When you find someone who understands you, makes you laugh, and makes you happy, amongst other things, you do not want to let them go. But what if you fell in love with a man already taken?
You never wanted to end up as a side chick, yet here you are.
Even if the guy is transparent about his relationship with the other woman, the idea of him leaving his girlfriend or his wife to be with you has probably crossed your mind. But can a man fall in love with his side chick?
What is a side chick?
The term “side chick” refers to a woman involved in a romantic relationship with a man who is already with someone else (the “main chick”). The unofficial girl is usually hidden from the public eye by the guy she has an entanglement with because her existence is not appreciated.
Even if side chick status is glorified in rap music and other media, a side chick is perceived as a homewrecker and a person without morals. She gets a bad reputation due to her choice to stay with a man already in a long-term relationship.
Why do men have side chicks?
The side chick is often blamed for entering an existing relationship. However, the factors and motives that lead a man to invite another woman into his life are rarely questioned.
So why do men choose to have a side chick? Not even highly trained relationship coaches have all the answers, but here are some common reasons.
When they encounter trouble in their relationship, some men want to know if the grass is greener elsewhere. They get with another woman whom they see regularly. She becomes their casual lover and receives the status of a side chick.
This way, a man tastes what life could be like with someone else without leaving his partner. Men believe their side chicks bring something new to their existence that their main chick was not giving them anymore. It can be love, support, sex life, fun, or emotional connection.
Nevertheless, this behavior doesn’t necessarily mean they ran out of love for their partner. They were looking for a thrill with a new girl, and they started to appreciate spending time with both ladies.
Some guys got a habit of cheating on their women. Those who enjoy seducing other women and seeing if they can make them their own are called players. They do not get attached nor develop genuine feelings for their partners.
Some men aim to satisfy their narcissistic and sexual needs and have women around to flatter their egos. It’s not about catching feelings for the side chick; it’s about catching prey. In this case, they will cheat even on their side chick, as they always want more.
Fear of commitment
Some men cannot remain in a monogamous relationship because they fear commitment. Having a side chick is the loophole to ensure their relationship doesn’t get “too serious.” The lack of confidence in being exclusive in a relationship pushes him to keep a girl on the side.
Sometimes, a man is attached to a woman after a fling or gets close to her emotionally. Men like that are torn between staying loyal to the person they have started to build a life with and pursuing a relationship with this new woman.
Can a man fall in love with his side chick?
There are probably a couple of big questions in your head if you’re in a side-chick relationship. You might be wondering, “Do guys miss their side chicks?” And “Can they fall in love with them?”
Even though men tend not to show their emotions as openly as women, they can fall in love with their side chick. However, even if he confesses he loves you deeply, that doesn’t mean you’ll necessarily get to be with him in the end.
When a man gets caught cheating, he is more likely to beg for his wife’s or girlfriend’s forgiveness than accept the breakup and leave with his side chick. Besides, if he happens to split with his partner because of his infidelity, he might not want to stay with the girl who “destroyed” what he took so long to build with his woman.
If you have been involved in this type of situation for several months, the chances are that the man you fell in love with will never leave his wife or girlfriend for you. If he had any intention to, he would have given up on his partner a long time ago — in other words, after a few dates with you.
When a man decides to have another girl around, he has a clear definition of a side chick in his mind. He plans to experience other things with her without leaving his girlfriend.
He sure wants both ladies in his life, but one is always more important than the other. There’s rarely room for a second person in a man’s relationship.
If this man’s heart belongs to someone else, there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. He will not fall in love with you, even if you seem to spend his happiest times together.
10 signs he’s in love with his side chic
So, you’ve managed to get intimate with a man already in a relationship. You might wonder if a man can develop feelings for his side chick. You may even ask yourself, “Can a man love his side chick more than his wife or girlfriend?”
It’s possible that a man loves more than one person at a time. Here are some obvious signs he loves his side chick.
1. He no longer tries to hide you
Men seeing multiple women simultaneously generally try to keep the side chick a secret. If you suddenly find he’s no longer scared of his wife or girlfriend finding out about you, it’s a clear sign he’s developing feelings for you.
You may think it’s great that he can feel secure with you like that. But this behavior is blatantly against the side chick code of conduct.
You’re at risk of getting into an enormously difficult, drama-filled situation if the guy no longer cares about hiding you. Remember, you can count the occasions when the side chick becomes the wife with one hand’s fingers.
2. He’s no longer interested in his usual activities
Perhaps the man has started losing interest in his usual hobbies or free-time activities. Instead, he now spends time on other interests — and funnily enough, you are interested in the same things.
Such a drastic change is a sure sign that love may be in the air. When faced with two women with differing interests, the guy’s choice of activities says a lot about his feelings.
3. He begins to spend money on you
When men fall in love, they want to provide for their babe. If the guy spends more on gifts and having quality time with you, you can be pretty sure you’re that “babe.”
But you probably know from personal experience that big expenses are difficult to cover up. If the man is beginning to spend a lot of money on you, the clock is probably ticking down until your fling is discovered.
4. He helps you when you are down or in trouble
Is he always there when you’re upset or trying to go the extra mile for you all the time with even the smallest things? Then you’ve probably triggered his “hero instinct.”
In a relationship, hero instinct refers to men’s innate desire to help a woman they care about. So, if your guy is ready to drop everything — including spending time with his main woman — to be genuinely helpful to you, you’re getting a glimpse of his true feelings.
5. He gets jealous about you talking to other guys
Does he get angry, sad, or upset when he hears you’ve done anything that could hint at having other relationships? When a man gets jealous, there’s probably more between you than simple sexual desire.
The brutal truth is that this isn’t a great sign. Think about it for a few minutes — the man is dating more than one woman but wants to keep you all for himself.
6. He starts sharing secrets with you
People usually keep certain things within a relationship or marriage. So why is the guy telling you intimate or confidential details about his life or the main chick?
When a man begins to share his secrets, he’s undoubtedly started falling in love with his side chick. It indicates he trusts you to keep his secrets, perhaps even more than his wife or girlfriend and wants to offer you a unique insight into his life.
7. He begins to prioritize you
Remember how you had to fight tooth and nail for his attention when you became his side girl? But now he’s at your beck and call, even if he’s tired or supposed to attend important events with his loved ones.
When he starts being more emotionally present with you than his actual girlfriend, it’s obvious you have more than a physical connection. Just be aware that when a man stops paying attention to his main lover, she will likely start asking many uncomfortable questions.
8. He starts making plans for a future with you
If a guy makes plans with his side girl beyond meeting for a date next week, he’s falling in love with the side chick. After all, planning a future goes beyond the entire concept of a side chick.
If you’d like to move from a side chick to a wife-in-waiting, then this is a point you want to reach. However, you should also start planning for a lot of drama in the future.
9. He stops wearing his wedding ring
Being a side chick to a married man comes with a constant reminder of his other relationships — the wedding ring. When a married man removes his wedding ring, it can signify he is developing feelings for you.
This is just what you’ve been waiting for. He’s willing to throw the other woman away and make you his number-one priority in the whole world.
It might seem like a fairy tale. But if he does end his main relationship, you’ll soon realize what enemies hurt main chicks can be.
5 reasons you should end a side chick relationship
Is being a side chick bad? The short answer is “yes.”
When applying to a side chick position, you must remember that you might never get a promotion. And even if you do, somebody else is going to get hurt.
If you still have doubts about it, here are five reasons you should stay away from a side chick relationship.
1. You are being used
If the guy you met desires a temporary thrill, he must be going through a tough patch and needs a distraction from his dull, ordinary, or troubled life. This need can arise due to his age, mental health state, or the issues he faces in his relationship.
A side chick makes his existence seem more exciting and less miserable. He uses you to make himself feel better about his committed relationship, identity, or whatever he is going through.
Once a man fixes his relationship problems, he will naturally go back to his wife or girlfriend and leave you, his side chick, behind.
“But he wants me to be his side chick,” you say? Yes — for the time being. He is treating you like something he has at his disposal.
He calls or texts you when he wants; he puts limitations on where you can go and what you can do together. He manipulates your heart, body, and mind to his liking by taking advantage of everything you offer — love, affection, understanding, fun, and sex.
This man also disregards your feelings and emotions by forcing you to remain silent about your entanglement, and when he does not need you anymore, he will not be saddened to dump you. He might have already set an expiration date on this affair, and the more you ask to be considered his girlfriend, the closer the relationship will end.
2. You will not become his girlfriend
When you met him, the guy was in a relationship with his long-term partner. When you started dating him, he still was with her. If he has not left his partner yet, he will likely never do it.
You have seen each other for a while, you may consider him your boyfriend, and he probably likes you. However, he has not developed feelings that would make him seal the deal with you.
Regardless of the affection that he shows to you, he will always have genuine feelings for his partner — and especially his kids if he has them. The side chick relationship might indicate that the committed couple is going through hardships, but most likely, it is not a sign that he wants to leave his wife or girlfriend.
Even though they say actions speak louder than words, he must have a deep love for his partner rooted in his heart. His mind and body might make him want to reject having an exclusive partner, but when a man loves a woman, it is almost impossible to make him fall in love with someone else.
Men are more likely to separate their emotions from their actions, so the fact that he sees you regularly does not mean he is in love with you, nor is he contemplating giving up on his significant other. Most emotionally mature men with a side chick create rules for themselves that include not catching feelings for the other girl and staying with their woman.
Of course, a man who has an affair enjoys the thrill of it, but he is also careful about it. If a guy puts so much effort into hiding from his girlfriend that he is unfaithful, he somewhat cares about her and does not intend to break up. He does not want to lose his lady. He gives you so little space in his heart and schedule.
A guy might not expect his side chick to become the one and only woman in his life, as he probably set the tone when you both agreed to keep this relationship private. Therefore, it will be hard for you to renegotiate the terms of this contract.
3. You deserve better
Being a side chick is one of the most difficult love situations with multiple disadvantages. For instance, you must keep the relationship secret because he cannot be seen with the woman with whom he is cheating on his girlfriend or wife.
You cannot meet with him when you want, where you want, nor talk about him with your friends as no one should know about your situation. You are missing dates, outings, events, and family reunions. You cannot meet his parents, and he cannot meet yours since your existence as a couple is illicit. This secret must be a big burden to bear.
Don’t you wish you could invite your boyfriend to a party with your friends? Wouldn’t it be cool to post pictures of him on social platforms?
You deserve to have a gentleman by your side who will not be ashamed to introduce you to everybody and take you to beautiful places to make you happy.
Every woman should be with a man who treats her with kindness and respect and is loyal and committed to her, not somebody who juggles two women.
4. You are closing the door to the right man
How much time, love, and energy have you spent on this man who refuses to make you his better half? Stop neglecting yourself, and stop ignoring your needs when it comes to love, especially if the man you fell for is unwilling to do the same for you.
Do not forget that reciprocity is an important matter. You should not be the only one trying to build a relationship. This is a job for two.
Besides, while you are killing yourself to make this relationship work, someone else is waiting for you to show up.
There are nearly seven billion people on Earth. Do you think the only way to find love is to share a guy with somebody else?
There is someone special and passionate for you somewhere. You need to find him.
And guess what? This man will be everything you asked for, available and ready to commit to you. He will be gentle, thoughtful, respectful, loyal, and faithful. He will be everything you wished your current man was. And he will be all yours too.
Remember that you cannot change a man: he will change himself because of his love for you. Otherwise, he is not in love with you.
If you have to force things too much for something to happen, then maybe the blessing you are searching for is not yours. Stop wasting your time with someone who does not put you on top of his priorities and ignores your desires and needs.
It’s about time you focus on that other guy who will make love look wonderful and effortless.
5. You are opening the door to bad karma
Being a side chick is not a sustainable or healthy lifestyle in the long run. Not only are you hurting yourself by sticking to a complicated love story, but you are also enabling a man to cheat on his girlfriend with you. There’s no excuse for that.
You must face the truth and admit that you are contributing to his infidelity. If you feel discomfort towards your side chick status, you must be doing something that does not feel right to your heart.
By maintaining this unofficial relationship afloat, you have been throwing bad vibes to the universe, and there could be waves of consequences.
Sooner or later, his wife or girlfriend will find out about his affair, and she will come after you, as women who get cheated on tend to blame the other woman. She might verbally or physically attack you, ruin your reputation, harass you, and spend her life making a nightmare of yours.
Do you think the man will defend you? His sole focus will be to save his relationship, so he will not hesitate to renounce what you thought was a love story. As a result, you will end up betrayed and brokenhearted.
Let’s say there is a possibility that the guy you fell in love with breaks up with his main chick. You would then be his number one but also have to pay the price.
Ask yourself if you could fully trust the man as your boyfriend, knowing he is comfortable living a double life, dating other girls, and leaving his partner for a side chick. Besides, this could be a vicious circle. There is no guarantee this guy would not repeat the same thing leaving you for his new side piece.
Furthermore, being his official girlfriend will not make things easier for you. As his woman, people will judge you for being a homewrecker; you must defend your relationship at every step. It will be hard for both of you to have a fruitful relationship growing from bad seeds.
How to walk away from being a side chick
So, how to stop being a side chick? First, stop Googling how to go from the side chick to the main chick. It’s not going to happen.
Even if you have developed feelings, the best option is to walk away from the side chick relationship. It will not be quick or easy, and a lot depends on your situation, so it can be hard to give specific advice on what to do. But be patient and follow these basic steps.
The breakup is inevitable; you must call it quits with that man. Do it before he does so you can get closure and regain your power.
You have been silenced and neglected for too long. Now it is time to make the right decisions for yourself and act accordingly to who you are, a beautiful, smart, and strong person.
He will probably say things will change and even claim he is in love with you. These will be lies: he will not be okay with your empowerment or that you are challenging his rules.
He will work hard to make you stay and keep you by his side because he believes he owns you. Show him how wrong he is by setting yourself free from this side chick label he put on you.
The separation must be total and brutal. Delete all your conversations, photos, and videos, block him on social media, erase his phone number, and give him his stuff back. It will make it easier for you to forget even the notion that he was a part of your life.
Single life might seem scary, but you can start your healing process from there. You will have to take good care of yourself because the situation you were involved in must have wounded you mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Focus on yourself, spend time redefining who you are and what you want so that you can be your best self, and get ready to love and to be loved again.
You deserve a better life than the status of a side chick, and it is up to you to make the decision. Decide to set yourself free from this messy, painful, energy-draining relationship. Decide to put yourself first and make everyone recognize your worth.
And most importantly, decide that going forward, you will not settle for less than you deserve in your life. Remember that if a man cannot see your value, he must not be the right one for you.