how to start a text conversation with a girl

There is no easier way to get the girl’s attention than via text message. However, the first message can make it or break it. You surely don’t want to get ignored, or even worse – blocked by her just because you sent a lame “Whassup?” These tips will take you through the steps on how to start a text conversation with a girl and help you keep it going!

1. Start light

If you scored her number or have her as a friend on social media, it is likely that you already know the girl to a certain extent, but you may not have had a proper, one-on-one conversation with her – especially if you just know her through friends, school, or work. The goal of a text conversation with a girl is to learn more about her and find out what the two of you have in common with each other. However, before you ask personal questions, you will want to kick off the conversation in a more casual way.

There are many tips on how to start a conversation with a girl, but short, open-ended questions on light-hearted topics are usually a good bet. There are plenty of text examples on the internet to take inspiration from, but it might not be best to copy them word-for-word. While some of the sample text conversation starters online are funny and charming, she has likely heard them before, which will not set you apart from the rest of the pack!

Once a few text messages have been exchanged, you can gradually ask more personal questions if she seems comfortable. Controversial or sensitive topics (such as religion) are usually not the best way to start a conversation. Once you have been texting for a longer time and built a connection, more in-depth discussions can bring you closer.

2. Mention a shared interest

One of the best ways to immediately make a connection with someone is by mentioning an interest that you both share. Relationships of all kinds are usually built around things that you have in common.

Movies, music, and food are universal topics for starting a conversation with a girl. Choosing what to talk about over text might be more comfortable on social media platforms than over text or WhatsApp. With Facebook, Instagram, or Snapchat, you can use stories, pictures, and posts as conversation topics. If she posts a photo of a concert, ask her if the band was good and what her favorite song is. If she posts about a movie, ask her what her favorite part was.

Shared social groups, workplaces, or classes are also good topics to start a conversation with but make sure that you transition to a more “fun” topic before too long. Nobody wants to talk about something like work shifts or school assignments for hours on end!

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Take note of how she replies to your text messages – if she gives simple “yes” or “no” answers, or does not reply at all, she may not be interested in the conversation. If she responds in detail, uses a lot of emojis, or tries to ask you questions, these may be signs of interest. Listen to what she is saying, and ask questions. People like talking about themselves and are naturally drawn to those who listen to them with enthusiasm. Open-ended questions (for e.g., “What did you like about the movie?”) offer more potential for conversation than closed questions (for e.g., “Did you like the movie?”), and also help you understand the girl on a deeper level. This kind of conversation can even act as a natural transition towards “deeper” topics such as personal values and outlook on life that can bring the two of you closer to each other.

It is important to remember that texting and messaging create a written record of anything that you send. Even with apps like Snapchat, where messages are intended to be temporary, it is still possible for people to take screenshots or for somebody other than the intended recipient to see a text message or image! Take care when discussing controversial topics, and never say something or send anything that could put you or anybody else in danger or legal trouble if it were to fall into the wrong hands.

Relationships of all kinds are usually built around things that you have in common. Click To Tweet

3. Don’t reply too quickly – or too slowly!

Timing is essential when learning how to start a text conversation with a girl. If you reply too quickly to a text message, it can give the impression that you don’t have anything else going on in your life, which is probably not what you want. Texting back too quickly can also make the girl feel under pressure to reply just as fast even if it is not convenient for them – you don’t want your messages to become a source of stress, or come with an obligation.

At the other extreme, replying too slowly is also likely to frustrate or even offend the girl. While a lot of dating advice emphasizes playing “hard-to-get” instead of seeming needy, this can be taken too far. If it takes you several hours or days to reply to each text, you risk coming across as uninterested or rude – not to mention, the conversation will probably naturally die down, and the girl might move on to something – or someone – else.

The ideal frequency of messages will vary depending on the girl’s sociability level and what else she has going on in her life. If you are in doubt, the general rule is to match the girl’s frequency of text messages and time to reply – a good conversation means that you both put in equal effort. If a girl is texting back very quickly, she may be interested in you, so make sure that you answer back without much of a delay.

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Don’t stay stuck on a particular topic if the energy of the conversation dips – she might not want to discuss that topic. If she stops responding to your text messages or responds with less enthusiasm, it might be best to change the subject. When the girl changes the topic herself, it is usually best to go along with it.

If she hasn’t replied to a text, don’t panic or blame yourself – there could be any number of reasons for the lack of response. Wait a while, and if there is still no response, you can try the next day with a new topic of conversation – this happens frequently and is often because the girl is busy!

However, if you consistently don’t receive replies, it may be the case that she is not interested in continuing the conversation with you. In this case, you should reduce the frequency or even stop messaging altogether. If she likes you, she will probably get back in touch when she is ready, and if she isn’t interested, this will become apparent. If a girl asks you to stop texting them, you should always end the conversation to avoid her feeling harassed – besides, there are plenty more fish in the sea!

4. Show a balanced personality

Just like with the timing of texts, your tone and style of conversation should also be balanced.

Talking exclusively about “safe” topics, like school or work, and avoiding sharing any of your opinions may seem like the option least likely to offend. While this is often true, you risk becoming seen as predictable and lacking in excitement. Many people, especially men, will go to the other extreme to avoid this – acting uninterested, bragging, or even being deliberately rude. Despite what online pick-up artists might say, the extreme “bad boy” persona will not endear you to most people either!

You should display a balance of positive traits in your text messages. You can be kind and caring without being predictable, and you can be confident and exciting without being arrogant or unreliable. This isn’t always easy but should be kept in mind. A good way is to use humor – balancing serious topics with jokes can break the ice and show that you are fun to be around.

Gentle teasing can also take the conversation in a flirtatious direction, but make sure to avoid taking things too far or hinting at inappropriate topics. If in doubt, increase the level of teasing gradually and follow the girl’s cues. If she doesn’t engage, take a step back, and if she responds with teasing you, this is often a sign of interest.

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The balance of listening vs. talking should ideally be as equal as possible. No girl wants to chat with somebody who only talks about themselves, but neither do they want to speak to someone who will only ask a series of questions! A great way to make sure that conversation is balanced is to keep the number and length of texts similar between the two of you.

5. Take the next step

Texting can and should be fun, but your eventual goal is to ask her on a date. Texting for months on end without a meeting will usually fail to maintain a relationship, and interest will naturally die down.

You can base your date ideas on your previous conversations. If the girl mentioned a restaurant she likes, why not ask her to go with you?

If you are unable to meet physically for a while, phone calls, video calls, and other activities such as online games or streaming movies or TV can be an excellent next step after texting.

Texting can and should be fun, but your eventual goal is to ask her on a date. Click To Tweet

6. Maintain effort in future conversations

So things have gone well, and you have learned how to start a text conversation with a girl. It has led to a regular exchange of text messages with her – what now? What comes next will be dependent on the girl. Take note of which topics she has responded well to so far.

If you’re stuck, a text message that most girls will enjoy receiving if they like you is a simple “Good morning” or “Good night” that shows you are thinking of her. To keep conversation with a girl going, make sure that you are making an effort while texting to her.

7. Don’t take things too seriously

Easier said than done, I know! If you find yourself becoming anxious or stressed about your conversations, it might be best to step back and look at things from a different perspective. Texting is meant to be fun – not treated like a job interview or a sales pitch! Focusing on your other hobbies, interests, and friendships, as well as dating, is vital for your well-being and will make it more likely that people will be interested in dating you!

Being respectful, fun, flexible with conversations, and following her cues are the most important things to remember when learning how to start a text conversation with a girl. So go ahead and text your crush now!

Andy is a storyteller who loves good books and good jokes. In the rare moments he isn't writing, you can find him jogging in the park or perfecting barbeque ribs.

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