If you are in a relationship and something doesn’t feel quite right it can be hard to recognise a single reason to leave. Sometimes it’s not about identifying one defining issue, but looking at the overall basis of the relationship. There are some elementary principles that a relationship requires to keep both parties satisfied. Here are some examples for you: you should feel comfortable, you should feel like you can tell them anything, you should feel secure and respected. If any of these boxes aren’t being ticked (and you’ve given it all that you’re prepared to give) do yourself a favour and walk away from a relationship.
I believe that in this list of reasons to end your relationship are some fundamental ones that allude to the basic standards and expectations that we should all have. The fact that you are even reading this article with someone in mind is a warning sign about your relationship. But if you need another reason, I have 7 more.
1. You feel like being with a stranger
You’ve been dating for a while and they still feel like a stranger? That’s not a good thing. I’m all for happy surprises and revealing different aspects of your personality, but if they have more sides to them then a Rubik’s cube, do you really think that will ever change? I’m talking about big curveballs here: revelations, erratic behaviour or maybe they just don’t let you in at all. In any case, you deserve to feel secure and that you’re making progress with your partner.
2. Their words and actions don’t match up
Let’s face it, a relationship that constantly feels like an uphill battle is bound to be crap. Anyone can talk the talk, but you chose your partner because you thought they could walk the walk, right? Constant let downs and broken promises is not a good look. After a while, you need to think about how much of this you can take. If you have stability, structure and discipline in your life, you should be dating people that match that, or your life can be thrown off balance. You can’t stay with a person that always lets you down and expect them to wake up one-day and change. If this is sounding familiar, it sounds like they need to be single and you need to move on.
3. They avoid honest or sensitive conversations
In their chance to really open up and get to know you on a deeper level, they close off. This can be tricky as everyone has their own sensitive triggers or “no go conversations”. After a while, you should start to see more sides of your partner including a vulnerable one. If this isn’t happening, you may jump to conclusions but it’s best to talk to them, encourage them to open up.
They also might close off when it comes to matters of the relationship. If they ignore your problems, get defensive or roll their eyes at you getting upset, they don’t support you. Neither are they mature enough to have an honest, adult conversation. Simple as that. As a general rule, you cannot get angry at someone for being human, having emotions and expressing that to you.
4. You are the only one making an effort
Why should you date someone that doesn’t put in as much effort in as you do? It’s plain and simple – you deserve better. If you start to feel like you’re bothering them when you call them or text them, you should be hearing those dreaded alarm bells. I’m sure you’ve heard before that relationships are about give and take. Wouldn’t it be nice if you found someone who wants to be around you, loves hearing your voice and makes decisions with you in mind? That should be the benchmark.
5. They try to change you
There’s nothing wrong with a push in the right direction and there will always be little things you may want to change about your partner. When it starts to feel like a major personality overhaul, this is your que to get your running shoes. Quite frankly, it’s insulting. You met when you were a certain way and they will have to accept that. You have to learn to distinguish between the reasonable and the unreasonable. Are they encouraging you to quit smoking or controlling how many Facebook friends you have? Because there’s a difference. Recognise that and take action accordingly.
6. They hesitate to introduce you to friends or family
If the relationship isn’t progressing maybe it’s time to ask why. They may give you the whole “I’m not ready” spiel, which is acceptable for a limited time. It’s most common for friends to give the ok before meeting the parents but if you’ve met neither of them it’s bound to may raise an eyebrow. First course of action is to have a conversation. If they give anything less than a sincere answer its time to think seriously about what they’re keeping you from or vice versa.
7. You don’t feel safe
I saved the best for last but really this needs no explanation. For whatever reason, if you don’t feel secure you have to muster up the courage to leave – no one else is going to do it for you and repercussions are potentially deadly. Talk to your friends, family, anyone that can help. Nobody deserves to be mistreated and no one has a right to inflict pain on anyone else. If you or anyone you know is experiencing domestic violence of any kind contact a domestic abuse hotline today.
The fact is, there are many reasons to walk away from a relationship but it’s easy to hang on when there are many small issues. Ultimately, if you can relate to this list and still feel like the relationship is worth salvaging, then it’s time to have a conversation with your partner. If you can be honest about what bothers you and what you expect going forward, then hopefully you’ll get an explanation and positive reassurance and you might stand a chance. Regardless of if you decide to give it another try or not, you should know your worth and what you deserve.