how to deal with jealousy in relationships

Jealousy in relationships is probably one of the main reasons why couples break up. I will admit that it is one of the biggest and only problems me and my boyfriend have had to face for the past 8 months we have been together. That is definitely my fault – I’m the overly jealous girlfriend who gets annoyed even if he talks to another girl. It has definitely put a strain on my relationship, especially within the recent few weeks.

But I am trying to sort out this problem and I am going to share my insights and tips with you on how I am combating jealousy within a relationship.

1. Figure out if you trust your partner

The main reason for jealousy in relationships is the lack of trust. You need to think about whether or not you actually trust your partner. If you don’t, then end the relationship right away. You can’t be with someone you don’t trust. But if you feel like you can trust them, then you need to figure what really is going on.

Is it because of your bad experiences? I know my issue of jealousy is arising from the past. My ex was constantly texting, hanging out with and flirting with other girls while with me and expected me to be okay with it. So that leaves me being extremely paranoid that the same will happen in this relationship. Not because I can’t trust my current boyfriend, but because it’s all I’ve ever experienced with relationships. But I’ve realised, over the past months, that not every male is like my ex and so my current boyfriend isn’t likely to hurt me in the same way.

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The main reason for jealousy in relationships is the lack of trust. Click To Tweet

2. Let them be friends with other people

I know many people who don’t like their partner having friends of the opposite sex (or of the same sex, in some cases), me included. I don’t know what it is, but for some reason I don’t seem to have a problem with my boyfriend’s male friends (well if I do then that’s a different issue) but I hate it when I know he’s hanging out with his female friends. Maybe it’s because I feel threatened by them.

His female friends are admittedly quite attractive, much more so than I am, and so it leaves me wondering – “why will he stay with me if he’s surrounded by these attractive women?”. But that’s the thing. If he really wanted these other girls, then he would be with them. He wouldn’t be with me. But he is with me, which is why I’m trying to be less jealous with him spending time with female friends.

3. Control your destructive behaviour

Obviously some jealousy in a relationship shows just how much you care and can actually be quite rewarding. But when it becomes intense jealousy, then it can destroy your relationship. It could actually lead to your partner wanting to cheat on you, if that’s what you keep accusing them of. They will feel like you’re punishing them for it, so why not do it? You risk losing your partner for good if you let your unnecessary jealousy get in the way. Is that what you really want?

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You risk losing your partner for good if you let your unnecessary jealousy get in the way. Is that what you really want? Click To Tweet

4. Confess your worries

Sometimes intense jealousy is caused through anxiety (such as in the case of the jealousy in my relationship) and so the easiest way to try and deal with this is to just be open and honest. The paranoid feelings about everything really can get to you sometimes, so if you tell your partner about what you’re thinking (and maybe even why), they may be able to help – they should be able to reassure you that your jealousy is nothing to worry about and may be able to give you promises or other signs to prove to you that you have nothing to worry about.

Honesty has always been really helpful in my relationship and this tip has to be the one I’d recommend above any others. I’ve found that if you keep things to yourself, the worse the outcome will be if you finally explode. I know I can tell my boyfriend whatever is on my mind and he will listen and help us try to find a solution.

5. Seek out support from your friends

I know some people say that involving your friends in a relationship isn’t always the best thing to do. But I’ve always found that talking to my best friend about my problems with jealousy has definitely helped me out a lot. Sometimes (and I will admit I’m probably wrong to do so) I’ll talk to her about my concerns before I mention them to my boyfriend. I know I get very paranoid very easily about things and my best friend points this out to me a lot whenever I text her about that week’s problem, so sometimes she persuades me to not mention anything to my boyfriend as I may end up causing an argument over nothing. Which is the last thing you want.

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When I say “mention things to your friends”, I don’t mean get them involved in every aspect of your relationship. Because that is when it can ruin your relationship. I once had a friend who became too involved in my current relationship (her choice, not mine) and I now have basically cut off all contact with her because she was making things even worse than they already are. Use a friend as a point of relationship advice but nothing more than that. If you think something is going on that you need to be jealous about but you’re not sure, ask your friend if you’re being rational before you talk to your partner about it, but only let them get as involved as that. At least then you know you have someone to talk to about what’s going on in your mind without possibly causing unwanted and unnecessary arguments with your partner.

Sometimes there is no way to combat your jealousy and some relationships do end up being ruined, but you can at least try to do something about it. It’s working for me and my boyfriend so far. We had a very long talk about why I get jealous and what it is about my jealous actions that he hates the most and we’re both working on ways to improve things. We are not just going to throw away our relationship because of a problem we can try our best to avoid.

Lauren is an A-Level student from Nottingham. As well as writing and publishing poetry, Lauren spends her time managing her fashion and beauty blog and studying at college. Lauren hopes to study English at the University of Brighton in the future.

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