signs an emotionally unavailable man is in love with you

Dating can be confusing enough, but it worsens when you are unsure how other people feel about you. After dating a man for a few months and first becoming friends, you begin to wonder how he feels about you. You think there is a mutual connection, and you want a relationship. Still, he is not showing it in the way other men have shown they have feelings for you in the past. So naturally, you begin to wonder if he is taking this relationship seriously.

You can easily confuse the lack of interest with emotional unavailability. Here you will find the tell-tale signs an emotionally unavailable man is in love with you.

1. He opens up

Once you can recognize and accept that the guy you are dating is emotionally unavailable, you will begin to look at him differently. He will not be like the typical man you are used to dating or how you want him to be. Instead, he will struggle with emotional attachment issues.

It is not easy for someone emotionally unavailable to open up and enter into a relationship, but when they do, it’s because they want to, not because they need to.

The man will only open up when he feels safe and ready to do so. But do not push him when he tells you about his childhood, close friends, or past traumas. That’s how he is showing his love for you. There is more to come but at his own pace.

It can be frustrating to be in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable man. The confusion and disappointment may leave you questioning if this man is the one you want to be with. Be patient with him if you feel you are a good match.

2. He asks your opinion

When the guy who is emotionally unavailable begins to ask for your opinion, it is one of the first signs that you are important to him. You will know he is developing feelings for you when he prefers your opinion over the opinion of his friends.

Whether work-related, life choices, big decisions, or something as simple as the color of shirt he should wear, if he wants to know your opinion, it means he is getting more comfortable with you.

It is not unheard of that an emotionally unavailable man recoils after he begins to show you love and who he is. But even if he deas, I can assure you, it has nothing to do with you.

You will know he is developing feelings for you when he prefers your opinion over the opinion of his friends. Click To Tweet

3. He talks about his past openly

Regardless of who we are, we all have past traumas we need to heal from. For some, it could be trauma from childhood, unhealthy friendships, or toxic relationships. And yes, even men have trauma from love. Yet, some of us are ok talking about it while others find it hard to discuss. That could be because they trusted someone in the past that hurt them, and they felt vulnerable.

When the emotionally unavailable man is ready to try again with a relationship and openly talks about his past relationships with you, he wants to keep you around. All that you need to do is listen. Don’t ask too many questions, and don’t judge him. He is testing the waters to see if he feels safe with you to open up.

Chances are you will not get all the information about this man’s past any time soon. Many of us will talk all night as we sip wine and get to learn about each other as if we are in a romcom. The emotionally unavailable man will talk about his past between commercials and then not for another few weeks. It is normal, and that’s how he shows love.

4. He begins to show emotions

woman receiving flowers from a man

The emotional side is a true Achilles heel for emotionally unavailable men. They are not comfortable with emotions primarily because of previous hurts, and they think that men who show emotion are weak. Therefore, expressing love does not come easy for them. However, they could not be further from the truth.

In the same way, hiding your feelings could be difficult for you. However, if this guy begins to show emotions, even the slightest bit, it is a sign he is starting to trust you. It is likely that he sees a future with you and is trying his best to open up to show you he cares.

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The emotions he is showing today may not look like the emotions he showed last week. They may be hit or miss because he is still trying to figure out how not to hide the feelings and remain safe with you, but change is coming! It is one of the more significant signs that this guy is falling in love with you.

5. He is stable

When emotionally unavailable men date, it is not always to pursue a relationship with any woman they meet. They tend to date around to protect themselves from being hurt. This lifestyle is also linked to their avoidant attachment style. While this man may stay friends with some of the women he dates, he would want much more with you when he becomes stable.

At first, the emotional unavailable might be hot and cold. However, when he finds someone he has a good connection with, someone he can easily talk to and be himself, he will become more consistent with his calls, texts, and date nights.

The transition will not happen overnight. Still, you will notice a change in this guy’s behavior, and you will then recognize a pattern of consistency, which is a promising sign he is falling in love with you. Although he wants to be with you, it will be difficult for an emotionally unavailable man to verbalize his feelings.

Don’t test him. Don’t make him jealous because that will push him away. Instead, have a conversation that is short and don’t talk about feelings. It is not easy to get reassurance from an emotionally unavailable man, but it is not impossible.

Although he wants to be with you, it will be difficult for an emotionally unavailable man to verbalize his feelings. Click To Tweet

6. He uses “us” or “we”

Suddenly, one day you hear him saying: “We need to watch this show.” Your eyes will get big, the excitement inside you will grow, and you might feel as if you imagine things, but you heard correctly, he made a significant change.

Even emotionally unavailable men want to feel included in a relationship. So you agree to watch the show even if it’s awful because you now realize he is growing more serious about you, and you realize an exclusive relationship might be right around the corner. Over time “We should,” “Can we?” and even “Do you think this is good for us?” will become second nature for him to say.

Next thing you know, you will be using “we” and “us” as well. At first, it might feel like your partner is slipping up by referring to you as “we,” and you may want to test the waters to observe how he reacts when you say the same. When you notice he’s ok with it, you will settle into the relationship even more.

There will be times when he reverts to “I ” or “me,” but don’t sweat it. He is still working on the change, and he still values you very much.

7. He considers you

When you first met the emotionally unavailable person, he didn’t care much about your day. Instead, he faked interest in what was happening with your friends, family, and work. As you spoke, you saw him browsing on social media, and at times things you said fell on deaf ears.

You began to wonder why you were even trying. As you sat next to the guy on the couch, he ate ice cream and didn’t offer you any, but things began to change.

He had started to ask you about your day, started keeping his phone down when with you, remembered your best friend’s dog’s name, and now he’s even bringing two spoons to the couch to share his dessert with you. This guy might still not go out of his way to accompany you to your nephew’s birthday party, but he is making progress.

And of course, there will be days when you may have something exciting to tell him, and it will be all about him. He may call and ramble about his day and completely neglect to ask how you were. It can sting, but if you tell him you have something important to say and redirect him without sounding bitter, chances are he will tune into what you have to say.

8. He cares about your feelings

man and woman in love laying on the grass

An emotionally unavailable man has extreme difficulty expressing his feelings and considering yours. Most emotionally unavailable men don’t even want to hear about anyone’s feelings or even hear the word “love” because it makes them uncomfortable.

This guy needs more time to examine how he feels. Therefore, he avoids talking about feelings at all costs. At first, it may seem as if he does not care about you, but that is not necessarily true.

An emotionally unavailable man can care deeply for you but not understand how to express it. However, once he begins to comfort you when you are sad or hear bad news or take care of you after a hard day, you will learn that his feelings for you are growing.

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It won’t happen overnight with an emotionally unavailable man. Still, if you are genuine with how you feel about him, he will start to reciprocate your feelings. Although he might not show it in a way you want him to, he will care nonetheless.

9. He talks about the future with you

A conversation about the future is a once in a blue moon thing with an emotionally unavailable man. Still, it will happen when he’s falling for you, and it might take a while for him to want to be in a relationship.

So if you are dreaming of him saying how much he likes you and wants you to be his only one, you could be waiting forever. These conversations may never come in the package with someone emotionally unavailable.

When you talk about your relationship, he might say, “I am happy with how things are going with us, and I want to keep seeing you.” But, believe it or not, it is a big step for an emotionally unavailable man.

The key with an emotionally unavailable guy as a partner is not to constrain him. Once he begins to feel pressured, you will accomplish the opposite of what you want. He will recoil, and you may need to start over again. It is not easy being with a man like this, but you can have an incredible relationship with him if you are patient.

The key with an emotionally unavailable guy as a partner is not to constrain him. Once he begins to feel pressured, you will accomplish the opposite of what you want. Click To Tweet

10. He wants to work on relationship issues

When you approach an emotionally unavailable man concerned about your relationship, he will prefer to fix things if he is truly interested in you. He is no longer brushing off problems that he had in previous relationships just because they require hard work. Instead, he is now willing to talk about them and do what he can to ensure the relationship progresses because he has feelings for you.

He won’t rent a plane and write in the sky, “I love you.” He might not be the one who initiates the relationship conversation, but he will take the time to listen and to put in the effort you both deserve. When an emotionally unavailable person does this, you are on the right path, and the guy is serious about you. Remember that emotional unavailability can come from avoiding attachment, which is also something to consider.

A relationship with an emotionally unavailable man won’t look how you think it should look. In the same way, him showing love will not look the way you imagined it. Still, when he buys you flowers or shows up with your favorite food, enjoy and appreciate it.

When an emotionally unavailable guy does talk about relationship issues, it is a big deal for him and one of the signs he is falling for you.

11. He introduces you to his family

Introducing you to his family is a big deal for an emotionally unavailable man, and it is important to him. This introduction will take longer than in a typical budding relationship because this is an emotional experience for him. He will avoid exposing himself as vulnerable until he is sure of his feelings for you.

Once this type of man introduces you to his family, he becomes open to questions about you and what kind of future you may have together. He will be facing some of his fears by choosing to show others he has feelings for you.

Don’t overthink it if this has not yet happened in your relationship with an emotionally unavailable man. He needs time to learn more about you before making such a big step.

12. He includes you in work events

work party

In a typical relationship, taking a date to a party or company BBQ is no big deal. Of course, this will take more time with an emotionally unavailable man, but you will know you mean a lot to him when he does it.

In the same sense as a family introduction is important, introducing you to coworkers exposes an emotionally unavailable guy to being questioned by his colleagues. In addition, he will now have accountability to his coworkers if things don’t work out between the two of you.

He will be facing his fears and feeling like a failure if the relationship ends. However, if a man takes you to work events, you are more than just a casual fling to him.

13. He keeps in touch with you

When you meet him, an emotionally unavailable man will most likely have a few women in his rolodex who he is not emotionally attached to or invested in. He may be busy during the day and evenings trying to send messages to other girls and play cool to avoid getting hurt again.

That’s why when you first meet, he could be hit or miss. But when he is consistent and texts you first, he calls daily, sends memes on social media, feels it for you, and wants to keep in touch with you because he wants to have your attention. Slowly the other women he has been talking to will fade away because he is falling for you. But it’s good to remember that although he has feelings for you and keeps in touch, there will be days he is off in his world, and that’s ok!

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If a man takes you to work events, you are more than just a casual fling to him. Click To Tweet

14. He has your favorite things at his place

Waking up at another person’s house without your favorite coffee, creamer, or shampoo is no fun. Although you like staying with him, sleeping near him, and seeing his face first thing in the morning, it can be uncomfortable when your essentials are not within reach.

Once an emotionally unavailable man starts to have feelings, he will gradually pick up the things you have mentioned that you like and will have them at his place when you stay over. Jumping in the shower, you may suddenly see your favorite body wash or the kind of toothpaste you prefer on the sink. When the man has feelings, he will want you to be comfortable. He might not be good with words, but his actions will speak volumes.

It is important to remember that even if he gets a few things wrong when trying to make you comfortable, give him the credit he deserves for trying. Building up an emotionally unavailable man will help him to realize he is in for the long haul.

15. He supports your career choices

Like many other women, you want the man you are in a relationship with to support you in your career. When an emotionally unavailable man asks questions about your job, recognizes your coworkers’ names in your stories, or asks questions about a project you are working on, you will know he’s invested in your life. It is a great sign he is thinking of you as a partner and not just another girl he talks to.

Of course, this will take time, but eventually, it will happen. If you are talking about your day and you sense the man is not listening, redirect him back to you without judgment and let him know you want to say something important to you. At times men like that need you to tell them precisely what you expect from them.

16. He knows your shoe size

womans legs in high heels

Ok, maybe not exactly shoe size, but the little details for someone emotionally unavailable matter. This man will be paying attention to the places you like to shop, and he will know your favorite cookie place and the TV shows you like to watch. He will become interested in your suggestions to try a new cafe, pizza restaurant or even get tickets to the museum you want to go to, which will get your attention.

You will learn that he is paying attention to the places you suggest and gifting you things you always wanted. An emotionally unavailable man may not express feelings with words, but he will pay attention to your likes and dislikes.

17. He asks questions to get to know you

Often, an emotionally unavailable man will keep the focus on himself, especially in the beginning. But as his feelings begin to grow, he will want to know more about you.

So first, he will ask a few personal questions and then a few more. It is expected that someone looking for a partner will want to know more about you and what makes you tick, rather than avoid you, even if he is emotionally unavailable.

He will want to see if you’d be a good fit for him for the long term. You will start to notice he shows more interest in you. As you talk about your day, he will ask follow-up questions and care about what you are saying.

Pay attention to the way he listens to you and the words he is using. When choosing a life partner, this process can’t be rushed, especially for someone emotionally unavailable.

Often, an emotionally unavailable man will keep the focus on himself, especially in the beginning. But as his feelings begin to grow, he will want to know more about you. Click To Tweet

18. He wants you around him

When a love bug bites an emotionally unavailable man, he will find it difficult to stay away from you. He might not cover his bed in rose petals or shower you in champagne, but he would want you around.

Whether it’s going on a store run, picking up the mail, driving him to his haircut appointment, or sitting close by watching a documentary, this man is going to see if you are available to do new things with him.

Women love to run an errand with the man they are in a relationship with. He will call to see if you have plans, or he might even ask you to come over to help him with something.

Emotionally unavailable men want love and the closeness of a woman they can build a life with, but they have difficulty opening up and showing emotion. It pushes most women away because they don’t spend enough time understanding the man they are dating. So take your time, enjoy his company, and learn about his past, and you could find the most incredible man behind the wall of toughness he has built.

Kelly is a certified Relationship and Dating Coach and the founder of Be Brave Coaching. After being a toxic wife and then suffering herself at the hands of an abuser, Kelly found herself in a recovery program where she recovered from codependency, anger, and control issues. Years later, she released her first book 'Signs in the Rearview Mirror Leaving a Toxic Relationship Behind' which is her story of leaving toxic relationships with her mother, her ex, and herself behind.

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