signs he wants you back but is scared

You thought that your past relationship was over and those feelings of sadness over it had finally disappeared. After a period of mourning, you gradually adjust to your new normal. Your tears are fewer and farther between, and you are smiling more than you used to smile. The thought occurs to you that you are moving on, and you give yourself a mental high-five. The idea of finding a new partner crosses your mind every now and again and it seems more appealing.

And then, you start noticing that your ex is popping up in your life a lot more lately. At first, you thought it was kind of random that your aunt casually mentioned to you earlier in the week that she bumped into your ex at the mall and that he asked her if she had seen you lately. It also seems odd that your ex has been reaching out to you more via text, just to say hi. But still, you wonder what it all means. This is what it means; your ex is cautiously testing the waters to see if you two have a future with each other again. Here are five signs he wants you back but is scared to say it to you.

1. He does passive-aggressive things

Years ago, I was happily single after parting ways with a man who I used to be involved with. This guy was someone who I had not completely forgotten about, but I was not actively pursuing him. I thought that he was not actively pursuing me either, but somehow, I received random texts and phone calls from him. Whenever I would ask him why I was getting these phone messages from him, he said that he hadn’t meant to contact me and that it was all a misunderstanding.

Looking back, I see that this guy was playing mind games with me. He wanted to see how I responded to him, but he did not want to be true and open so that we could discuss possibly reconnecting. If your ex is trying to get you to notice him in subtle ways, he is doing this because he wants to be in your life but he does not want to risk getting rejected by you.

2. He keeps in touch with your family and friends

When two people break up, they sometimes fight over who has custody of their mutual friends. However, it is generally understood that you leave with the same friends that you entered the relationship with. When your ex insists on communicating with your friends and family members, it is a clear sign that he is not ready to completely let go of you.

One of my exes still keeps in touch with some of my friends on social media even though we broke up years ago. I mean really… It has been years and he is still trying to reach out to my friends who he would never have met if it had not been for our relationship. There is no reason for your ex to still be holding on to the connection he had with your loved ones unless he hopes that by holding on to people who are close to you, he is holding on to you as well in some way.

3. He reminds you of the good times you both shared

Taking trips down memory lane seems to be your ex’s new favorite hobby these days. He keeps texting you, calling you, and reminding you about all of the things in his world that still remind him of you. Your favorite restaurant, the way you brush your hair, and the special concert that the two of you enjoyed together are always on his mind.

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By reminding you of the good times that you both enjoyed together, your ex is trying to cement his place in your heart. He wants you to remember your relationship was not all bad and that there may be good enough reasons to try again and get back together. Your ex is realizing that your relationship could have worked out differently in the past.

Taking trips down memory lane seems to be your ex’s new favorite hobby. Click To Tweet

4. He blames his texts and calls on the alcohol

It always seems to be a butt dial when your ex-boyfriend’s phone number shows up on your phone. Or at least, that is the excuse that he always gives you. For some reason, your ex-boyfriend always blames his mistakes on the alcohol.

But is that really how it is, or is it just that your ex-boyfriend is trying to test your feelings for him? He knows that you would not respond to his strange texts and voice messages unless you were mildly curious about what was happening in his life. And your ex knows that if there is a spark of interest there, he could find a way to persuade you into giving him another chance.

5. He brags about how well he is doing

There really is no reason for your ex to let you know about how well his life is going unless he wants you to regret not being with him anymore. When a man is secure with his life and his decisions, he feels no need to broadcast his every triumph and success. And really, no man who cared about your feelings would tell you about how perfect his new girlfriend is and ask you if you wish you were still the main woman in his life.

You do not need to be with a man who is pushing your buttons like this. Men who brag about themselves are immature. If your ex-partner was truly over his relationship with you, he would not seek you out to tell you how much better his life is now. If anything, he would be avoiding you and focusing on his future if he was genuinely content with the way his life was going.

6. He refuses to return your personal belongings

When I realized that I was over my former relationship with my ex-boyfriend, one of the first things I did was give away the gifts that he had given to me. The gifts were not extravagant items: some t-shirts, compact discs, and other inexpensive gifts that my former flame had given to me. However, I knew that if I held onto the gifts that I had received, it would be a way for the previous relationship to continue living on in some way. At the time when we broke up, I thought I would never get over “what could have been,” but now, I do not miss that relationship anymore, and I no longer focus on it.

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If your ex is refusing to give you back your personal items that you left at his place, that is a clear sign that he is not ready to let go of you. There can be no other reason for your ex to hold onto your stuff. Even if your ex chooses to hold onto your personal belongings because he is angry and wants to punish you, he is not ready to let go.

7. He makes an effort to improve his behavior

A clear sign that you have moved on from your ex is when you no longer care about whether or not he is making positive changes. A few months ago, my ex approached me with a totally different demeanor than the one he was usually in when we were regularly spending time together. He seemed confident and genuinely happy to see me. You would think that I would have been overjoyed to see the change in my ex, but just the opposite took place. Instead of being happy to see the positive changes in my ex, I felt irritation that he was popping up in my presence. Why was he even around? I was no longer interested in him, and I did not care one iota if he had “changed” or not.

via Giphy

When a man wants you back, he knows that he needs to do something different to capture your attention. Is your ex trying to show you that he is not the way that he used to be? Perhaps he is more interested in showing you that he remembered parts of past conversations that the two of you used to have so that you know that he was paying attention to you and respects your opinions. Your former boyfriend wants you to know that you are worth him changing his behavior for now that the two of you are no longer an item, even though he made no efforts to modify his past behavior when you were together.

8. He texts you to share good memories

When your ex-boyfriend starts blowing up your mobile phone with text messages about all the good times you two shared, it is a clear sign that he is not ready to let go of what you had. His texts are his way of proving to you that your relationship had value and that it is still worth fighting for. Him sending you pictures of the good times that you shared is his way of reminding you that things were not all terrible between you.

One day you may appreciate the memories of what the two of you shared in the past. You may even look at those pictures and smile with gratitude. But when you decided to move on with your life, focusing on the past is not going to help. The man who you used to be with does not want to accept that things did not work out; however, through your actions, you can help him to move on. The best thing to do is not engage with him any further when he brings up the past that the two of you shared.

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9. He praises you to anyone who will listen

Usually, when two people break up, they do not have much to say about each other. When your ex-boyfriend makes it clear to you and your mutual friends that he thinks you walk on water, he is trying to let you know that he still holds you in high regard.

While it is not necessary for exes to trash talk to each other, constantly talking about someone who you are no longer involved with demonstrates the fixation on that person. The fact that your former boyfriend is talking about you all the time is proof that he is still thinking about you.

The fact that your former boyfriend is talking about you all the time is proof that he is still thinking about you. Click To Tweet

10. He takes responsibility for the breakup

Throughout my life, I have found it rare to meet people who admit the mistakes that they made in their relationships. Most of the blame is directed at the other person. It is so rare for me to meet people who take responsibility for why their relationship did not work out, I find it to be a miracle when I encounter people who admit that their actions contributed to their breakups.

There is nothing wrong with your ex taking responsibility for his part in your breakup. You might find it to be a huge relief that he can readily admit where things went wrong. Your ex’s willingness to admit his fault might be his way of letting you know that he would like to try again to rekindle your former relationship now that he understands why things did not work out. Instead of coming right out and telling you that he wants to try again, your ex may be going around it differently by admitting his past mistakes, hoping that he will entice you to consider giving him another chance.

Only you can decide if reuniting with your ex-boyfriend is the right choice for you. While some relationships may be worth a second chance, others are better left in the past. Whatever you decide to do, it is essential not to allow your ex to play mind games with you. When a man is serious about reconnecting with you, he needs to approach you with humbleness and with confidence. Pretending to run into you and your loved ones is not the best way to let you know that you are important to him. You will feel more secure about reconnecting with your ex when you know that he is willing to risk his fears and communicates with you directly about his desires to rekindle the relationship that the two of you once shared.

Akua is a Canadian born and raised girl with Caribbean roots. She is a journalist, actress, music teacher, performer, owner and marketer of 3 worldwide dating websites, as well as an independent Pure Romance business owner selling passion products for singles and couples. Visit her website  AkuaHinds.com to learn more about her.


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