Dating Older Men: What Age Gap Is Too Big?

dating older men

Do you remember when you first turned 18 years old and you were eager to celebrate your newfound freedom as an adult? The moment that you became an adult, you could decide what you wanted to do, and who you wanted to spend time with. No one else makes your decisions except for you, and that’s very exciting! However, that can also be stressful, because you alone are responsible for how your life turns out. Age isn’t the only indicator of a person’s experiences, but there are some reasons why you should carefully consider dating older men. Here is how to determine if an age gap between you and your date is too big of a gap to ignore.

You question whether you’re on the same page

Two people don’t necessarily need to be from the same generation in order for them to share common interests, but a man who is 20 years older than you may have a completely different set of goals than you have. You might have a goal of buying your first home within 2 to 5 years, but your goal might not seem too exciting to your older man because he might have already achieved that milestone decades ago. Relationships are easier to get excited about when you are sharing your goals and milestones together.

Family planning is also something that you need to consider if parenting is an experience that you want to pursue. An older man who has never had children before and wants to share the parenting experience with you is someone who might be a great match for you. However, if you are seeing an older man who has children and even grandchildren who are closer in age to you than you are to him, you might want to think twice about moving the relationship further. Many older adults who have already raised children are not interested in starting over again and raising a newborn, even if their partner has a strong desire to start a family.

You are constantly comparing your union

‘Thou shall not covet’ is a great commandment, but what happens when you find yourself constantly comparing what you have in your relationship to what your friends have?  When your friends are paired off with men who are close in age to them and you are in a partnership with a man who is much older, it’s natural to make comparisons in your mind and wonder if what you have is worth fighting for and keeping.

The age gap becomes a clear disadvantage when your partner’s health is not the best. When you aren’t sure whether or not your partner will be around later on in your life because of age-related health issues, you need to keep that in mind. Double dating can be awkward when your love mate is closer in age to yours and your friends’ parents than he is to you and your peers. If you find yourselves awkwardly searching for topics to discuss that you can all relate to, then you might want to think twice about pursuing an age-gap relationship long term. Communication is an important part of every relationship, and if you’re struggling for things to discuss with each other, then you’re going to have more hurdles than you need to have.

You are obsessed with the age difference

The first sign that deep down inside, you have an issue with the age gap between you two, is if you are obsessively thinking about age differences. When a relationship feels right and is a good match, you should be relaxing and enjoying the partnership. Settling comfortably into the relationship might take a while at first, especially if the relationship is very new. However, you should get to the point where you feel so at home with each other that you don’t freak out about showing your man what you look like without a drop of makeup on your face.

If you feel comfortable with the age gap, the age difference won’t be keeping you up at night. I prefer dating men who are either up to 10 years younger or up to 10 years older than me. For me, that means that a man born in the 1970s, 1980s, and early 1990s, is fair game and someone who I could strongly consider dating without feeling uneasy about the age gap. That is not to say that men born outside of the 70s, 80s, and 90s could never be an option for me, but I feel more comfortable with my 10 year age gap dating rule for myself. With my personally imposed rule, I don’t find myself obsessing about the age gap because I feel that a 10 year age gap limit is perfectly reasonable for me to find common interest with my mate. But of course you need to figure out what works for you.

I have friends who have told me that they wouldn’t consider dating younger men because they don’t take them seriously. I, on the other hand, am perfectly fine with dating younger men. I’m fine with dating older men too, but I don’t want a man who is old enough to be my parent; I’m just not interested in being in a match where I don’t feel like we are equals. Earlier this year, a friend of one of my friends who has a grown child close in age to me and has a grandchild expressed an interest in dating me. As far as I’m concerned, that will never happen, and I soon distanced myself from him after he shared his feelings. There is too much of an “ick” factor that enters my mind when I think about being in a relationship with a man who is old enough to be my grandparent. I would always feel like I was missing out on enjoying my life stage where I am at if I was dating a much older man. However, each person is different.  You might feel a thrill at the idea of dating a much older man. Weigh the pros and cons of age gap matches. If you feel that you would feel at peace with a large age match, then follow your heart to wherever it leads you. As long as you are both legal adults and aren’t breaking any laws by being together, you just have to consider your conscience and if dating older men feels right to you.

Akua is a Canadian born and raised girl with Caribbean roots. She is a journalist, actress, music teacher, performer, owner and marketer of 3 worldwide dating websites, as well as an independent Pure Romance business owner selling passion products for singles and couples.  Visit her website  AkuaHinds.com to learn more about her.


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