You know the feeling of intense desire, the longing for him to touch you all the right places. The dirty looks across the office or the water fountain. You have toe-curling, earth-shaking sex and can´t wait to do it again. All that is fine and you are pretty sure he feels the same way.
One day you catch yourself picturing his last name combined with your first name. Now the struggle begins and you go start thinking (and probably overthinking) everything he says and writes.
You have fallen in love with a guy and wondering if he feels the same way: “Does he love me? Does he see me as a potential girlfriend or maybe even wife?” I will give you a list of criteria that will help you to determine his intentions.
1. Do you have deep intimate conversations?
Ask yourself if you like deep conversation and if your man is able to do that. If you do not have deep conversations, your relationship is more likely to be defined as passionate sex rather than deep love.
We get to know people through deep intimate conversation. When we feel like having those deep conversations that´s where the real connection is made and that´s where it is nurtured.
2. Are you always in bed when you are together?
How long have you known each other? If you are in a new relationship it is not uncommon to have deep conversations in bed. But if you have sex and he has to leave relatively soon after you finished or rush to the shower only to dress and lose interest in you, he´s probably not head over heels in love with you.
You can feel the uncomfortable knot in your stomach. You feel the almost immediate distance after sex and want to get out of the situation (or back to the intensity right before he carried you to the bedroom).
3. Is he talking about the future with you?
Does he tell about you to his friends? Does he tell you about his family or want you to meet them? Does he want to go out with your friends? When a man is in love, he would do these things because he wants to know more about you and wants you to be a part of his life.
If he tells you of his problems and struggles but never really asks you how you are, it is time to admit that you are a friend with benefits. He likes your company but does not see you as marriage material.
4. Are you relaxed with him?
You know the feeling when time flies by when you are with the right people? You lose track of time and all of sudden a weekend went by. You feel relaxed and happy and do not pay excessive attention to your looks or what you say and do. Your intuition is telling you that you are loved and it is the most powerful tool you can use.
On the flip side if you feel constant tensions when you are together, trying to look good and say only the right things that are uncertain. If a man loves you the uncertainty vanishes into thin air.
5. Are you happy?
If he is into you, he will make an effort to see you happy and you’ll feel like you want to see him happy too. However, you shouldn’t forget what you want, not thinking all the time about how to please him. Men want a woman who is comfortable in her own skin and dare to stand for her own decisions. If you please him too much, he will lose respect for you and you will lose respect for yourself.
6. Is he single?
Are you sure he is single? If he is married or in a relationship with someone else, you have to let him go, even if you feel he loves you and you love him.
He is in place with emotional turbulence and you can be a comforting pillow and a bit of joy in his hectic life. But he must sort out his own life before he is able to give you the love you deserve. So please let him go and tell him to come back when he is single and ready for something serious.
7. Does he make time for you?
Is he playing vulnerable to get your attention or is it a true feeling he is showing? It can be extremely hard to see the difference, but once you see a man expressing true emotions, you are less in doubt. You should pay attention to the fact that men actually do act emotionally if they´ve learned that it can take them to women’s beds.
Are his actions intended for your welfare or actually for his own good? Does he call you when he says he will? Does he show up every time you agree to meet? Or maybe you are going around for days or even weeks wondering if you will ever hear from him again?
If he loves you, he prioritizes you and will do a visible effort to be with you. If not, he lacks the motivation to make it happen. At least you have a good sex buddy – congratulations!
Trust your instincts
If you want more from this man you first and foremost need to look at your own dreams. What do you want (not a checklist for your ideal partner)? What is important to you? How can you be happy in your life with or without a man?
Then you have to look at his actions. Actions speak the truth and can´t be manipulated the same way words can. Does he treat you the way you want to be treated? Does he treat himself with love and respect? Does he treat other people (and animals) well? If he does, he is able to love you and is more likely to fall in love than if he is filled with disrespect and anger.
Your gut feeling is a very valuable guide. If it feels right and you feel happy and safe, you are definitely on the right track to a loving relationship.
However, if you feel worried and constantly asking yourself “Does he love me?” and wondering where this is going, justifying him when he cancels your date (again), or blaming you for something out of your control you should listen to your gut feeling. The best would be to let him go – do not waste your life dreaming of this guy or accept that it is a friends with benefits relationship and date other wonderful men.