Last December I broke up with the love of my life. I was too much into myself and then I realized that things didn’t work out because of various reasons. Probably it was a purpose for something bigger to happen. I always believed that relationship works due to a few reasons but I started to doubt them post my break up. I was recovering from my heartache when an old friend of mine stepped forward and made magic happen. So much so that we are getting married in January.
Relationships are brittle but they always flourish when you know both your and your partner’s needs. We all know that it is not a wise idea to throw yourself in the very first relationship that comes your way without even thinking about the pros and cons. But have you ever thought about the things that you should look for in a relationship and your partner?
Many young adults don’t pay a lot of heed to this question and end up falling into a relationship (just like I did) that they find a burden after some time. Whether it is the way you live or the habits that make a relationship bloom, it is all about the needs that you have that should be met. If not, things will fall apart after a certain interval of time.
So what makes a relationship last? Here are seven things that I found important.
1. Love – and lots of love
The beginning of a relationship needs a lot of love to sustain it. Just like a child needs love when they are born, you too need to have somebody that you receive love from. Love is one of the basic needs in the hierarchy of human needs. And, if you don’t find this in the relationship you have, your behavior will face fixations that in the long run will affect your personality.
Our parents always teach us to be kind. What for? So that we can handle relationships with others. There are certain things that make a long-lasting impact and make things stronger. Kindness and being considerate are some of those traits that make you wanted and needed. The other day I saw a woman who was crying and looked deprived of something. While everybody around was just looking at her and did nothing about it, one woman stepped forward gave her water to drink, sat with her, and consoled her. Everyone wants this kind of kindness which is selfless and needs nothing in return.
3. Understanding of silence
Though I have seen numerous quotes about how people expect their partners to understand their silence, it sounded ridiculous to me till I experienced it myself. You need to understand not only the words that come from your partner’s mouth but also deeper and more intense things that the body speaks about and respect their need for personal space. Another point to this aspect would be sharing the silence together without getting uncomfortable.
4. A feeling of comfort
The feeling of comfort is the foundation of any relationship. If you are not comfortable, your relationship will not get you anywhere. I am sure you had that feeling when you fall into someone’s arms and it feels like you belong there. Comfort is an important requirement even for the clothes you wear, let alone for your life and it’s one of the most important factors that make a relationship last.
5. Ability to be yourself
If you feel pressured to change yourself, the relationship might not be worth the investment. Ultimately, you would want somebody who allows you to be yourself despite your differences. Would you want to give up your passions, wanderlust, and personal values? Would that be the real you in the future? If you feel that your partner is trying to make you give up all the things that define your personality, the best thing would be to let them go.
6. Having a true listener
What is the main difference between someone listening and actually hearing you? You don’t want your partner to just nod their head and forget what you say the minute you finish the sentence. Listening to what the other person has to say and giving feedback is the foundation of meaningful interaction. Someone who is listening to you is the one who is investing their time, acknowledging your point of view, and showing you that you are important to them.
You don’t want your life to be dull and boring, do you? Having a partner who has a good sense of humor makes life much more enjoyable and easier when things get serious in the family. A person with a great sense of humor is not only the one who cracks jokes but will also be the one who can react to your jokes and share positive emotions with you.
I found all those traits in my fiancé and that’s what makes our relationship successful. Your list of desired traits might be different, but if you know what you want, you’ll surely find it.