Almost every guy who has ever lived has at some point pondered the eternal question: “how do I get a girl to like me?” This dilemma has stumped men through the ages, from medieval knights yearning for the attention of a fair maiden to college students trying to catch the eye of the babe across the bar. Figuring out how to make a girl like you has two main steps: getting her to notice you and then getting her to fall for you. This guide will cover everything you need to know to get her attention and win her affections.
18 tricks to get a girl interested in you
The first step of getting the girl to like you is getting her to notice you. This can be surprisingly tricky, especially if you usually see her as part of a crowd, like a school or a college class, a workplace, or large social events. Suppose you have seen a girl that catches your eye and find yourself thinking about her more than the rest of the girls you see in passing. In that case, you may be wondering how to get from here to the point where you are one of her prospects for dating. These steps make up a strategy for getting her to notice you and be interested in you beyond merely a friend or acquaintance. These tips are not just useful for focusing on a specific girl—they will help you be more attractive to women in general.
1. Work out what you like about her
Working out what you like about her (and maybe even writing it down) is the first thing you should do. There are two important reasons that you should do this. The first reason is that by knowing what makes you like others, you can get an idea of what may make others like you. Of course, you don’t have to get too specific here—if you like the way she wears her hair in a ribbon, you don’t have to do the exact same thing to your hair!
The second reason is that doing this can help you work out if your attraction is likely to be fleeting or on a deeper level. Things that catch your attention in the short-term aren’t necessarily the things that make for a promising relationship.
2. Have good personal hygiene
You can tick off every other step in this guide, but you are almost guaranteed to fail if your personal hygiene is lacking. The first step to being attractive to women is being clean. This means looking clean and smelling clean. In fact, you shouldn’t be doing this just to attract women—you should be doing it for your own benefit and for everyone else you come into contact with! Showering daily (with soap or shower gel), brushing your teeth twice a day, and washing your hair with shampoo (anywhere between weekly and daily depending on your hair type) is the foundation of good hygiene.
3. Have a social life
People are attracted to others who have friends and active social lives. Ensuring that you are seen taking part in social activities makes you look trustworthy and fun because others enjoy spending time with you.
Spending time with people you like and who like you is one of the most important steps here. If your social life looks enjoyable, she is more likely to want to be a part of it.
4. Have a passion
Having a passion in life is attractive. Whether your passion is for sports, music, literature, cooking, dancing, or movies, it doesn’t matter too much. A person who has an area of interest that really makes them feel alive is much more appealing to others than somebody who is uninterested in everything in life. If your passion matches hers, even better! However, don’t fake an interest in something—this is dishonest and will probably be spotted quickly.
5. Dress the part
Good dress sense is not a simple one-size-fits-all (no pun intended) concept. What clothes fit you personally are likely to be different from what suit others. Your sense of style is your own, but some basic “rules” stick to as a foundation of dressing well. Wear clothes that are clean and fit you well, and avoid color clashes. If you are struggling to choose what to wear, don’t underestimate the power of a simple well-fitting shirt.
6. Choose a haircut that suits you
Like with cress sense, the haircut that is best for each person will vary. Why not work out what “type” of hair you have (e.g., thick, thin, dry, oily, curly, wavy, straight, afro, etc.) and your face shape. Check Google images for examples of similar men to give you some ideas and inspiration?
Don’t be afraid to go for something a little less conventional, like a mohawk or a quiff, if it really suits you!
7. Wear cologne
Smell is a powerful sense, and it is scientifically proven to play a huge role in attraction. The essential foundation of smelling good is, of course, being clean. However, there are other things that you can do after you step out of the shower and before you leave the house. Why not use a scented deodorant and even a body spray or aftershave? Choosing the right scent to match your natural odor may take trial and error, so why not test out cologne samples and get some opinions before you splash out?
While a bit of cologne can get a girl more interested in you, too much will be overpowering and unpleasant and can also make you seem desperate. Getting the balance right is crucial.
8. Get her attention
So, you are looking good, smelling good, and appearing attractive in every way. Now you need to draw her attention to this (if you don’t already have it). There isn’t one way to get a girl to notice you that works in every situation—what you should do to get her attention in class is very different from what you should do in a bar or club.
In most cases, the first step will be to make eye contact with her. Don’t stare at her for too long or in a creepy way, and don’t look away embarrassed the second she looks back either. Aim for a middle ground that shows that you have acknowledged her.
9. Initiate a conversation
Some girls are more forward than others. If you have followed these steps so far and got her attention and interest enough that she starts a conversation with you herself, congratulations—you can skip this step!
However, in many situations, you will have to make the first move yourself. Initiating a conversation with a girl you like can be tricky. You may not know how to do this. You may be the kind of guy who is confident enough to simply walk over to her and introduce yourself—if this works for you, great. However, many guys would prefer to wait for a situation that enables the conversation to start more naturally. Situations like walking between classes or going to the office watercooler can provide opportunities. If you have her phone number or her contact on social media, messaging her might be a good option to start the conversation.
10. Share your similarities
Sharing your similarities with a person is an excellent way to make them like you. Most of us prefer to spend time with people we have things in common with. Similarities or shared experiences are a great conversation starter too. For example, start a conversation with “That lecture was confusing. Did it make any sense to you?” or “Nice bar, isn’t it? Have you been here before?” It will help to establish a common ground that a longer conversation can develop from.
11. Pay her a compliment
Most women love to receive compliments. While it has worked for some people, it is usually best not to go overboard with showering praise on people. Saying “You are the most beautiful person I have ever seen in my life” in your first conversation is likely to make her uncomfortable. Something less extreme like “you’re funny” or “I really like your hair” can really flatter her.
Beautiful women are used to receiving compliments about their appearance, so these may not make you stand out from the crowd. Shifting the focus from her face or body and onto her fashion choices or personality can be a welcome change. Instead of “You’re hot,” try “I like your sense of style” or compliment her dress or makeup. It is best to avoid sexualized compliments at first—more on this later in almost all situations.
12. Use humor
Humor is one of the most effective tools you can use in the art of seduction. Many women have been charmed into bed or even into long-term relationships because a guy makes them laugh. This doesn’t mean you should tell a string of jokes without context or try to include a witty one-liner at every opportunity. Even if your jokes land, this is likely to seem desperate.
Being naturally funny is about being laid-back and seeing the humor in everyday events. Saying the unexpected or slightly risque can work, but don’t cross the line into being offensive. Your humor should always target yourself as much as others, and never be too cruel.
13. Flirt with her playfully
Flirting can be your way of transitioning from a friendly conversation you would have with any friend or acquaintance to a conversation you would have with a potential girlfriend. Flirting is more of an art than a science and is difficult to teach. Instead of memorizing pick-up lines, understanding the fundamentals of flirting is more effective. Asking a girl flirty questions will help you break the ice and make the conversation playful.
Flirting should integrate smoothly into a conversation. It can include gentle teasing (not about physical attributes or anything else that the girl may be self-conscious about), gradually pushing up to (but not crossing) boundaries. This is called the push-pull method. It involves taking it in turns to tease the other or act suggestively and waiting for the response. This method is effective and prevents you from crossing boundaries too quickly because it requires constant reciprocation.
14. Break the touch barrier
Breaking the touch barrier is an integral part of flirting. Most of us don’t touch most of the people we speak to daily (unless we are from a culture where hugs and kisses are the norm), so it can be hard to think of a reason to touch her. Don’t overthink it—why not just touch her forearm and ask, “Hey, do you want a drink?” as you stand up to go to the bar?
Putting your jacket on her shoulders if it is cold can work. You can also brush a speck of dust off her clothing, but you should say what you are doing; otherwise, it may seem like you suddenly reached out and stroked her for no reason. If she is more goofy and humorous, why not offer her a high-five? Breaking the touch barrier in any way can make a girl feel closer to you. However, start subtle and stop if she seems uncomfortable. Never touch her in an intrusive or sexual way without having established that this is welcome.
15. Be confident
Confidence is one of the most attractive qualities in a man to most women. If a man knows he is fun, interesting, and attractive, others are likely to believe these about him too. Being confident does not mean being loud or attention-seeking—you can still be confident as a quiet person.
If you struggle with confidence, try the “fake it ’til you make it” method. Using open, friendly body language is an excellent way to appear confident. However, avoid overconfidence. Overconfidence is likely to lead to arrogance—more on this later.
16. Be humble
Even if you aren’t all that confident, don’t beat yourself up. You are not doomed to fail, and many people lacking in confidence have happy and healthy relationships. Acknowledging that you are not always confident is no bad thing, even in conversation. Most people appreciate honesty. A guy who is aware of his own limitations and carries on despite them is often attractive to girls.
Self-deprecating humor can often lighten a mood. Being comfortable with laughing at yourself shows that you are laid-back, humble, and not too uptight about having fun. As with all things, don’t take it too far or make too many jokes about your failures.
17. Have something to say
The courage of conviction is attractive. If you have an opinion on something, don’t lie about it or hide it if it is one of your deeply-held beliefs. If a girl seriously disagrees with you on essential values, perhaps the two of you just aren’t compatible, and it’s better to find this out sooner rather than later.
Of course, not every time and situation is the best time to air your opinions—be tactful and mindful of others’ feelings. For example, if a girl asks for your opinion on a controversial topic like religion or politics, don’t be afraid to voice if it is important to you. However, don’t give unsolicited opinions where they are likely to offend. Saying to someone, “your dress is ugly” might be “speaking your mind,” but it is also cruel and unnecessary.
18. Listen to what she has to say
This doesn’t just mean nodding and saying “uh-huh” when she speaks to you. Women can usually see through this, and it doesn’t make them want to keep talking to you. Suppose you genuinely listen to her because you are interested in learning about her. In that case, she will feel valued and associate you with positive feelings. If you aren’t interested in what she says, you should probably pursue somebody else rather than pretending to be.
A good conversation usually involves each person speaking and listening a roughly equal amount of time. If one of you is always talking and the other can’t get a word in, you won’t develop any chemistry.
How to get a girl to like you over text
Not every conversation happens face-to-face. If you have sparked a girl’s interest after meeting in real life and got her number, you may have to wait a while before the next time you see her in person. If this is the case, she may forget about you if you fail to follow up after that initial spark. Strike while the iron is hot, and send her a text a day or two after your meeting!
The principles of how to make a girl like you are the same over text or social media message as they are in person, but the specifics of the format are a little different as factors like body language are absent. If you’re not sure what to text her, here are some ideas!
1. Ask her about herself
Although sending jokes or memes that you think she will find funny is an excellent way of starting or reigniting a conversation, don’t just stick to humor. She may also want a genuine conversation with someone, so why not ask her about her day? People love to be listened to and often gain affection for the listener. Ask her personal questions that will help to get to know her better.
2. Send her things that will make her laugh
Making her laugh applies just as much over text messages as it does in person. Texting (including social media messaging, apps like Snapchat, etc.) is an area where you are more able to entertain her with a string of jokes of funny pick-up lines than you are in person. Over text, this usually seems less awkward, and she is likely texting as a way to keep herself entertained at home.
3. Talk about topics that interest her
By now, you should have some idea of what her interests are. If you see a news article or video that you think she would be interested in or hear a song you think she might like, send it over. This is where exciting conversations can really develop and teach you about each other.
4. Don’t just talk about yourself
Whatever you do, don’t use her inbox as a place to dump information about yourself or complain about every aspect of your day. Talking just about yourself will make you seem self-obsessed and not interested in her or what she has to say.
5. Don’t text too much
Texting her too frequently or telling her everything about your day in great detail is likely to bore her. If she receives texts from you every day, she won’t look forward to them and may even become annoyed by them. If you are not sure how much to text, take cues from her messages, and apply the earlier conversation rule that you should text roughly the same amount.
6. Reply at the right time
Although you should avoid texting too much, this doesn’t mean that you should ignore her messages and not reply. This will make you seem unreliable or even rude. However, don’t respond the second you get her message every time—this can make it seem like you have nothing else going on in your life. It is usually best to reply anywhere between a couple of minutes and a couple of hours after getting a text.
7. Show a balance in your personality
Texting is usually a format where light-hearted jokes are favored over deeper conversations but don’t avoid getting “deep” so much that you end up seeming shallow. The earlier tips about showing passion and paying genuine compliments apply just as much to texting.
8. Maintain effort
If you are busy, you may not have time to talk to her every day. This isn’t necessarily a problem—just be honest about it and make sure she knows this is the reason for being quiet. You don’t want to appear like you’re making no effort because you just can’t be bothered to. Checking in on her as much as she checks in on you is vital for keeping the conversation going and keep her interest in you.
9. Refer to times you spent together in real life
Mentioning things the two of you experienced together in person (as long as these are positive) will remind her that you are not just a name on a phone screen. This will also make her think of good memories and probably want to see you again face-to-face.
Suppose you haven’t yet spent much—or any—time together in person. Why not mention fun experiences like restaurants or day trips that you have had, and invite her on a date to do them together?
10. Have fun
The most important thing to remember is that texting her should be fun, not stressful! If communication feels like a chore or often brings you anxiety, maybe she is not right for you. If her name pops up on your phone and you feel excited to see what she has sent you, this is a good sign.
10 mistakes to avoid when trying to impress her
So, you’ve got something promising going with her. She’s replying to your texts and enjoying your conversations. While following these steps, it is important not to sabotage your chances by turning her off.
These mistakes can really make you screw up when trying to get a girl’s attention, and you should avoid them.
1. Don’t be clingy or needy
Showing interest in her is an excellent way to make a girl like you. However, when taken to an extreme, this can make you seem needy or possessive. If you insist on texting a girl every five minutes to check up on her while she is having fun with friends or family, she will feel smothered and restricted.
2. Don’t be rude or mean
The concept of “negging” (putting somebody down in an attempt to make them chase after your approval) is popular advice in pick-up artist circles. However, in reality, being mean is usually likely to push people away from you. Avoiding being clingy or overly complimentary does not mean going to the other extreme. Not only can you ruin your chances with a girl, but you can also ruin your reputation in general.
3. Don’t be arrogant
Confidence is attractive, but many guys fall into the trap of mistaking arrogance for confidence. The way to find out if you are being arrogant is to ask yourself two questions: is your confidence based on comparing yourself to others, and do you avoid self-deprecation? If the answer to one or both is “yes,” you may be displaying arrogance.
4. Don’t expect her to do all the work
Building a connection, or even dating, is a process that has to be carried out by both people. If you are trying to get a girl to like you, you will need to put in some effort. If you get lazy as soon as she shows you some interest back and you wait for her to initiate conversations every time, she will lose interest.
5. Don’t badmouth others to her
As mentioned earlier, confidence should be about bringing yourself up rather than bringing others down. If you continuously criticize others, you’re going to come across as insecure and no fun to be around. Not many girls like negativity. Not to mention, she may wonder what you say about her when she isn’t there, and you may get a reputation as spiteful.
6. Don’t be sexual too fast
Of course, sexuality is a part of seduction. The amount and speed of sexual comments and behavior will vary based on what each girl is comfortable with. However, it is usually a terrible idea to be too sexually forward too fast. Sexual compliments, requests, or even touches before making sure she is ok with that is likely to turn a girl off or even get you into a lot of trouble. Respect her boundaries, and increase your flirting slowly and only when it receives a positive response.
7. Don’t ignore her opinions
Even if you have worked out how to get a girl to like you and have her full attention, not respecting her opinions will make sure she loses interest. If you want to make a girl like you, you need to make sure she feels valued and respected.
8. Don’t be patronizing
Many women report that men are often patronizing and assume that women don’t understand things or are incapable of tasks. Don’t over-explain things that you are talking to her about. It is better to have to explain something if she asks you to rather than her telling you that you didn’t need to explain it.
9. Don’t be unreliable
Playing “hard-to-get” is one way to make a girl like you, but only in moderation! You don’t have to be available all of the time, but if it is difficult to get hold of you or you don’t show up to events that you said you would, she will probably get sick of you.
10. Don’t be too predictable
The opposite of being unreliable is also best avoided. If you are entirely predictable and a girl always knows what you are about to do or say, you won’t seem exciting. You can prevent this by surprising her every now and then or doing something fun and spontaneous, like taking her to a movie without planning it in advance.
How to make a girl fall for you
There are two main aspects of attraction: the surface-level traits that “hook her in” (such as looking good, smelling good, making her laugh, etc.). Deeper values and personality traits make her want to stick with you for the long-term. We have covered the first aspect, now let’s move onto the second. You got her attention; now it’s time to conquer her heart and make her fall in love with you and become your girlfriend.
1. Be a friend to her
Getting her attracted to you is not the only important thing if you want a relationship with her. Many girls will meet someone and think, “wow, he’s hot,” but lose interest if he turns out to be a total jerk or just no fun to spend time with. If you want a deep and rewarding relationship, make sure that you are a friend as well as a love interest.
2. Be honest
Honesty is usually the best policy. Girls like to know that they can trust their partner. If you lie about things, she is much less likely to invest emotionally in you. It can be tempting to hide your flaws from the girl you like or pretend you have achieved things you haven’t, but this will harm your relationship in the long run.
3. Share secrets with her
Sharing secrets with someone is a special act of trust. Almost any girl will appreciate and be flattered by you telling her things about you that others know. It’s important to only share your own secrets, though—sharing secrets other people have told you can cause many people to lose trust in you.
4. Give her your undivided attention
When you listen to her speak, you should be a good listener. Ensure your body language signals that you are listening, don’t check your phone or get distracted, and make frequent eye contact with her. This will show her that she is important to you.
5. Treat her and make her feel special
Every girl wants to feel like they are special sometimes. If you prioritize her in your life and do things for her that you wouldn’t do for others, she will likely fall for you. There are many ways to make a girl feel special, and they are not all expensive or complicated. From bringing her some sweet treats to having a romantic picnic in the park, the options are limitless!
6. Cook her a meal
A classic way to get a girl to like you a lot is to make her a home-cooked meal. Taking her out to dinner or ordering takeout is also fun (and you should definitely do these too sometimes). Still, nothing shows her how you feel like a meal prepared just for her.
7. Remember important things about her
When she speaks to you, make sure you pay attention. If you remember things that she has told you, she will likely see you as caring and thoughtful. If you are a naturally forgetful person, why not make notes of things she says, such as her favorite snacks and songs. When you bring them up to her in the future, it will really look like you’re invested in her.
8. Keep things exciting
Figuring out how to get a girl to like you is one thing, but if you get lazy and become too predictable, she’s going to get bored of you. A long-term relationship requires constant effort and sharing new experiences with each other. Why not vary your dates to keep things exciting? Invite her somewhere you haven’t been to before or send her a surprise gift.
9. Let her know you appreciate her
Girls like to feel valued. If you want to make a girl fall for you more deeply, let her know how much you value her and love spending time with her. You don’t have to go overboard and declare your love for her in the early stages of dating, but if you enjoyed an evening with her, don’t keep it to yourself!
10. Live a full, well-rounded life
You will always want, regardless of your relationship status, to have a full and exciting life. It is not just you who wants this—she will also want to spend time with someone who has a purpose in life. Living your best life means many things, from looking after your physical and mental health to taking part in exciting activities. A full life is a life that she will likely want to be a part of.
There is no way to get every girl in the world to fall for you, no matter how many positive steps you take. However, practicing these tips will increase your chances of meeting the right person.