During the summer break before my sophomore year of college, I decided to download Tinder. The only guy I ever dated had a new girlfriend so I decided to try and find a new guy.
After setting up my account I swiftly swiped right and left on profiles and I met up with a few guys. To my dismay, my Tinder experiences weren’t all that great. My breaking point experience was when I swiped right on Chris one weekend. We had great conversation and got along well. We talked every day and even FaceTimed. He had a busy schedule, but eventually, we found some time to hang out. With all this communication I thought something more was coming out of it, but I soon came to realize he just wanted to hook up. I tried hinting to him that I was up for something more serious, but that just led to him ghosting me. Needless to say, I was very upset.
During six years of using various online dating sites and apps, I’ve had guys who did not know how to hold a conversation, I’ve had guys curse me out because I didn’t want to hook up with them, and I’ve had guys ghosting me after a couple of dates. These are 5 main reasons why online dating sucked for me and my personal insights on how to make it suck less.
1. You are not getting any matches
At the beginning, I was getting almost no matches and the guys that I matched with were asking to introduce them to my friend who was with me in one of my profile pictures. It was getting frustrating and I had to update my profile. When I removed the photo of my friend and uploaded a few pictures of me engaging in different activities, I immediately noticed the difference in matches and messages. I also updated my bio by adding some witty wordplay to show my sense of humor.
If you have an issue with getting matches, it’s time to reconsider your online dating strategy. This could mean using a different app, updating your dating profile, or changing your mindset. There are many different apps out there and their audience can differ, so find the best one for you.
If you are near a big city or a college, you’re more likely to get matches. To broaden my search I only swiped when I was in the city. I also broadened the type of person I would swipe on. I widened my age preference and sometimes gave less photogenic members a chance. A lot of the good guys that I matched with didn’t take the best pictures that reflected how they looked.
2. You can’t stand boring conversations
One time I message every match I got “I love you.” I received funny responses and actually had a guy say “I love you back.” I went on a date with him a couple of days later. It ended between us dramatically, but that experience convinced me that dating is better when you’re not taking it so seriously. There’s no guarantee that a message I sent on a dating app will result in a date, just like there’s no guarantee a date will end in happily ever after, but when the journey is fun you don’t mind waiting a little longer for the outcome.
We put so much pressure on us to meet the right guy, but dating is really about the journey. Everything sucks less when you make it fun. Send fun messages sometimes. Instead of spending time messaging for weeks with a guy online get off the app as soon as possible. And when you do meet make sure you have your go-to open-ended questions, that could lead to a decent conversation.
3. All guys just want sex
My go-to pickup line is “Hey! What do you think about getting off this app and getting tacos tomorrow in honor of Taco Tuesday?”. It happened to me that some guys made suggestions about eating their taco instead. Instead of playing along I would suggest we go on a date first and go from there. Most guys would disappear once I would make a suggestion like this, but the guys that actually wanted more than a hook up would comply to a date. While I believe sexual chemistry is needed in a relationship, it’s definitely necessary to hold back a little if you want a little more than sex. Don’t waste your time on the guys that don’t show they are interested in something serious. The dating apps are a great way to weed people out, so when you set your standards early on, you don’t get disappointed.
There are lots of people that join dating apps to easily find a hookup, but these apps are really what you make of it. I used to entertain guys that would message me with sexual innuendos. I soon realized when they did this they were interested in just hooking up. If you want to just hook up go for it, but if that’s not what you’re looking for you have to make it clear to them.The dating apps are a great way to weed people out, so when you set your standards early on, you don't get disappointed. Click To Tweet
4. Ghosting seems to be a norm
I recently was helping my friend create her dating profile. I told her not to expect too much and to be prepared for guys going silent and dissapearing after a few hours or even days of messaging. A couple of weeks later she ended up deleting the dating app saying that online dating was a waste of time. I wasn’t surprised about this, but we had a discussion about building her confidence and not taking ghosting personally.
Ghosting is a part of online dating ‘culture’. When you meet a random person online and you find out that you don’t fancy them, it’s easier to just ghost them than make an effort to explain why you don’t want to keep in touch with them anymore. Whether a person tells you they aren’t interested or just ghosts you, you can’t take it personally. At the beginning of my online dating journey I would cry every time a guy ghosted me because I always thought there was something wrong with me. When I started encountering great guys I didn’t like, it was tough to turn them down. They were very respectful and nice, but there was no chemistry between us and I saw no point in continuing our communication. Once I had to reject a few guys myself, I understood why some men would ghost me. I soon built my confidence and realized I was an amazing girl who had a lot to offer. Nothing was wrong with me, I was just the wrong one for them.
5. Internet is full of catfishers
There are a few reasons why people pretend being somebody else online: they may be bored or not confident of themselves or they may have some evil intentions such as scamming you. I have been catfished before, and it’s frustrating to deal with untruthful people. When I first met a guy he was clearly catfishing me because he did not look anything like his online profile photos. We had an awkward conversation over a coffee and he tried to convince me to go to his place, but I denied. He drove off pissed off and blamed it on his gained weight.
Getting catfished can discourage from online dating. Sometimes taking a break from online dating is the only solution. I have downloaded and deleted my dating apps multiple times over the time. Taking a dating detox gives you time to focus on yourself, other activities, and building your confidence. Whether I was heartbroken or annoyed the detox made online dating better for me in the long run.
After taking a few months break from online dating I decided to get back to the dating game. I changed my mindset and adjusted my strategy and I’ve been seeing some success. Online dating doesn’t suck, you just have to learn how to use it as a tool that will broaden your dating options to meet people.