love life is no-existent

Lots of accomplished single people I know tell me they haven’t been out on a date in two or three years. Even though there are a lot of obstacles to dating, it is still possible to meet someone and fall in love. It just takes more work than it used to back in the days when the Internet and dating apps were not available and people were not that picky. Here are five reasons why your love life is non-existent.

You use the wrong strategy

If you’ve been trying to find The One on Tinder or other online dating apps unsuccessfully, don’t let your self-esteem be affected by that. There are literally millions of people who are single. Just because they didn’t swipe right doesn’t mean you aren’t a great person. It could be that you happen to have a bad picture or a picture of you with six other people and they cannot figure out who you are. Spend some time creating your profile. Use short words and then add one word that will arouse curiosity. Girls usually look at the profile and guys should too so they can connect with a person. No gym mirror selfies, please. Make sure you look happy and cheerful. Also, post a picture that is not too far away, and don’t wear sunglasses so your potential matches can properly see your face.

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You are not proactive

You have seen a person’s dating profile, social media page and Googled them. You text back and forth. At some point, you may ask them or receive an invitation to hang out sometime. If you say ok, it has to move from vague sometimes to actual places and times. My friend Katie said she is infuriated by how passive guys seem to be. They can’t plan anything or take any kind of decisive action. My advice is to suggest someplace public and neutral, like a coffee shop or a well-traveled area in a park or at the mall. Don’t get stuck in the text-only situation. You actually need to meet as soon as possible.

You stumble upon gold diggers

Don’t loan or give anybody money, ever. I heard from many beautiful girls that got conned out of money by someone they had just started dating. They meet a guy online and go out a few times and seem to really vibe. Or it may be a catfish online trying to take all your money. The scammer thinks of some sob story, like the car payment is late and about to be repossessed or the electricity will get cut off tomorrow. One gorgeous girl told me about getting taken for $200. This guy she liked and had seen a few times said he needed the money bad and that he would be able to pay her back the very next day. She loaned it to him and never heard from him again. This is actually a job to these creeps. One guy I heard about was in 18 different “relationships” online and in-person and got lots of money from these women. No matter how great you are, these scammers will see you as a paycheck. If you never loan or give money to the other person, you don’t have to worry that they are just using you for money.

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You sacrifice your personal life

You have to show people that your time is valuable and you cannot be taken for granted. I listened to one young man talking about how the girl that he liked frequently found excused not to show up on their dates. Since he really liked the girl, he would always let her reschedule the next day or when she next had time available. Then he realized that she did this more and more. He finally just quit rescheduling. He actually made plans for himself, even if it was to watch a certain show one night with his friends or his roommate. Then he wasn’t lying when he said he had other plans. When he quit being so available, she started following through with their plans. Suddenly, she had more time for him.

Also, you might be sacrificing too much. If you like golf, keep golfing. If you like dancing, keep dancing. I’ve met people who changed their hobby to suit whatever the other person was interested in. That is going to lead to misery. Also, some people want to fit in with their potential partner that they are willing to ditch the things they really like. A better approach is to do what you love and hopefully meet someone who likes the hobby as much as you do. I know many couples who have met golfing or playing tennis.

You are too harsh with yourself

Finding a potential partner can involve a lot of rejection. You are worthwhile and lovable regardless of some person’s desire to date you or not. You only need to find one person you are compatible with to make a good match. When you are kind to yourself, you attract healthy people who are kind to themselves and others. Just think of it like house hunting. There is no house that is ideal for everyone. People might look at thirty different houses before they buy. That doesn’t mean that the other 29 houses were crap. It just means that the other 29 were not a good fit for their needs right now. If a guy or girl doesn’t want a relationship with you, they are probably doing you a favor. They may not be at a point in their lives where they can handle a relationship. They might not want a commitment. Or it could be that right now, it is not a good fit. Keep trying until you find the one. Try and have fun while you are meeting new people. It will work out for you in the long run.

Jane is a former college professor turned businesswoman. She owns two businesses in Charlotte, NC and is the author of Power Path to Love. Jane is happily married and has advised many people on how to improve their relationships. She also has done a series of brief YouTube videos on how to increase prosperity and positivity.

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