I’m not going to lie – the dating game doesn’t appeal to me. Why? I’m busy. I haven’t got time to play games. Interested? Great, let’s have dinner. Not interested? That’s cool too, but let me know – I’ve got stuff to do.
Here’s the thing. Many successful women are happily single, and I by no means want to deduce that we’re all desperately searching for the illusive one while eating ice cream until it comes out of our ears. There’s nothing wrong with living a fulfilling life and doing so as a one-woman party truck. But for me, there has come a point when I look at my accomplishments and realize it would mean a whole lot more if I had my other half to share it all with.
I know many women who, like me, run successful businesses and happen to be single. On the flip side, many of my entrepreneurial compadres are happily married. As I embark on my move from Vancouver, Canada to set up my new life in London, England, I can’t help but think about love and relationships.
After moving my life to Canada in 2009 and spending the past seven-odd years building up a life here, why would I reverse it all and return to England? Well… there are a number of reasons. And if I’m being completely honest – my decision was motivated by love. What the hell does that mean? It means I’m putting my ego to one side and coming home. Admitting that I miss my homeland and I genuinely want to share my birthdays and Christmases with my family and lifelong friends whom I love and adore. And knowing, deep down in my gut, that romantic love is waiting for me in London. Don’t ask me how I know – I just do. Call it corny if you will, but when you know… you know.
With all of that in mind, now seemed like as good a time as any to do a little myth-busting on finding love as a successful woman. And this one is for the gentlemen out there because there are in fact a selection of successful women who want a relationship. Not need, but want. A subtle but important distinction. We won’t just settle for any old partner, though – we crave a man who is our equal. Here’s how to be that man.
1. Be honest
This should go without saying, but be honest with us. We have a lot going on, and we’re completely turned off by the dating games of our early twenties. If you leave us guessing your intentions or leave it a week without calling us, put simply – we’ll move on. We’ve got an empire to run, and while we would love to have you on board, if you’re playing little boy games – we don’t have time. We want a man. So be honest with your intentions (yes, that sounds awfully Victorian, doesn’t it?), and you’re well on your way.
2. Support her
If I had a dollar for every time I read an online dating profile stating a guy wants to find an ambitious woman, I would be Beyoncé-level wealthy by now. The truth is, if you truly want to be with a driven and successful woman, you have to be ready and willing to support her. Now, support is going to mean something different to each individual. So talk to her. What does she need? I can honestly say, if a man I dated asked, “What can I do to support you as you grow your business and finish your next novel?” I would make sure he was “supported” every night in every way imaginable. Just sayin’.
3. Listen to her
Really listen. We don’t always need a solution. Sometimes we just need to vent. To share. To know you hold space for us without judgement or a need to fix us. Just hear us out. We know we talk a lot at times, but talking it out is our way of figuring things out for ourselves. So please listen. If you can do that, you have our trust and our heart soon follows.
4. Hold her
Spoiler alert: yes, we like a good hug. Sometimes we’ve had a bad day and the best thing you can do is wrap your arms around us and tell us it’s going to be alright. That’s all we need. Yes, we’re strong. No, we don’t need anyone to save us. But we still want to feel safe and protected when we’re with you. Sometimes, putting your arms around us is the most powerful thing you can do.
5. Love her
Even when we’re busy. Even when we’re a hot mess. Even when we think it’s all going to go up in smoke. Love us unconditionally.
Finally, don’t be afraid to take charge. When we’re out there in the world kicking ass and taking names, the last thing we want is to be calling the shots in our relationship. This is perhaps the biggest misconception about alpha women. Yes, we’re in control in our business, but we want you to take the lead in the relationship.
So book that restaurant. Plan the surprise weekend away. Sweep us off our feet. We will love you for it.