When a relationship falls apart the natural grieving process takes its toll and you deal with things the only way you know how. Whether that’s grabbing your closest friends to paint the town red or shutting yourself off from the world.

However, there is a version of you without your ex partner that is happy, independent and free. You’ll meet that version of yourself when you least expect it so don’t go chasing closure. As frustrating and thought occupying as it is, you will have to understand the fact that you may never get answers from your ex. Rather than worrying about what has happened in the past, why not start focusing on yourself?

Breakups can be distressing, and I want to share more than just ways to get over a relationship as there is no definitive formula that will get you to move on. I will give you some tips on what to do after a breakup that will help you stay busy and more importantly, help move forward with your life.

1. Get your priorities in order

There are a couple of reasons why this should be your first step. Not only is this a distraction from post breakup reflection, it’s more than likely you have been neglecting personal matters in your life. Get your finances straight, make sure your career is on the right track, get that spring clean done. Not only will you feel a small sense of achievement, this is the vital turning point you need to start taking control of your life and move forward without your ex. If you’ve broken off a long term relationship, doing certain every day tasks solo may seem alien, but the quicker you get used to being on your own, the quicker you’ll become comfortable with it.

2. Start that hobby you’ve been putting off

There is a saying: a year from now you’ll wish you’d started today. This time next year, chances are you’ll be over the stress of the breakup. Wouldn’t it be great if you also had something to show for it too? A new hobby will occupy your time, but you might also meet some new people and start an amazing new chapter in your life. You may have lost one love, but with every closed door a window of opportunity will arise. It’s down to you to take initiative and put yourself “out there”. I don’t want to hear any excuses of “I’m not sure where to begin”. Everyone in the world has fantasies of being great at something, all you need to do is sign up for classes and show up to them.

3. Invest in yourself

Buy yourself something pretty. A new outfit will give you a little spring in your step at a time where you may be lacking confidence. For me, a new lipstick makes me feel like Rihanna and a new hairdo? Don’t get me started! However, your gift to yourself doesn’t have to be material. It could be taking the time out to go see that film you really wanted to, taking an afternoon off to spend time with your pet. Anything that will make you happy, do it. As you start to get back on track, you should start investing this time and money into matters that could help your career and general well-being. Attend seminars or go to the gym. Remember, you are reinventing yourself with your best foot forward so it’s important to get into positive and healthy habits that will steer your life in the right direction.

4. Spend time with loved ones

Your nearest and dearest offer the best advice on your relationship. They’ll help you to put things into perspective and will provide much needed support. You can ask them to accompany you to the activities that you enjoy. If you’re an introvert it may be comforting to have someone on your side when facing a new experience. When I say loved ones, I also mean cute and fluffy animals. Simply being in the presence of dogs is proved to destress and promote relaxation so maybe it’s time to get a pet?

5. Delete your ex from every aspect of your life

I have tried the whole friends with exes spiel but now, if things don’t work out I get deleting. The reason for this is because holding on ultimately prevents us from moving forward. Being hung up on someone and still having access to them is never going to work. The “hey big head” text is too much temptation to stay away. I am a big believer that unless you break up due to circumstances (for example, somebody moves away) it’s not meant to be. Reading through past messages are sure to stir up unwanted emotion so the best thing to do for your own sanity is erase the trace! This is a big step for some, so if you must, take it slow and delete in stages.

With these 5 attainable steps, not only will you be on your way to getting over your ex, you’ll be initiating the journey of moving forward with your life. In essence, you need to start doing the things you’ve been putting off and start treating yourself. You’ll be well on the way to falling in love, but with yourself this time (cheesy, right?). Just remember that you can’t keep it moving when you’re still looking back. Although it’s hard to move on and emotional pain doesn’t heal over-night, now you know what to do after a breakup and you can give yourself the best chance to get back to the old you.