Creating an online presence that is well written but not over written and truly represents you can seem tricky at the onset. You must humbly portray yourself and all the great features you possess in a way that sets you apart, while at the same time puts you “on top”. It can result in introspection overload. And then the doubts come. “Maybe, I should have said this or that, perhaps I should have used a different pic, a sexier one, or is the one I used over the top?” My estimation is that we have all had these uncomfortable emotions and a fair amount of anxiety regarding our online dating presence.
I work with women entering the online dating arena for the first time. But also with those women who have been “out there” and are not getting the results they had hoped for. All of the advice I offer here comes from my experience helping them and also directly from my own personal online dating experience. So let’s get to just what it is that makes the best dating profile.
Make your expectations clear
I hear so many people speak of profiles they see that actually state things like this: “I’m not sure what I’m looking for here.” This one is a personal pet peeve of mine. I categorise this language as “the fishers”. Don’t get caught up in this waste of time and energy. Online dating is for those who can make decisions in a pretty fast paced environment. If you go down this rabbit hole and respond you may find yourself wrapped in layers of confusion and indecision. In addition, it’s a time and energy waster.
Remind yourself that you certainly don’t want to be involved on any level with someone who has no idea of what they want. Craft your profile statement in a way that you would a mission statement. You certainly don’t want to be someone seen as lost and adrift in this sea of apathy. The confidence that you convey has everything to do with your results.
Traditional ideals versus personal standards
Many are posting profiles for the first time, after long term relationships or marriages have ended. Perhaps your entire belief system around love and dating has been shaken to the core. In these instances there is almost always fear: most often, the fear of what other people will think comes into play. Since they have never been involved in online dating. It seems “new” or “foreign” or even desperate to them to meet new friends this way. However, what they don’t realise is that online dating has become the norm. Due to marriage or their previous long term stable relationship, they didn’t think they would ever be in this particular circumstance.
Think about traditional beliefs. Would your mother or grandmother have done this? Of course not. They also wouldn’t have ordered their groceries online or had a Twitter account.
Our sexual culture and personal freedom has changed immeasurably in the last twenty years alone. So let’s stop with those comparisons. We all know when we get to the core of our truth that worrying about what others may think about anything is not the path to happiness. Be brave, make your own new world. Online dating is an incredible tool for you to potentially reach numerous people and possibilities with regard to relationship and joy.
Don’t confuse letting go of outdated traditional thinking, as the same thing as letting go of your standards. Standards are good. Boundaries are good. Be especially honest with yourself in getting clear on what this means to you. Your standards shouldn’t be about moral judgements per se. Set your personal standard as whatever makes you happy, content and honestly serves you best.
Communicate with confidence
The number one winner of all the personal impressions is confidence. Men have commented to me, “you are so confident, that’s sooo sexy.” In my early years, I appeared confident. I heard this throughout my life when going to a new high school, in speech class etc. This was an attribute of my outer personality that I was born with.
In fact, confidence isn’t about feeling confident inside. I think it’s about the perception of behaving confident. The mystery of it. So appearing confident and actually being confident are two different things entirely. True inner confidence developed when I began to put myself in situations outside of my comfort zone. Be brave. Try something that you never thought you could do. Try out a new style or two.
Until you master your confidence, think before you speak. Say less. Smile more. It makes you look more approachable and interesting. When you don’t immediately spill everything about yourself, you develop an aura of mystery. One of the first signs in someone who lacks confidence or who is uncomfortable or nervous is a lot of chatter. The more you go on, the more nervous you become and appear. It’s a vicious cycle.
When you become aware of the power of confidence and how it adds to your ability to attract others, you will begin to grow true confidence within yourself that is impossible to hide. So, be confident and mysterious in your online profile and activity. People will find you buttery smooth and be intrigued by your demeanour. They will want to know more. It is very important to also note here, that true inner confidence has nothing to do with your income or background. Nobody takes your genuine confidence away from you. It is yours.
Don’t follow the beaten track
So many profiles online are similar. Don’t follow these examples by duplicating the same language and style. Set yourself apart. Be original. You don’t need to include every aspect of your personality in a short profile. Choose three to four of the most important things about yourself. Ask yourself what you would want someone to know if they decide to contact you.
Create your profile as if you were actually meeting a person in the flesh for the first time. It is true that you rarely if ever get a second chance at making a good first impression. Your profile presence should reflect your general mood regarding life and love. Don’t make the mistake of emphasising physical details or attributes; that’s what a great profile photo is for. Remember your online dating presence is representative of you, and no one else is like you!
Luck has nothing to do with it
People get lost in the sheer number of members on a dating site. It’s overwhelming? It’s about “getting lucky”? Is your profile just not getting noticed? Maybe your profile needs revisiting. The writing is key. Don’t over-complicate it. Just be genuine, authentic and thoughtful. Write a message about who you are including your best qualities.
Your profile picture is important. However, it should be part of the balance of your profile. Don’t rely on a great profile photo to do the trick. Even though we all can be very susceptible to visual stimulation, your online presence should be a fuller, deeper picture of you as a whole person. The photo advice I give to my clients is this: include one great head shot and one other whole body shot. Of course we all want to look sexy and appealing. Let’s achieve this tastefully. Take the time to get the right pics to go with your words. Remember to keep the mystery and don’t give it all away here.
Before you set down to create your best dating profile, you need to recognise that you are unique. There is simply no one like you in the universe! Believe it and show it. Start by taking some time with yourself to contemplate this fact. As you remind yourself of all the wonderful qualities you possess, make a list of these points. Narrow the list to what you consider to be the most important three or four personal descriptors. Once again not based on physicality, but based on your inner most important self. Now you are ready to tackle the creation of best dating profile, knowing that you are someone a lot of others want to meet.