attract love

Your first love begins with you. It’s the most significant relationship you will encounter from your first step into this world to falling in love with your perfect match. Your solidarity and sense of self are a prominent piece to attracting the relationship you dream about at night.

When it comes to romantic feelings, you attract what you’re ready for. So if you’re ready to attract love, then your self-love has to be so strong it’s intoxicating.

Your self-development of learning who you are, what you want, and what you’re looking for in a partner all begins with you exploring your values, interests, and goals. Priming for a healthy, loving relationship starts with you becoming number one in your own life. Here are five things you selfishly need in order to attract love.


Self-love is not something you can buy at a department store or online when browsing for gratifying gifts. If it was that easy, then would it really be love? Not saying self-love is difficult to achieve, however, it’s definitely not something you can’t obtain in a single experience or buy for that matter.

Self-love takes patience, compassion, and understanding of the self to come into fruition with consistent actions over time. As you fully embrace love and acceptance with yourself, you will learn to appreciate your strengths and weaknesses as a whole. If you find yourself only focusing on the positives, then your weaknesses will continue to hinder your growth in this process of developing self-love.

Self-love flourishes over time through interactive experiences with yourself and only yourself. Whether it’s daily positive affirmations or investing in your personal hobbies, finding love within your own lifestyle makes you magnetic for a relationship. Loving yourself wholeheartedly will attract the relationship you desire for eternity. When you accept yourself, then they will too.


If you have low self-esteem, then more than likely you won’t be commanding the self-respect you deserve. Self-esteem is how you feel and think about yourself based on external perceptions. Whereas self-respect is based on your actions. By having a positive sense of self, this conveys how well you respect yourself and how others will treat you in return.

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You set the tone for all of your relationships based on your actions. Having a positive mindset will likely attract a partner who will respect your needs. If you act in a manner that seems to disregard your moral standards or makes you feel uncomfortable, then it’s likely you are being disrespectful to yourself.

The greater you respect yourself, you’re more likely you will find yourself saying ‘no’ to situations that may not be ideal. Not only does this set boundaries with others, it also increases your self-love and self-esteem.


Your self-worth is determined by core values which are based on your beliefs. Values will guide you in making lifestyle choices, as well as selecting a quintessential partner. Your values are unlikely to waiver based on the influence of others or circumstances, as they have been instilled in you from an early age.

Having a high sense of self-worth means you are fully aware of what you want, what you need, and what direction you are heading in accordance with your goals. You hold yourself accountable as you pursue your career, develop strong relationships with family and friends, and actively date to meet a quality partner.

You own who you are! By defining your top five relationship values, you are likely to choose a partner who meets your needs based on the kind of relationship you want.

Ask yourself:

What kind of relationship am I looking for?
What is it I need to feel happy and healthy in a relationship?
What does love mean to me?
What do I need from a partner?
What can I live with and live without based on my limits?

Your relationship values give you the protocol you will need to survive in a relationship. For example, “I need open communication to feel a connection with my partner.” Or, “I value honesty as it lets me know we are on the same page.”

As you identify your values, you will have a more concrete vision of yourself. Your self-worth will allow you to close the door on candidates who aren’t a good match because they don’t support your values. When it comes to love, you may compromise certain things to find alignment with a partner, but your values are a part of you and unlikely to change.

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For example, If you are hanging out with someone on a date and they mention one of your limitations, this will be your cue that they will more than likely not be a good fit for you. As your opposing values may have you feeling like you’re in a constant game of tug of war. The sooner you know your values, the easier it is to date. And you will feel more confident and in control of the process, as you trust yourself to choose wisely.


Confidence is your personal power to attracting others into your world. When you walk into a room, you can turn heads like no other. Your presence is like a magnetic field pulling people in. And it’s not always about what you wear or how you look, your positive energy comes from the inside out.

To build confidence, it begins with your inside appearance. Do you feel happy? Do you love yourself? Do you enjoy your current lifestyle? If you are answering ‘no’ to any of these questions, then it’s time to get down to business.

Confidence evolves based on positive thoughts and feelings you have about yourself. You believe you are capable of reaching your goals no matter what risks you need to take to get there. You know you have the ability to succeed, even if it takes a little grit. All in all, you show up in your life ready, motivated, and determined without letting anything hold you back.

When it comes to love, you have to be willing to go on an adventure by actively putting yourself out there despite how many times you might face rejection. It takes confidence to hear being told ‘no’ over and over again. You’ll need to have patience with the process. And when you do meet your partner, you still will need to be confident in your relationship. Confidence is sexy and attractive making your partner desire you more. This allows for you to trust each other without worrying about the “what ifs” The stronger your mindset, the more self-love, the easier it is to remain confident and navigate at ease.

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How you care for yourself determines the attraction others will have for you. Whether it’s going to the gym, conscious eating, being well-groomed, meditating, painting, listening to your favorite band, journaling, creating positive affirmations, learning a new language, or creating a day spa at home; you naturally feel better about yourself because you take care of you.

Plus, more than likely you’re attracted to a partner who’s in shape, keeps up with their appearance, and is mindfully full of love, right?  So if you want that, then you have to be willing to do it for yourself first.

Self-care is a cognizant effort of carving out time in your schedule. Whether it’s thirty minutes or two hours, having the intention to pursue what nurtures your mind and body will keep you happy and healthy. It’s simple as getting up an extra hour early before work or doing it late in the evenings before turning on the television.

Make yourself a priority

When it comes to looking your best, a little grooming goes a long way. You don’t have to follow the latest haircut trends or step outside of your comfort zone, however looking your best naturally shows you care about yourself.

Not to mention, eating can get pretty out of hand these days with all the instant choices on delivery apps. Scheduling grocery shopping one day a week can assist in choosing healthy options without all the extra delivery fees and calories. Your body will thank you later when you feel less bloated, have more energy, and have no worries when it comes to wearing your favorite blue jeans.

To increase your mindfulness, try doing something that elevates your mood. The more you take time doing you, the more attractive you become. You are creating layers to uncover and that’s intriguing in itself. Individuals who work on improving themselves are generally happier and attract healthier partners.

If you want to attract love, then you’re going to have to get selfish. Selfishly taking care of you keeps yourself thriving as an individual within a relationship. And more than likely, you are wanting a partner who is selfishly healthy too.


Jillian and Jan are twin Relationship and Lifestyle Coaches who help singles attract love by uncovering the secrets of what the opposite sex desires. You can visit them at Entwined Lifestyle or Instagram for their latest word. And if they aren't at their desk, you can find them gallivanting outdoors or at a local bakery indulging on confections.

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