how to text a guy first without sounding desperate

How to text a guy first without sounding desperate? Big question! We all want to play it cool and look as though we totally don’t need a guy in our life. If he wants to text us? Bring it on! But we’re not going to text him first. If we do, it makes us look desperate and needy, and it hands all the power over to him. Not cool.

When he texts first, it’s great because we can reply when we want and seem really mysterious, clearly, we’ve got so much going on in our life. But what happens when he doesn’t text first? What happens when it’s nearly 9 pm and he still hasn’t texted? Is he ever going to text? Has he found someone else? Is he bored? Panic sets in and we do that dreaded thing we swore we’d never do – we text first.

This isn’t necessarily a problem per se. Contrary to popular belief, there’s no real rule regarding who should text first. And in fact, guys like it when a girl texts first. However, there’s a way to do it and a way not to do it. If you get this wrong, you could come across as desperate and that could put him off you. Let’s take a look at what to text a guy to start a conversation.

Send him a fun picture

You’re out and about, having fun, catching some sun, eating some great food, and you feel like sharing this with him. Sending him a fun picture works because it’s not as though you’re sitting at home with nothing to do but waiting for him to text you; you’re doing interesting stuff and living your life without him! And instead of texting him to say, “Hey, just eating some food, what you up to?” you’re going to send him a pic instead.

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You don’t even need to caption it, although it’s even better if you do. All you have to do is go somewhere interesting, or eat or drink something out of the ordinary, and send him a photo. Go for a pic that documents your day and shows him that you’re keeping busy. And, no, you shouldn’t do something crazy like fly to Barcelona just to send him a pic. Now, that’s desperate.

Ask him an open or a provocative question

This one is a bit tricky because asking a question can make you seem a bit desperate if it’s the wrong kind of question. It can look like you’re asking a question just to get guy’s attention (which you are, of course). Put some thought into it and make it sound intriguing or provocative.

The best kind of questions are the fun, light-hearted ones that leave him room to engage in a conversation or even better – to ask you out. Like this: “MASSIVE dilemma: go to the gym, or sit here and chill? What shall it be?”

You can also ask him for his advice on something. For example, let’s say he is a computer wizard and you need a new laptop. Ask him which laptop he recommends for your needs and budget. Let him explain to you the best buys for your buck. Guys love to feel helpful, and if you really are in need of a new laptop you won’t look desperate at all when you send him a photo holding your new purchase.

The best kind of questions are the fun, light-hearted ones that leave him room to engage in a conversation or even better - to ask you out. Click To Tweet
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Continue the conversation from last time

How to text a guy first without sounding desperate? Perhaps the easiest thing to do is to refer back to the last conversation you had. This is a bit harder to do if you guys have already texted and it’s a new day and he fell asleep on you last night and still hasn’t got back to your last text. Bringing up that conversation again will make you sound desperate, so it’s best avoided in that situation. But if he had the last word? You can totally go back to the last conversation and kickstart it again.

And if you guys haven’t texted at all yet, you can definitely get things started by referring to the conversation you had face to face – for example, the night you met. If he responds to it and the conversation picks up, it will be a sign that he is interested in you.

Don’t overdo it with follow-up texts

In the morning, do what you’ve gotta do; get ready for work, do your housework, sit and watch the news with a cup of coffee. Continue being busy in the afternoon. You never know, he might text first – you’ve gotta give him a chance. Then, if he still hasn’t texted by the evening, go for it. Send him that pic, a flirty text message that will make him smile or tell him you had fun when you saw him.

What if you texted him first and now you’re left with an even graver situation: he hasn’t texted back. It’s been an hour since you texted him and you literally can’t take this anymore. So you send a follow-up text. This is a no-no and can easily make you look desperate. Whatever you send him, refrain from wheeling out the follow-up text. If he’s not replying? Take it easy and just get on with your day. Be happy that you found a guy with a life. It’s actually a good sign that he is too busy sometimes to instantly text you back. He’s probably doing something productive, or fun which makes him a good potential partner. The last thing you want is a guy who is going to make you feel suffocated. If he’s into you, he will get back to you. If he’s not sure about you? A follow-up text won’t help.

Claudia is the creator of Text Weapon, and the author of French Seduction Made Easy. She is passionate about modern communication and loves helping people improve their relationships through flirty texting. To read more by Claudia, visit Text Weapon. Don't forget to signup for the free Texting Club trial with over 300 messages. You can also hit her up on Twitter.

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