can a man fall in love with his side chick

When you find someone who understands you, who makes you laugh, and who makes you happy amongst other things, you do not want to let them go. But what if you fell in love with a man who is already taken? Being a side chick is not exactly where you wanted to end up, and yet, here you are. Even if the guy is transparent about his relationship with the other woman, the idea of him leaving his girlfriend or his wife to be with you has probably crossed your mind. Can a man fall in love with his side chick?

What is a side chick?

The term “side chick” refers to a woman involved in a romantic relationship with a man who already is in a couple with someone else (the “main chick”). The unofficial girl is usually hidden from the public eye by the guy she has an entanglement with because her existence is not appreciated. Even if side chick status is glorified in rap music, a side chick is perceived as a homewrecker and a person without morals in daily life. She gets a bad reputation due to her choice to stay with a man who is already taken.

Why do men have side chicks?

The side chick is often blamed for entering an existing relationship. However, the factors and motives that lead a man to invite another woman in his life are rarely questioned. So why do men choose to have a side chick?

Unsatisfying relationship

When they encounter some trouble in their couple, some men want to know if the grass is greener somewhere else. They get with another woman, whom they see regularly. She becomes their casual lover and receives the status of a side chick. In this way, a man gets to taste what life could be with someone else, without leaving his partner. Men believe their side chicks bring something new to their existence, something that their main chick was not giving to them anymore in terms of love, support, sex, fun, or emotional connection. Nevertheless, this behavior doesn’t necessarily mean they ran out of love for their partner. They were just looking for a thrill with a new girl, and they started to appreciate spending time with both women.

Habitual cheating

Some guys got a habit to cheat on their woman. Those who enjoy the process of seducing other women and seeing if they can make them their own are called players. These men do not get attached nor develop genuine feelings for their partners. Their goal is to satisfy their narcissist needs and have women around to flatter their ego. It’s not about catching feelings; it’s about catching prey. In this case, even the side chick will be cheated on by this man as he never stops playing games and always wants more.

Fear of commitment

Some men are unable to remain in a monogamous relationship because of their fear of commitment. Having a side chick is the loophole they need to make sure their couple doesn’t get “too serious.” The lack of confidence when it comes to being exclusive in a relationship is what pushes him to keep a girl on the side.

Emotional connection

The other extreme is when a man finds himself attached to someone after a fling or simply gets close to a woman emotionally. Men like that are torn apart between staying loyal to the person they have started to build a life with and the desire to know someone else and pursue a relationship with this new woman.

Some men are unable to remain in a monogamous relationship because of their fear of commitment. Click To Tweet

Can a man fall in love with his side chick?

Even though men tend not to show their emotions as openly as women, they can fall in love with their side chick.

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When a man gets caught cheating, he is more likely to beg for his wife’s or girlfriend’s forgiveness than accept the breakup and walk away with his side chick. Besides, if he happens to split with his partner because of his infidelity, he might not want to stay with the girl who “destroyed” what he took so long to build with his woman.

If you have been involved in this type of situation for several months, the chances are that the man you fell in love with might never leave his wife or girlfriend for you. If he had any intention to, he would have given up on his partner a long time ago, in other words, after a few dates with you.

The truth is, when a man decides to have another girl around, he has a clear definition of side chick in his mind. He plans to experience other things with another woman without having to leave his girlfriend. He sure wants both ladies in his life, but one is always more important than the other. If this man’s heart belongs to someone else, there is nothing you can do about it. He will not fall in love with you, even if you seem to spend his happiest times together.

5 reasons you should end a side chick relationship

When you apply to a side chick position, you must keep in mind that you might never get a promotion. If you still have doubts about it, here are five reasons why you should walk away from this side chick relationship.

1. You are being used

If the guy that you met desires to have a temporary thrill, he must be going through a phase where he needs a distraction from his dull, ordinary, or troubled life. This need can arise due to his age, mental health state, or the issues he faces in his relationship. A side chick makes his existence seem more exciting and less miserable. He uses you to make himself feel better about who he is and what he is going through.

However, once he fixes his relationship or his personal problems, he will naturally go back to his wife or girlfriend and leave you, his side chick, behind.

He is treating you like something he has at his disposal. He calls or meets you when he wants; he puts limitations on where you can go and what you can do together. He manipulates your heart, body, and mind to his liking, notably by taking advantage of all the things you have to offer – love, affection, understanding, fun, sex. This man also disregards your feelings and emotions by forcing you to remain silent about your entanglement, and when he does not need you anymore, he will not be saddened to dump you. He might have already set an expiration date on this affair, and the more you ask to be considered his girlfriend, the closer to an end the relationship will get.

2. You will not become his girlfriend

When you met him, the guy was in a relationship with his long-term partner; when you started dating him, he still was with her. If he has not left her yet, he will never do it. You have seen each other for a while, you may consider him your boyfriend, and he probably likes you. However, he has not developed feelings strong enough to make him choose you over his main chick.

Regardless of the affection that he shows to you, he will always have feelings for his partner. The side chick relationship might indicate that the couple is going through hardships, but most likely, it is not a sign that he wants to leave his woman. Even if his actions say otherwise, he must have developed a deep love for his wife or girlfriend rooted in his heart. His mind and body might make him want to reject having an exclusive partner, but when a man loves a woman, it is almost impossible to make him fall in love with someone else.

Men are more likely to separate their emotions from their actions, so the fact that he sees you regularly does not mean he is in love with you, nor that he is contemplating giving up on his significant other. Men with a side chick create rules for themselves that include not catching feelings for the other girl and staying with their woman.

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Of course, a man who has an affair enjoys the thrill of it, but he is also careful about it. If a guy puts so much effort into hiding from his girlfriend that he is unfaithful, he somewhat cares about her and does not intend to break up. He does not want to lose his lady. That’s why he gives you so little space in his heart and schedule.

A guy might not expect his side chick to become the one and only woman in his life, as he probably set the tone when you both agreed to keep this relationship private. Therefore, it will be hard for you to renegotiate the terms of this contract.

If a guy puts so much effort into hiding from his girlfriend that he is unfaithful, he somewhat cares about her and does not intend to break up. Click To Tweet

3. You deserve better

Being a side chick is a precarious love status with multiple disadvantages. For instance, you must keep the relationship secret because he cannot be seen with the woman he is cheating on his girlfriend or wife. You cannot meet with him when you want, where you want, nor talk about him with your friends as no one should know about your situation. You are missing on dates, outings, events, and family reunions. You cannot meet his parents, and he cannot meet yours since your existence as a couple is illicit. This secret must be a big burden to bear.

Don’t you wish you could invite him to a party with your friends? Wouldn’t it be cool to post pictures of him on your social media pages? You deserve to have a gentleman by your side who will not be ashamed to introduce you to everybody and take you to beautiful places to make you happy.

Every woman deserves to be with a man who treats her with kindness and respect, who is loyal and committed to her.

4. You are closing the door to the right man

How much time, love, and energy have you spent on this man, who refuses to make you his better half? Stop neglecting yourself, stop ignoring your needs when it comes to love, especially if the man you fell for is not willing to do the same for you. Do not forget the notion of reciprocity. You should not be the only one trying to build a relationship. This is a job for two. Besides, while you are killing yourself to make this relationship work, someone else is waiting for you to show up.

There are nearly seven billion human beings on earth. Do you think that the only way you find love is to share a guy with another woman? There is someone special for you somewhere. You just need to find him. And guess what? This man will be everything you asked for, available, and ready to commit to you. He will be gentle, thoughtful, respectful, loyal, faithful. He will be everything you wished your current man was. And he will be all yours too.

Remember that you cannot change a man: a man will change himself because of the love he has for you. Otherwise, he is not in love with you. If you have to force things too much for something to happen, then maybe the blessing you are searching for is not yours. Stop wasting your time with someone who does not put you on top of his priorities and ignores your desires and needs. Instead, you should start focusing on that other guy who will make love look wonderful and effortless.

5. You are opening the door to bad karma

Being a side chick is not a sustainable nor healthy lifestyle. Not only are you hurting yourself by sticking to a complicated love story, but you are also enabling a man to cheat on his girlfriend with you. You have to be true to yourself and admit that you are contributing to one’s infidelity. If you feel a certain discomfort towards your side chick status, you must be doing something that does not feel right to your heart.

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By maintaining this unofficial relationship afloat, you have been throwing bad vibes to the universe, and there could be waves of consequences.

Sooner or later, his wife or girlfriend will find out about his affair, and she will come after you, as women who get cheated on tend to put all the blame on the other woman. She might verbally or physically attack you, ruin your reputation, harass you, and spend her life making a nightmare of yours. Do you think the man will defend you? His sole focus will be to save his relationship, so he will not hesitate to renounce what you thought was a love story. As a result, you will end up betrayed and broken-hearted.

Let’s say there is a possibility that the guy you fell in love with breaks up with his main chick. You would then be his number one but would also have to pay the price for it. Ask yourself if you would be able to fully trust him as your boyfriend, knowing that he is comfortable with living a double life and able to leave his partner for the other woman. Besides, this could be a vicious circle. There is no guarantee he would not reiterate and leave you for his new side piece.

Furthermore, being his official girlfriend will not necessarily make things easier for you. As his woman, you will be judged by people for being a homewrecker; you will have to defend your couple in every step. It will be hard for both of you to have a fruitful relationship growing from bad seeds.

Being a side chick is not a sustainable nor healthy lifestyle. Click To Tweet

How to walk away from being a side chick

Even if you developed feelings, the best option is to walk away from the side chick relationship. It will not be a quick nor easy process, so be patient and follow these steps.

Firstly, the breakup is inevitable; you must call it quits with that man. Do it before he does so that you can have the closure you need and take your power back. You have been silenced and neglected for too long. Now it is time to make the right decisions for yourself and act accordingly to who you are, a beautiful, smart, and strong person.

He will probably say that things will change and even claim that he is in love with you. These will be lies: he will not be okay with your empowerment nor with the fact that you are challenging his rules. He will work hard to make you stay and keep you by his side because he believes he owns you. Show him how wrong he is by setting yourself free from this side chick label he put on you.

The separation must be total and brutal: delete all your conversations, your photos and videos together, block him on social media, erase his phone number, and give him his stuff back. It will make it easier for you to forget he even was a part of your life.

You will be able to start your healing process from there. You will have to take good care of yourself because the situation you were involved in must have wounded you mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Focus on yourself, spend time redefining who you are and what you want, so that you can be your best self and get ready to love and to be loved again.

You deserve better than being a side chick, and it is up to you to make the decision. Decide to set yourself free from this messy, painful, energy-draining relationship. Decide to put yourself first and to make everyone recognize your worth. Decide that from now on, you will not settle for less than you deserve in your life. Remember that if a man cannot see your value, he must not be the right one for you.

Tracy is a freelance writer, translator, and foreign languages teacher based in Paris, France. She likes to share her personal experiences to encourage, inspire, and empower women. 

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