Meeting Mister Right would be awesome, but if you do not meet him immediately, settling for ‘Mister Right Now’ might seem like a better alternative than being single. But it is really okay to settle? This is a question that you should ask yourself. Is it really acceptable to date someone when you know that your heart is not really into that guy? Is it a waste of time to enter into a partnership with someone who you know you are not compatible with simply because you do not want to be without a partner? The answer is different for everyone, but here are some reasons why the fill in boyfriend might be holding you back from finding your ideal partner.
You stop looking for Mister Right
When you decided to give Mister Wrong a chance because you said to yourself that you can always date him while looking for someone else at the same time, you are setting yourself up for disaster. Mister Wrong will distract you and you will be more focused on living day to day with him instead of looking for your ideal mate. Think about it this way; when you dislike your job, sometimes you stay in that job because you do not feel like looking for a different option. Even though you know that you are not happy in your job, you have settled into a comfortable routine with it, and you know what to expect from your work.
It is highly possible that the more time you spend with Mister Wrong, the more likely you will forget about your plans to eventually search for Mister Right. Instead of trying to be in a more suitable relationship, you will settle for the fill in boyfriend. Is that really what you want? Of course, it is not ideal, but you might be resistant to ending your relationship with the fill in boyfriend because you have invested so much into the relationship and you don’t want to lose out on your emotional investment.
He wants different things
In addition to distracting you from going after what you truly desire, the fill in boyfriend will often try to persuade you to do things his way. Years ago, I dated a man who was clearly not a proper match for me. I objected to a lot of things about him; he was, in my opinion, too old for me, he didn’t share my values about education, and he was very bossy and unreasonable to deal with. I knew that he was all wrong for me, and yet, I stayed with him for about a year.
Looking back, I realize that Mister Wrong wanted different things than what I wanted, and that is one of the main reasons why things did not work out between us. We were completely mismatched on paper and in person. That is pretty much who the fill in boyfriend is; someone who is there to pass the time with while you hope and wait that the right man who wants what you want will ride towards you on his white steed and carry you far away into your dream fairytale life together. The time you spend disagreeing with the fill in boyfriend is the time that could be much better spent searching for the true love boyfriend. Think about that.
He may react badly
Everyone wants to be the chosen one in their relationships. Not many people are excited at the thought that they could be playing the understudy or standby role in their partner’s life. Most people want a leading co-star role in their relationships. I have never met anyone who was happy being the rebound choice. Your fill in boyfriend might be fine with being the understudy in your life if you are the fill in girlfriend in his life. As long as you two have an understanding, being each other’s fill ins could be good for both of you.
However, it is more likely that your fill in boyfriend wants a more permanent role in your life. Some women keep it to themselves that they are doing a ‘wait and see’ trial period with their boyfriends to decide whether or not the relationship is worth continuing with for long term. One of my friends told me that she is pretty much giving her relationship with her boyfriend the wait and see approach, but she has not shared that information with him because she wants to see how he behaves if he thinks that the relationship is permanent. There is nothing wrong with doing trial periods with your boyfriend, but he might get very angry and emotional when he realizes that you do not see him as a permanent fixture in your life. Do you really want to deal with addressing his emotional outbursts and pleas to give the relationship a fair chance when you know in your heart that the guy is not the one? Probably not.
Let’s face it; you know that your fill in boyfriend has a limited role in your life and your happiness. The longer that you stay with him, the harder it will be to have that necessary discussion when you let him know that you want another man to co-star in your love life with you. Overwhelmed with feelings of betrayal and rejection, your fill in boyfriend could hurt your feelings, or even worse – react violently.
Being in a relationship with the wrong person is not what anyone wants. Why prolong the situation by making the fill in boyfriend feel like he has a fair shot with you when you know in your heart that there is no chance? Make a clean break and focus on doing what you feel in your heart is the right thing. You know that your fill in boyfriend is not the right person, and the best thing you can do is to free yourself from the situation and do some soul-searching.
While you have no control over another person’s reactions, you can do the right thing by not leading on Mister Wrong. The sooner that the two of you acknowledge the truth about your relationship, the more peaceful you will feel about the situation. Remember that the fill in boyfriend has feelings too, and while he might not be the person for you, he is the right person for someone else, so do yourself and him a favor and let him go.