why do women cheat

Cheating in relationships is as common as relationships themselves, yet the reasons why people chose to be unfaithful to their partners are as individualistic as snowflakes. With that being said how can any of us trust our spouses will honor the monogamous relationship we’ve established? One cheating ex-offender shared with me the main reasons why she cheated on her spouse that may help to answer the question ‘Why do women cheat in relationships?’

For privacy purposes, I will refer to my source as Jane and share her story of past infidelity from beginning to end. Probably you won’t like her answers as to why she did what she did but maybe something she says will resonate with temptations you may have had at one point but chose to deny. And if you’ve been cheated on hopefully this will give you more insight as to why that person may have done what they did and more than likely it had less to do with you and more with them which should be reassuring.

They love the “high” of telling a lie

Let’s fast forward through Jane’s story to the point of meeting the man she would eventually cheat with. She met her coconspirator online, and initially their friendship was an innocent one. Both were aware that the other was in a committed relationship and neither intended to cheat on their partners, so they felt it was safe to vent to one another about minor issues they were having within their relationships from time to time as friends normally do. Although everyone knows this is not a good idea, we do it anyway because it makes us feel good and we tell ourselves we’ll have the willpower to keep anything inappropriate from happening.

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She knew she was flirting with danger and truthfully she enjoyed that, the idea that something “bad” could happen with someone new. Eventually, messages being exchanged gradually became sexual, and the thrill of having secret communications with this man provided another high she hadn’t felt in quite a while according to her. The need to secretly indulge in behaviors we know others would disapprove of is something we can all relate to from childhood, even into adulthood, so it wasn’t as if her feelings were any more unique to one’s non-cheaters have. The difference is she chose to entertain those feelings rather than fight them.

They make conscious decisions to cheat

The details as to how or where they’re physical relationship began aren’t important, so I’ll gloss over those and get to the reasons she gave as to why she cheated. Unlike most that chose to be unfaithful, she didn’t use her unhappiness with her spouse as an excuse to explain why she cheated. And she also wanted me to reiterate the fact that having an affair is a choice and not something that “just happens” as other like to claim as well. She said she knew what she was doing was wrong before it ever even happened but she didn’t care at the time.

Jane explained that it wasn’t that she wanted to hurt her partner or the man’s girlfriend either, she simply desired to be selfish, so she went for what she wanted, consequences be damned. After sleeping with this man guilt eventually settled in and she told herself she wouldn’t cheat again, but she had sex with him a number of times afterward until they finally called it quits.

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They are complicated creatures

To this day neither her boyfriend or the man’s spouse knows they fooled around with one another, as they chose to end things when emotions became involved. That sounds crazy, doesn’t it? They were concerned about their spouses enough that they didn’t wish to leave them or hurt them by telling them of the affair but didn’t care enough not to step out in the first place.

Setting judgment aside the point behind this story would be that sometimes we cheat on our spouses for reasons not as complicated as we’d like to think. I’m still trying to figure out if that makes the cheating even worse, that it was a pointless act beyond physical lust that was purely self-serving. Jane, like many others, cheated because she wanted to, she created scenarios which provided her opportunities to do so, and it made her happy at the time. She’s since sworn she won’t do it again but who knows if that’s true.

They usually keep quiet about affairs

As a relationship and sexual health advisor, I would surmise that Jane’s relationship lacked communication, accountability on her part and that she should assess if she’s really happy staying in that relationship. I don’t believe it would do any good to tell her partner of her infidelity since the affair has stopped, she’s no longer in contact with the man, and she’s vowed not to cheat again. Revealing the betrayal now would do more harm than good, and that would be doubly devastating for her partner, knowing that she cheated long ago and kept that secret for so long.

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The truth is none of us can completely trust our spouses to honour the monogamous relationships we’ve committed to having with one another as we are humans that sometimes make bad decisions by choice. That fact certainly does not excuse her actions or the actions of someone who may have cheated on you, but hopefully, this admission is easier to swallow.

If you’ve cheated on a spouse before I’m sure there could have been underlying issues in your relationship that played a factor as to why you strayed beyond the commit you made, but if you’re truly honest with yourself, you’ll admit that you acted selfishly as well by choice. To tell yourself otherwise would be lying to yourself and will more than likely lead you to act out again. If you were the victim of infidelity, take comfort in knowing that the reasons for your spouse doing what they did probably have very little to do with you. And you are more informed should an affair happen again, and you decide to call it quits next time.

Amanda is a professional adult novelties reviewer of the latest sex toys to hit the market who is dedicated to openly discussing the realities of sex & kink. She plans to continue in her career as a sex-positive blogger, vlogger, and advocate.

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