You probably secretly hope that, if sometimes unwanted day comes where your relationship ends, you can still stay friends with our ex. I will admit, I’ve hoped for this so much too, as this person can often become your very best friend during your relationship. However, through personal experiences, I have found that no matter how hard you try, this is not always possible. The worst thing you can do is force your ex to be friends with you – they may end up never wanting to see or hear from you again.
But why would a friendship not always be possible? Think about how the relationship ended. Was it a mutual break up? Did your loved one break up with you unexpectedly? Was it an ugly end to your relationship? All of these can influence how likely it is that you’re going to stay friends with your ex.
1. You both agreed on the break up
With a mutual break up, of course it’s going to be the easiest to maintain a friendship. You both decided it was the right thing to do, so why not keep things civil? Especially if there are children involved. They won’t want their parents arguing all the time. No one is saying that you have to love them again, just show respect for them, even if there is nothing else to the friendship than that.
2. One party is angry at the other
On the other extreme end of the scale, an ugly break up is going to make it hard to maintain a friendship so the best bet is to move on. Why would you want to be friends with someone who made you feel so horrible, and vice versa? These are the relationships where a friendship should be avoided at all costs, at least at first. Just give each other time to calm down. If you were meant to be friends, you’ll both be able to get to that point together at some point.
3. You don’t understand why you broke up
And then there is the middle ground. Your loved one may have ended the relationship unexpectedly, or for a reason you don’t agree with, or vice versa. This can leave one party feeling confused, upset and maybe even angry. The best thing to do is talk before those feelings turn into hatred. Can the reasons for the break up be clearly defined? Do they seem like acceptable reasons to the other party?
A basic understanding is the key to beginning to reform a friendship. Communication is crucial even once the relationship has ended. You and your loved one do not want to end up resenting each other for no reason, and if a friendship can be formed, then take it at all costs. Your ex-lover will know so much about you and knowing you still have their trust and respect even if you’re not together anymore can be so comforting.
I have found that it has been almost impossible for me to stay friends with my ex, but being young I am still learning. Everyone makes mistakes in life and especially with dating. But the main aim is to try your best to prevent the negativity. While that’s not always possible, it doesn’t hurt to try.