I find dating to be a precarious business at times. It involves balancing on a pinnacle, trying to ensure you say and do the right things to make that person want to see you again. To achieve this, it all depends on your behaviour. Sometimes, you can walk away with a grin after the date, feeling confident it couldn’t have gone any better. Then, you’ll never hear from them again. It can leave you questioning and doubting yourself. It seems no matter how well you behaved, that person still has no desire for another date.
After this has happened I have tried to evaluate my own conduct during the meeting. I construct a mental replay. I think back to what I talked about, what I didn’t talk about, my body language, listening skills and other factors. Perhaps I tried too hard to come across as interesting and fun, only for it to appear desperate or insincere. The reason may have been more innocent. My date could have considered us incompatible based on opposition of interests and views.
I will share with you some potentially fatal first date mistakes you should be avoiding if you have every intention of seeing that person again.
Constantly talking about yourself shows inconsideration to your dating partner. They may feel your interest in them as a person is lacking. I dated someone a few years ago who was guilty of this. She would constantly talk about herself and her life, she rarely showed interest in anything I had to say. I found this behaviour very unattractive and off-putting. As a result, the dating soon came to an end.
Strangely enough, she did not know this was the primary reason I didn’t want to see her again. Maybe the irony was that she focused on herself to the point of oblivion. She could not see what was happening right in front of her.
So if you are a culprit, consider it from the angle of your date. Doing nothing but talking about yourself does not bode well for the future. This person may question why they should see you again. They may think ahead and wonder whether this behaviour would continue if you were their partner. If you are already being selfish at such an early stage, how would you fare during a relationship? Would you respond well if the attention was to be on your partner during a special occasion, for instance, or would you always find ways to direct the focus back on to yourself?
Talking about your ex
Embittered and resentful are apt words associated with constantly making references to an ex. Doing this instantly brings unnecessary negativity to the meeting. According to FactRetriever, revealing too much about your ex is one of the ‘common blunders of a date’. You should be making that person feel good as opposed to inadequate. It will also give your date the impression you are not able to easily let things go, as well as harbouring angry feelings.
There is clearly unfinished business for you to feel the need to frequently mention your ex. This even still applies if the comments you make are fairly positive. You’ll be failing to convince your date you’ve emotionally left your ex behind, as well as possibly failing to convince yourself.
If I was to experience this during a date, I would get the impression that person is not serious. Why would I want a canvas already splattered with paint? To go on a date is to make an impression on a fresh and spotless surface-there for you to make your own mark upon it. You can not hope to do this if that canvas has not been replaced with a new one.
Lack of zeal
You may not be getting that second date due to a lack of zeal. You should have passions and hobbies to excite and fulfil you. If all you do is go to work, come home and watch television in a mundane loop every week, you may not have as much to bring to the conversation.
You should show your date you are seasoned and full of experiences. Tell them all the things you have done, whether exciting or frightening. Or use your hobbies as fodder to inject an enthusiastic tone into your exchanges. Literature is my biggest interest. So I would use this as fuel for conversation. I would explain how I plan to visit the Literature Festival as soon as I get the chance, how being locked in Waterstones would make me very happy, and the type of writing I do in my spare time.
Showing passion for the things you love will have a positive causal effect. Your date should mirror your enthusiasm and in turn will talk about their interests in the same lively manner. If you are the opposite and have nothing to talk of, this could also influence your date. They could quickly lose interest if they feel the conversation is frequently susceptible of waning.
The duration of the date
You’re probably not going to increase your chances of getting a second date if you make your meetings too long. Retain some mystery and keep it short and sweet. If you spend hours together revealing too much in one sitting, you’re not leaving that person wanting more. According to dating expert John Seymour, “Short meetings – coffee, one drink, in a public place – are better than setting aside a whole evening”.
Choosing to meet in a coffee shop is a safe option as it will keep the meeting brief. You can talk of some captivating topics, then leave. If they like you, they will be hoping you divulge more during the next meeting.
On previous dates, I have made the mistake of extending the meeting. Alcohol has been involved, which usually takes longer to drink than coffee. The drink relaxes central nervous system. thus, the date becomes relaxed and longer in duration. I exhaust all topics of interest as I am inclined to be more conversational as the drink flows. Then my anecdotes become more generous. By doing this I am not allowing my date to leave with more questions than they had at the start. I want that person to feel there’s unfinished business between us.
Now that you know the worst first date mistakes and the consequences they cause, you can improve your chances of procuring a second meeting. It always helps to focus on that person instead of yourself. Think of their wants and needs. Consider that they would most likely not want to hear about your ex, nor hear of the dull way you pass your evenings after work. Bring something new and exciting to the date. Basically being unselfish and aiming to make sure that person enjoys the experience will work in your favour.