frustrated when the woman texting them has a response time counted as hours. That’s especially true the first time something like this happens in a new relationship.

Now, I understand why this is irritating. Many guys — possibly you, too — are men of action. And when you are eager to initiate a romantic relationship, it gets even worse.

But she might have a valid excuse for never texting you first.

Do you know what kind of real-life stuff has happened lately on her end? Did she start a new job? Was there a tragedy in her family?

Don’t forget that people get genuinely busy, and it’s not always their fault. If she’s struggling to hit urgent deadlines or mourning a lost loved one, she may not be able to respond immediately to a text conversation.

That doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to spend time texting you. She may not have that time or energy, even if she is interested.

This can be complicated, especially if you worry about what’s happening. It may be worth sending her a casual message asking, “Hey, you’ve been quiet lately. Is everything alright?”

After sending the message, wait patiently for her to respond. It’s not a good idea to constantly text people, let alone girls you are interested in, if they are stressed.

If she gets back to you and says she’s very busy, give her the space she needs. Most girls see this as a good sign. Be considerate about her troubles, and she may soon be dreaming about you.

Of course, you are not obligated to wait forever for her schedule to clear. If she never texts back or has no explanation for why she never texts first, just let her focus on whatever she’s dealing with.

busy young woman at work

Stop texting and talk to her if she is playing hard to get

You’ve had some fun talking to each other, but she never texts first, begins responding in an aloof manner or might be dropping hints about other relationships. When should you stop texting a girl who seems to give you the cold shoulder?

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It may be confusing if she ghosts you like this, but it doesn’t necessarily mean she’s not into you. It could be the opposite — she might have feelings for you and want to make you chase her.

There are several reasons why texting women might turn into a game of cat and mouse. A lot of it has to do with her personality type.

She might be a shy girl who doesn’t want to or know how to take the lead and hopes you’ll make the first move toward setting up a date. Alternatively, the girl may not want to look desperate for your attention (even if she wants it), which is her way to flirt over text.

The girl may think whoever texts first is in a weaker position in the overall relationship and making a deliberate power play. She could try to “win” in dating by refusing to text first.

Finally, she might be trying to make you jealous. She could be attempting to make you miss her by giving you the silent treatment.

It’s also good to be aware that whether we like it or not, there’s a social expectation for women to be more passive than men. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. If the girl likes being chased, and the guy enjoys the chase, that’s awesome.

But if you don’t desire that dynamic, no one can force you to do all the work to keep the conversation going. As it usually goes, the key here is to communicate clearly. Tell her the truth and say you don’t want always to be the one to initiate conversations.

In the best-case scenario, the girl will realize her mistake and stop putting on indifferent airs. She just might become the one in your relationship who often texts you first.

But there’s also the chance that she decides to stop messaging you. Whether she believes firmly in certain relationship dynamics or has an overblown ego, she may not appreciate you calling her out.

If that’s what she decided, it’s time you stopped texting, even if you’ve grown emotionally attached. In the end, you two don’t have the same energy.

woman on a date playing hard to get

Stop texting if you are not on the same wavelength

The girl never texts first, and when you start texting, you notice the conversation tends to fall apart every time. It’s easy to find yourself wondering, “Why am I the one who always texts first?” There is a possibility that you guys have nothing to talk about.

I find this situation to be one of the most difficult and hurtful ones to deal with. Imagine — you want to talk to the other person and put a lot of effort into establishing a connection, but even after a week or two of trying, you can’t hold a conversation.

The bitterest pill to swallow is admitting that this can be quite normal when texting girls. There’s nothing wrong with you or the girl. You don’t click, no matter how cool or interesting she initially seemed.

This can happen particularly with online dating apps, where you don’t meet people “naturally” through shared interests or activities. You just started talking with the hope that you could bond over at least one small thing.

If you are convinced that you can find some common ground by texting a girl, by all means, keep going. Perhaps check her social media for ideas to keep the conversation going. Ask the girl what she thinks is fun, and try making plans around that.

But if you send her a text and another, and there’s no good reaction — throw in the towel. Not everyone is compatible, and you deserve to have a good time with a girl who shares your interests.

No witty reply or heartfelt text can keep her interested in conversations if there’s nothing to bring you together. At this point, the best thing to do is to stop texting a girl and save yourself the trouble.

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upset man and surprised woman miscommunication

Stop texting and call her if she prefers to talk

So, you had a fine first date. But she never texts first, gives a short answer even to long texts and may leave your messages unread. Your gut reaction might be to wonder if you should stop trying.

But did it ever occur to you that she might not like text conversations? Maybe she’d prefer to speak to you instead.

I know, I know, this is a completely weird line of thinking. Who in this day and age could prefer phone calls?

But believe it or not, those people are out there. It makes sense why some folks dislike text messaging. We’re bombarded with notifications and emails every day, so maybe your crush doesn’t want any more messages on top of everything else.

Look for signs that imply the girl is not a texter but might want to talk to you on the phone.

She may not know how to express herself well over text and would rather be silent than risk embarrassing herself by responding to flirty messages. Or, she might feel that talking to each other is more intimate and helps bring you two closer together.

Try to think if she’s texting other people. If you’ve heard the girl is notoriously difficult to reach over text, she may be a caller instead of a texter.

So, should you stop texting her? Yes — call her instead! The best way to find out if she likes calls is to give her one.

If she is delighted that you called, you’ve solved the mystery. Besides, most people won’t mind if the person they like gives them a ring.

But even if she prefers calling, you don’t have to stop texting a girl altogether. Delight her with a good morning message or something now and then.

Should the initial conversation on the telephone be as difficult as texting her, though, she may not be that into you. But if nothing else, at least you’ll know.

young man sitting on the sofa calling a girl he likes

Stop texting if she has dumped you

Okay, so you finally put your neck on the line and admitted your feelings to her. But she didn’t reciprocate.

In such a situation, you shouldn’t text her for a while despite you being good friends. You don’t need to get all dramatic and say, “Hey, I’m moving to a remote island, deleting Facebook, and throwing away my cell phone. Just thought you’d like to know.”

Just let your phone rest for a while. Don’t say anything. If you keep texting a girl multiple times after getting dumped, you’re only likely to say something that makes the situation awkward or tense.

During this “downtime,” focus on things you enjoy. Go to the gym, hit the shops, or treat yourself to something you’ve wanted for a while.

If you’re still itching to text someone, reach out to an old friend. They would probably be super happy to hear from you, and, who knows, they might have some available single friends!

There is something to be said for keeping yourself distracted and in “damage control” mode. You’ll thank yourself later.

I know it’s hard to stop texting someone you like. But whenever you miss her and get the urge to reach out, think back to one of the “ugly moments” and how you felt rejected.

The endless waiting, the go-nowhere conversations, the one-word replies, and your heartache.

You don’t want to feel like that again, do you? Of course not!

After a month or so, you’ll have moved on. Perhaps you’ll even be texting someone new.

Claudia is the creator of Text Weapon, and the author of French Seduction Made Easy. She is passionate about modern communication and loves helping people improve their relationships through flirty texting. To read more by Claudia, visit Text Weapon. Don't forget to signup for the free Texting Club trial with over 300 messages. You can also hit her up on Twitter.

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