signs he is fighting his feelings

If you’ve been dating or hanging out with a guy, you may be wondering, “does he have feelings for me?” I’ve had guys fighting their feelings for me before. Once, I had two guys sending me signals at the same time. However, they both acted utterly different. One guy was a bit more evident while the other one was a little harder to figure out. I will share my observations about surefire signs he is fighting his feelings for you.

Why do guys fight their feelings?

Before I share the list of signs he is avoiding his feelings, let’s explore some of the reasons he may be avoiding them. If a guy is secretly in love with you, he may not admit it to anyone—even to himself. This may seem strange, but there are all kinds of reasons a guy may be fighting his feelings for you.

He may be scared of rejection. Rejection is a hurtful experience, even for the most confident people. If you are already friends with him, he may be scared to voice his feelings for fear of losing you as a friend.

If he is in a relationship, it’s possible that he’s fighting his feelings to avoid sabotaging his relationship or hurting his girlfriend. It may be inconvenient for everyone involved, but unfortunately, it is common to have a crush on someone outside your relationship.

Another possibility is that he is not ready for commitment at this time. He may be focusing on his career, recovering emotionally from a recent break-up, or simply working on himself and learning how to be happy with just his own company.

Whatever his reasons to fight his feelings are, it can be very frustrating for you to decipher them.

Signs he is fighting his feelings for you

Whether you are just friends, have been on a few dates, or have been hooking up with each other casually, a man can catch feelings!

While it is not always ideal for someone to reveal their feelings for you, it may be worth letting him know if you feel the same way back. Even if a relationship isn’t the most convenient thing for him currently, if you really like each other, you may make things work.

But how do you tell if a guy is fighting his feelings? There are many signs he’s fighting his feelings for you—once you have noticed a few or more, it’s up to you what to do with that information!

1. He stares at you

When I say he stares at you, I’m not referring to that creepy, stalkerish kind of stare. You’ll know what I mean when you see it. It has a sweet and innocent look to it,: soft, gentle, and happy all at the same time.

It’s also worth noting that you may only catch a short glimpse of him staring at you. Why is that? Quite simply, men get super embarrassed when they are caught in the staring act. As soon as they see that you noticed them staring at you, they will instantly retreat, look away, and act as if nothing happened.

It is a typical behavior of shy men. Now, men like my husband are the opposite: they might go out of their way to make eye contact with you. They usually don’t have intentions of creeping you out, they just want you to notice them, but they don’t know how to express that in words.

Men get super embarrassed when they are caught in the staring act. Click To Tweet
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2. He is protective

If a man is protective of you, that’s probably one of the most obvious signs that he likes you or at least cares for you. Having an older brother and my dad around taught me a lot about this.

Furthermore, it’s only a natural part of a man’s genetics for him to be protective of the women in his life that matter the most to him. Heck, this is even evident by watching the way male animals protect their females on Animal Planet.

Being protective of you is brilliant, but you should always make sure he doesn’t take things too far and become over-protective. If he tries to prevent you from being independent or gets very jealous or even aggressive when you spend time with others, this is a huge red flag!

3. He’s either attentive or ignoring

Typically, when a guy has a crush on you but is trying to hide it, he will treat you very nicely. He won’t bring up other girls around you, and he will even go as far as focusing on you entirely. However, depending on the day or the mood he is in, he may resort to ignoring you completely. He may come across as being cold and detached. Rest assured, this is likely not the case.

Probably he has realized that by being so nice to you, he has given himself away. As a result, he ends up pulling himself away, possibly out of fear that he may get hurt or because he worries that you don’t have the same feelings for him.

4. He gets jealous

You may wonder, what right does he have to feel jealous of you talking about other guys around him? I mean, it’s not like you guys are dating or anything. Well, here’s the thing. The reason why he would be jealous about you talking about other guys is not related to the guy you’re talking about, but more to him. In simpler words, he’s insecure.

Think about it for a second. If you bring up another guy in your conversation, he may think “Oh gee, this girl is out of my league. If she’s talking about how awesome this other guy is, I guess I don’t stand much of a chance.” It tends to be a more common train of thought among shy or low self-esteem men. Perhaps this guy has been hurt in the past, and therefore he’s a bit more cautious about pursuing a serious relationship

You may wonder, what right does he have to feel jealous of you talking about other guys around him? Click To Tweet

5. He asks you questions

If he wants to know everything about you—where you grew up, what your favorite food is, what TV show you are obsessed with, this is one of the signs he is fighting his feelings for you. Constant questioning (to the point where it may become annoying!) is common among guys who have a significant interest in you and uncommon with guys who don’t.

If he responds to your answers with compliments, this is another sign to look out for. However, this could also be a red flag, as some men are just looking for a “hit and run.” Make sure you analyze the situation a little more before diving headfirst into cold water.

6. He listens to what you have to say

Often, men are not as into long conversations as we are. Most men politely zone out when a woman says something to him that either bores him or annoys him. However, if he happens to like the girl talking to him, he will take an extra initiative to listen to what she has to say.

The reason for this? Quite simply, you are someone of interest to him. Anytime someone exciting starts talking to you, you would be all ears too! You can tell if he is actively listening to you by his memory and body language (more on these things in the next two signs!).

7. He remembers things that you tell him

Suppose a guy actively listens to you and finds importance in what you say. In that case, he is more likely to remember things than if he was only listening out of politeness. If he remembers a seemingly minor detail you shared weeks ago, this may be the case.

He “just happens to remember” your favorite song when putting on music at a party? He buys you your favorite snack when you don’t even remember telling him what it was? These could be signs he’s in love with you! If you’re asking yourself, “is he fighting his feelings for me?” then try and remember instances when he may have done this or something similar.

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8. His body language gives him away

Body language speaks louder than words. However, just like everyone has a different personality, they also have a different way of expressing their feelings through their body language.

Some men might trip over themselves and suddenly become clumsy when they see you while other men might stumble over their words. However, both signs are indicators that a guy likes you.

Some guys are simply very shy, and this does not necessarily mean that he’s in love with you. They may just be a little awkward around people in general! However, if he seems confident around others but stammers and blushes just around you, this is one of the signs he is fighting his feelings for you.

9. He makes excuses to talk to you

When a man has feelings for someone, he wants to talk to them as much as possible! If he calls or messages you with no apparent reason, this is one of the signs he caught feelings.

However, he may be aware that calling up out of the blue “for no reason” might give the game away. He may go for a less direct approach and contact you often about seemingly innocent things like work or school. Men who have feelings for you often lead with basic conversation starters before moving the conversation to other topics.

10. His friends tease him

If the guy has told his friends about his crush, they may start teasing him as soon as you walk into the room. When this happens, he may respond to his friends in a certain way. For example, he might blush and become embarrassed. Another possibility is that he may even yell at his friends or become angry or annoyed with them.

However, if he’s fighting his feelings, he may have kept them to himself and told no one. He might even overcompensate around his friends by speaking to you like you were “one of the guys” or even mentioning other women he finds attractive. Either of these extremes can be signs he’s fighting his feelings.

11. He suddenly starts avoiding you

While sometimes guys who have feelings for you will deliberately try to spend a lot of time with you, at other times, they may altogether avoid you. This is especially common if he’s really fighting his feelings and trying not to give in to them. He may be with someone else and trying to avoid temptation and emotional conflict by distancing himself from you.

After a period of friendliness, sudden avoidance is one of the most common signs a married man is fighting his feelings for you. Even if he is single, he may avoid you because he is afraid of his attraction growing stronger and is trying to fight his feelings with distance.

After a period of friendliness, sudden avoidance is one of the most common signs a married man is fighting his feelings for you. Click To Tweet

12. He only spends time with you as part of a group

He may be your workmate, classmate, or someone in your group of friends. If he shares shifts, classes, or friends with you, he may not be able to entirely avoid you. He may even want to continue being friends with you but avoid his feelings developing further.

If this is the case, he may impose limits on how he spends time with you. He may choose to only see you in a group or work setting and decline invites to hang out one-on-one. It may feel like he does not like you, but in fact, it could be quite the opposite. If one or both of you is dating someone else, he could be trying to avoid causing concern to anyone’s partner!

13. He buys you things

It’s not about the cost of the gift that he buys you, but about the type of gift. Good friends and coworkers buy little gifts because they are genuinely concerned for you and are looking to cheer you up, or there is a special occasion.

If a guy buys you a pretty necklace, bracelet, watch, candy, or flowers, that’s a typical sign that he is trying to reveal his feelings for you through his actions. Now, if he buys you a bag of your favorite chips, it could be a sign that he has a crush on you, but he’s not quite ready to admit it yet.

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14. He seems nervous in your company

Men do get nervous when they are in the presence of a girl that they like. For instance, when a guy is sitting across from you, watch to see if his legs start bouncing around.

Another thing to look for is fidgeting. Does he touch his face a lot? Does he keep fiddling with his hands? The only reason he acts like that is that he wants to make a good impression, but he isn’t sure what to say or how to behave. However, he may also go to the other extreme.

15. He is extra confident around you

Yep, this seems to contradict the previous sign! However, all men are different and will respond differently to their feelings. If he feels nervous, he may well go the other way and overcompensate by acting like he’s Definitely Not Nervous At All.

Overcompensating around you is one of the classic signs he is denying his feelings, to you, others, or to himself. There are many ways guys overcompensate, but the most common is the next sign.

16. He tries to impress you

Another sign that a guy likes you is that he tries to impress you. Animals, for instance, have a method of courting one another. In many bird species, the male is often the one with the most colorful feathers. The reason for this is so that the male can attract a female mate.

The same can be said about humans. Maybe he wants to impress you with his new car or with his driving skills. Whatever the case may be, don’t necessarily assume that the guy is cocky. Maybe it’s all just a façade to win over your attention.

17. His mood and behavior change frequently

While a man is fighting his feelings, it is usual that he will cycle through various behaviors. For example, he may be extremely friendly and caring one day and very distant the next. He may seem nervous around you, but with sudden performances of confidence.

This change in behavior and emotion is because he is going through a period of emotional conflict. Fighting his feelings is taking its toll on him, and he is probably torn between admitting them and cutting you out of his life. Anyone in this situation knows that it can feel like you are losing your mind!

What to do when he is fighting his feelings for you

And there you have it! These are surefire signs that a guy is fighting his feelings for you. While every man is different and responds differently to feelings, these signs are usually an indication that you mean much more in his life than he would admit.

Men acting differently in any way from how they usually behave around you is something to look out for. He may be the life and soul of the party but blush and stumble on his words when you’re around. Alternatively, he may be a timid wallflower who starts to put on a performance as soon as he sees you enter the room!

There may be a valid reason for him fighting his feelings. If he is (or you are!) in a relationship with someone else, it makes complete sense for him to try to bury these urges. Even though you may even like him back, it is best not to act on it if this is the case. Feelings often come and go, and throwing away a solid relationship to pursue a fleeting crush is usually regretted.

However, it may just be the case that he is simply scared of getting hurt or thinks that you will not like him back. I’ve seen many people hide their feelings from each other and refuse to admit their mutual chemistry! If you’re both single and interested, it would be a shame to miss out on a potential boyfriend.

In life, guys often feel less comfortable sharing their feelings and emotions than women do. If you want to pursue this guy, be patient, and give him a chance to open up to you, but you may need to give him a hint and show some signs back. He may turn out to be a real keeper!

Brittanie is a southern belle born and raised in North Carolina. She of British, Irish and Filipino descent, and she is married to a Filipino man. Brittanie has learned quite a bit about marriage and relationships. She shares her advice on her blog Britta's Walk the Talk.

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