I can write a list about all of the things about being single that make us feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with us. The dinner parties where you are on your own. The nights out with all of your couple friends. The family functions where you are put on the kids table or interrogated about your relationship status by Aunty Mary (name changed for security reasons) because this is the third year in a row that you don’t have a plus one. Every form that we fill out, that asks us for our current relationship status. Now getting single shamed by a piece of paper is a new one, even for me. Just when you think you are safe someone will make a comment that has an ability to make you feel like there is something wrong with your current “predicament”.

Being single can be hard, true, but then there is also the judgement that people can pass at you. They look at you with their pity eyes and make comments like “your time will come soon”. Well I am looking at my watch, and all I can tell is that I am running late as usual. My relationship status is not the same as a train timetable. It is not like watching your phone to see how long until your Uber arrives. It actually has nothing to do with time at all. My relationship status is the combination of a series of unfortunate decisions to fall in love with douchebags and the choice to do whatever I like with my life. In a nutshell.

We are single, not dying

There is a lot of pressure placed on women to have it all. If you are in your thirties and without a child or partner, then surely there is something wrong with you. The older you get, the more you strike fear in the eyes of others because you haven’t done what your uterus was put here to do, and that was to meet a partner and reproduce. So if I haven’t done what my uterus was designed to do, does this mean I have failed as a women? No it does not. Yet single women everywhere are pooled into different categories. You are either the driven career women, the desperado, the crazy cat lady, spinster, and so on. I can’t believe someone would even try to insult my relationship status by bringing cats into the equation, like having cats and being single is a bad thing! Well it isn’t, and the truth is I feel like single women are put into these boxes because it makes it easier for everyone else to understand. Newsflash society, you don’t need to have to understand why I am single.

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We are not a riddle

Relationship statutes cannot be solved by an equation. Being single isn’t a problem that needs to be solved. Single women are single for a variety of reasons that cannot be defined by whatever box you want to place us in. If I am ambitious and excel in my career, it doesn’t mean that I am choosing my work over a relationship. We do sometimes struggle with feelings like never being good enough or never finding that big love. The last thing we need is for you to make us feel that way too. Even the most confident of women still have moments where they feel their worth as low as a bank account after a spot of retail therapy. We are not here to be placed into any type of box, unless you are shipping us in said box to a five star, luxury, all-inclusive resort free of charge, then I may consider it.

Single and not panicking either

It gets even better when you reach a certain age and everyone around you has settled down. Your idea of settling is not drinking happy hour Margaritas on a Monday night. Every girl approaching this stage of life who is single will encounter some judgemental person who believes that you are crying yourself to sleep at night. Crying and wondering why you are still single. Truth is I sleep just fine and when I don’t, it has nothing to do with my relationship status. I actually have bigger things that worry me. Like my career, passions, friends, family, cat collection, and what I am wearing tomorrow. There is nothing in my brain that tells me I should be concerned or worried about being single. The only time that this may happen, and I use the term ‘may’ loosely, is about three days before I get my period, where I slip into a pseudo depression because the hormones raging through my body make me hostile and emotional.

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I am not staring out of my window longing for a knight in overpriced denim and an oversized t-shirt to come to my rescue. Single girls do not need to be rescued. I am quite capable of doing anything on my own and if I require some form of masculine assistance I will call a contractor. Everything can be solved with money, my own money, which I earned. Do I looked panicked? No, and I try to avoid it because it ages your skin prematurely. So instead I will just insert fierce Beyoncé face here.

We love us, you should too

You know what is worse than being single? Being in a relationship just to make everyone else feel better. Truth is we don’t actually give a F%^K why you think we are single. We are not craving a relationship because we actually love our lives the way they are. The freedom, the fun, and living. Our weekends aren’t spent trying to juggle two social calendars and shopping for his and her towels. We know that this sounds nice in theory, but we would rather wait until it feels right, with the right person, who is worthy of us. There is a sense of knowing that the grass is not always greener on the other side. We listen to those of you complain about your respective partners and then blissfully go home to where we take off our pants and drink milk from the carton. We get to hog the bed and the blankets without feeling any guilt.

I often feel like we need to convince those of you who are concerned about our single status that I actually am happy. Maybe there is an idea there that a relationship would just elevate my happiness but honestly the only thing that could elevate my happiness right now is a never ending bank account. If I could jump up and down to tell you that I love me and my life then I would but I am wearing heels today and I don’t want to risk an injury. Just take my word for it, and our word for it, single girls everywhere. We love us. You should love us too, just the way we are. SINGLE.

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I wish single women could flip the bird to anyone who single shames us but instead we are trained to smile, and politely attempt to explain why we are single. Even though we have no idea why because we happen to think we are awesome. Slightly neurotic at times, but awesome nonetheless. We mostly embrace our relationship status and most of the time when people look at us with pity like we are missing out, they have no idea that we are actually for the most part, living our lives fully. I would be lying if I said that we do not have our moments where we doubt the process or feel lonely. By no means are we looking for our future husband on every street corner or inner city bar. My face doesn’t scream panic, it does scream lack of sleep from a Netflix binge and a refusal to remove my makeup properly though. Our chances at being married off aren’t depreciating at the same rate as a character from Jane Austen novel, in fact we aren’t even worried about our value. We know our value and we just happen to love who we are, and you should too. Crazy cat collection and all.


Ashleigh is a writer, blogger, poet and completely knee-deep in the dating world. She likes to talk about love and relationships because those who can't do, write about it from the comfort of their own home whilst wondering if peanut butter and wine are a nutritious dinner.

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