Working the Friend Zone and Why It’s Not a Bad Place to Be

friend zone

There’s nothing worse than when you’re really into an attractive woman, and she ‘friend zones’ you. Well, there are a lot of worse situations that you can be in: you could be jobless, broke, homeless, in jail, dying, listening to Justin Bieber non-stop on the radio. But we’re dealing with your heart here, and emotions are powerful stuff! Being friend zoned is terrible, because your ego will take a devastating blow. She likes you — as a “friend.” I can see her lips right now telling you this ominous and dreadful doomsday news. This is a common term that women will give you to basically tell you that you’re not sexy enough to kiss, sleep with, have a relationship with, or have a date with. How do you deal with this?

Your heart is broken and shattered into oblivion after she tells you this bad news about how she feels about you. You feel a sudden implosion inside of you (that’s your heart breaking), like your love boat is stuck at sea, and the wind is ripped out of your sails. The feeling is as if you hit a cement wall, and you don’t have a clue what to do with her now, or how to behave with her, for that matter.

No worries. I’m here to put a positive spin and tell you that it’s ok being in the friend zone. I must be delusional and crazy, right? How can this be ok, when you feel so much interest and sexual chemistry with her? How can you just be ‘friends’ with her, without behaving like a jealous fool, and wanting to chase any other guy with an interest in her away?

Being in the friend zone keeps the connection alive

Here’s why being in the friend zone isn’t so bad. She doesn’t want to get rid of you! She wants you as a friend to hang out, if she’s indeed serious about it. Your lonely days are over! You can go shopping with her, go out to coffee with her, go see a movie with her. In other words, you’re like her gay friend, but the only thing is that you don’t get to have sex with her (unless you’re a friend with benefits, but that’s a different scenario). There’s nothing wrong with that. Don’t be the ‘all or nothing’ guy, because a lot of times, you will get nothing (refer to the law of physics). Being a friend keeps your connection alive with her, instead of having absolutely nothing with her. If you’re fond of her, you can spend time with her without the awkwardness of sexual tension (or maybe it’s best to keep the sexual tension to yourself in this case). She will appreciate it.

Why not be ‘buddies’ with someone gorgeous or beautiful? Besides, you need to remember that there are billions of other men who don’t have her as well. Perhaps she has a hunky boyfriend, but she needs something else outside of her relationship with a friendly and innocent guy. You can provide her with that! Maybe she just needs a different form of companionship from her relationship, and guys can be friends with women just as much as women can be friends with women — it’s just different. It is possible to be friends with someone who you find attractive, and you can keep things fresh and interesting with her, despite not dating her or having sex with her.

Being in the friend zone gives you practice with other women

How better to learn about the opposite sex than be friends with women? You learn about what makes them tick with men, what kind of men that they fall in love with, what qualities they seek out in men, what kind of men they like to date, what kind of men that they hate. You get to ask them questions about what works with them, and what doesn’t. You get a female perspective on life and human relationships, and it also helps you with your personal dating situations. What’s wrong with that? I’d say that’s better than the alternative of being around your buddy guys every weekend without ever learning about or experiencing the opposite sex. Being friend zoned gives you the opportunity to talk to a woman, and you gain practice for your upcoming dates. Perhaps her boyfriend treated her a certain way, and she broke up with him. You learn about it as her confidant and friend (because hopefully she trusts you), and guess what? Perhaps your friendship has paid off for you, and maybe you’ll be the next guy that she considers dating, because she’s comfortable around you! Women love to feel comfortable with guys. They like feeling calm, and being a friend to her will give her that special feeling, while her toxic boyfriend may make her jealous, awkward, or uncomfortable.

The Friend zone isn’t a lonely place

You will benefit from spending time with her. You get to go shopping with her at the mall for hours, carry her bags for her, and she can tell you all about her life and her problems! You can go to events with her as her friend, and reap the benefits of a relationship without the physical awkwardness or sexual tension. You also learn to control your jealousy, because if you’re into her, most likely you will feel jealousy periodically while she pays attention to other men. You can go to coffee with her and talk with her, look at her beautiful face, and make other men in the coffee shop jealous! They may think to themselves, “How did he score her?” You can go for walks with her, smell her tantalising perfume, and you can also go see that new movie with your beautiful buddy. It’s not that bad being in the friend zone — as long as she is serious about keeping and maintaining a friendship with you.

So the next time that you hear those dreadful words escape her lips that you long to kiss, or that text in the middle of the night that tells you that you’re going nowhere fast, you can be confident, assured, and think to yourself, maybe being friends with her isn’t so bad? Perhaps there are more benefits to being friends with her than I thought, and if you play your cards right with her, who knows? Being optimistic, maybe sometime in the future your friendship and special connection with her will really pay off for you.

William is a graphic designer and creative writer. One of his favourite interests is reading books about relationships. He recommends ‘How to Succeed with Women’ and Doc Love’s ‘The System’. He has two adorable children that he enjoys spending time with. William is currently single and is preparing for his next relationship. You can follow him on Twitter.


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