why is dating so hard

It’s no secret that the dating game has changed in recent years. According to recent studies, those aged 16 – 24 (the new generation sensible) are more likely to delay marriage and having children in comparison to senior generations. Not only that, if you’re under the age of 25, it’s likely that you’ll also be having less sex. So why is dating so hard in an age where we can literally meet people while sitting on the toilet? Access to dates and sex is now easier than ever, so reasons for delaying committed relationships suggests that this is more of a choice than a necessity.

I will explore the main reasons in which dating has become more difficult. Maybe you need to recognize where you’re going wrong, or maybe you need to understand that you’re not alone when you say you can’t find a date. Either way, continue reading to get the scoop on what I feel are the main culprits affecting your modern love life.

The backlash of social media

I have written about the effects of social media on relationships in the past. Not only can it put a strain on existing relationships, but it can also prevent you from even getting a date in the first place. How so? It has become normalized to stalk a potential love interest online before even meeting up. Don’t like what you see? Cancel the date! (This is not my advice, I simply want to iterate how easy it is to get to know someone and then drop them).

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The problem with dating apps is that while they open you up to a range of people you wouldn’t usually meet, everyone lies online. Everyone pretends that their life is that little bit better than it is. If you’re shopping for a used car online, would you rather go for the shiny new model or the banger with a thousand defects? The first one, right? People know this, which is why when browsing for a partner, you have to take them with a pinch of salt because everyone wants to sell themselves in the beginning. You can apply this premise to the actual first few dates also.

Lack of serious intentions

Any conscious young woman will be aware that the dating scene is a minefield of timewasters and playboys. The type of man that will string you along for a few months with no interest in taking things further. Don’t invest time in people like this if the end goal is a serious and committed relationship. Many women give too many chances when it comes to players. Use your intuition to tell you if the warning signs are there. As you get older, you should be able to identify and deal with time wasters because, let’s face it, you’re bound to meet a few in your lifetime. If this is a recurring theme with your exes, then maybe they’re not the problem and you need to start choosing better.

Freedom of choice

After speaking with some colleagues, I found that it’s a common belief that young couples are quick to end relationships without giving them a proper chance. Maybe we are just giving up on each other too easily?! Most of our grandparents would have been married from a young age, and according to statistics, marriages also lasted longer. This is not because their love was more profound, but because marriages work, and sometimes you just have to suck it up and roll up your sleeves during the tough times. In all honesty, I think this is a controversial point for these three reasons: women are more independent now and do not have to stay in unhappy marriages, divorce is a necessity for anybody suffering from domestic violence and why should we have to put up with shit we don’t want to?

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Other priorities in life

There’s no shame in delaying a committed relationship until you have all your ducks in a row. This could be dealing with emotional trauma or nailing that dream job. Western society’s lax attitude to dating accommodates this type of lifestyle. We live in an age where you can literally browse for a human being online to have a short-term companionship, then walk away when bored or something better comes along. This convenience gives a false sense of security that we can put off looking for a spouse for a few years. Just let the record show that this is a big risk, when you’re finally ready do you think prince charming will ride in on a horse? The answer is no.

Shifting values

You may think you’ve opened the door to a potential new relationship. Before you know it, the influx of dick pics, “wyd” text messages, and requests for nudie selfies kills any type of spark that was brewing. Most women are not expecting their partner to pay for a 5-course meal and serenade them in Hyde Park. All we’re asking for is a little respect, which seems to be difficult to grasp for some. What I personally find hard to understand, is that standards for chivalry have dropped and some men still can’t get it right. Which on my most pessimistic day beckons me to believe that I will die alone.

But alas, today is a positive day and I believe that we all have a fair chance at finding love. It’s important to recognize the potential obstacles to your happiness to avoid them to the best of your ability. But rest assured, your dating days will be over when you least expect it.

Charlie is a graduate in Media and English Literature, an excitable blogger, and a closet comedian. Also, Netflix enthusiast, friend to dogs, foodie, book club aficionado, and wannabe jet-setter.

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