how to get a boyfriend

Having somebody to binge all your favorite TV shows with, make Spotify playlists for, and rant about that annoying girl in class is always fun. But how do you find a guy who’s perfect for you? I prepared some tips for you on how to get a boyfriend and navigate the dating world.

1. Determine what you want

Yes, you want a boyfriend. But ask yourself the question: what do you really want from the relationship? Are you looking for a serious relationship or just a casual fling? Are you even mentally and emotionally ready? You want to make sure you attract guys who are on the same page as you. For example, if you’re going to take a gap year and travel the world while he wants to stay put to focus on his studies and future career, then clearly, this isn’t a match. Or maybe, you want something long-term while he likes shorter, casual relationships.

Whatever it is, get your expectations and boundaries in line before you even start looking for a boyfriend. If you and your potential boyfriend aren’t on the same page, moving further will just waste your time. It doesn’t matter how much you like this guy. If you feel like this guy can’t give you what you want, it’s better to move on and look for somebody else.

You want to make sure you attract guys who are on the same page as you. Click To Tweet

2. Be sure you are ready to date

To start a new relationship, you have to be emotionally available. This means you are completely over your ex, and you’ve dealt with the pain of your last breakup. I mean, how do you start a new relationship when you have another guy on your mind? Or the idea of being emotionally vulnerable with someone still repulses you. You deserve somebody nice, who you can be comfortable with, and who you actually like (and he likes you back).

If you still think of your ex, let me put it this way: when you take out the trash, do you ever go to check on it? If he was meant to stay in your life, he would have, but clearly, that connection wasn’t strong enough. You also don’t want to bring past baggage into the new relationship. You need a relationship that is healthy, happy, and full of harmony.

3. Put yourself out there

young woman chatting on the phone smiling

The first guy you go on a date with may not always be the one. You may go on a few dates with him, but that doesn’t always mean he will end up as your boyfriend. Likewise, if you have plans with a guy for one date, this doesn’t mean you should stop talking to other guys.

When trying to get a boyfriend, you have to meet as many people as you can. No guy should get girlfriend-level loyalty until he is your boyfriend. This is the best mindset to have while dating. Never think of a guy as your boyfriend until he specifically asks you to be exclusive. Until then, keep looking around and talking to other men until you meet someone who’s a perfect match for you.

4. Learn to communicate clearly

To be in a good relationship, you have to be open with the person you like. Relationships often fail because of a lack of communication. So if you really want a relationship to work but have a problem that you need to voice out, don’t be afraid to speak up.

Change isn’t going to happen if you are doing nothing about it. You want to be happy, so a guy needs to know how to make you happy. And the same thing goes for you, as relationships are a two-way street. Be open with what you want and how you feel. If you meet a guy and aren’t open with him, he’ll notice that. It will create a rift between you two.

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If you want a relationship to work but have a problem that you need to voice out, don't be afraid to speak up. Click To Tweet

5. Be honest about your feelings

When you’re dating somebody, it’s important to be as honest as possible. The point of having a boyfriend is to share your life with. So tell him everything that’s on your mind and don’t try to hide anything, especially if you have anxiety or feel uncertainty in the relationship. Yes, sometimes the truth can hurt. But it hurts more not to say anything.

Let’s keep it real: if you’re not honest with a guy from the start, then what’s the point? Men like women who are sincere. Any guy hates being lied to or cheated on just as much as women do. You need to be able to tell him if there are any issues or problems that bother you. The right person for you will take that into consideration and be honest with you in return.

6. Step out of your comfort zone

girl and guy gaming

Don’t be afraid to step out of your comfort zone and try new things! How else can you get a boyfriend if you aren’t interested in trying new things with him? So yeah, you may have to try to play some video games he likes or maybe pick up a golf club. It’s one of the best ways to get to know someone as well.

Besides, how would you not be curious about his hobbies? Keep asking them about all the things that he’s into. This can also show how men react in different situations. It would be a perfect way to see if he is compatible with you. Take the time to look online to find cool new activities to try. At the end of the day, the two of you might have a new hobby you share together, which also means having something in common.

7. Be your authentic self

This is the most crucial piece of advice I could give you. Be yourself! People love when you’re authentically you. Wear the clothes you like and act the way you would act around your friends. Men don’t just focus on physical appearances. They love women who have great personalities, contrary to popular beliefs or stories that you see in the movies. You don’t need to make things up or be a fake version of yourself to get a boyfriend. Show your fun, goofy, or nerdy side.

So yes, start that first date with the story of how you embarrassed yourself falling down the stairs. I mean, you want to find someone who suits you, so let them in on your crazy weird life and all your fun stories. That’s what will really attract a guy. People want to get you to understand who you are. Not some fake version that no one likes. I hope you already know that.

You don't need to make things up or be a fake version of yourself to get a boyfriend. Click To Tweet

8. Try online dating

Online dating has become a standard way to meet people. Many people rely on dating apps due to their busy schedules, and there are a lot of apps to choose from based on your preferences and intentions. As long as you know how to be safe, it can be helpful to find someone, especially if you’re shy approaching people in real life. You’re going to want to get a few dating apps, and you can see which one works best for you. For example, Bumble only allows women to message first, and on Hinge, there are fewer people who want casual hookups.

Everyone has apps they love and ones they hate. You’ll meet some great guys online, and it’s just a matter of going through all the potential matches. The online world is full of all kinds of people (catfish and scammers including), so you’ll want to make sure you pay attention to guys’ profiles. Check out what pictures they uploaded and how much effort they put into writing their profile descriptions. That alone can give you a good idea of a person you are about to message. Just remember to be safe and always protect your privacy.

9. Look for opportunities to meet people

young people mingling

As much as online dating is the easiest way to meet guys, it isn’t the only place for finding a boyfriend. Never underestimate that first time you meet someone at a coffee shop. In fact, studies showed that being in a warm place positively influences people’s impression of us, so a coffee shop might be a good idea to meet new people. Think of those meet-cutes you always see in rom-com movies.

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There are so many other great ways to meet people; you just have to keep on the lookout. Think of the things you love to do and find community events where you may find a man with the same interests as you. This can be volunteering in an animal shelter or through club meetings around your neighborhood. I mean, sitting at home and being passive is not exactly how to get a boyfriend.

10. Ask your friends for advice

You might not want to tell everybody around you that you are actively looking for a boyfriend. However, keeping it to yourself is no fun. Plus, it can be nice to go and seek some advice, especially from your best friends! Who knows you better than they do?

If your besties are in the dating game, they can share their dating tips and tricks with you. Or maybe they even have a few attractive guys in mind who are looking for a girlfriend. Your friends care about you, and they will surely help and support you while you are looking for the right person. After all, your future boyfriend will most likely meet and hang out with your friends too, so they want to make sure he is a great guy.

Your friends care about you, and they will surely help and support you while you are looking for the right person. Click To Tweet

11. Don’t ghost guys

Mister Right is not going to fall from the sky. Finding a good boyfriend takes time. In the era of dating apps and online dating, if we lose interest in someone, we tend to just stop texting them and move on to another person. That is a really unfair way to treat people. If you feel like a guy is not a good match for you, it is nice to let him know that rather than just ghost him. You probably would expect the same treatment yourself if the roles would be reversed.

Imagine going out with a guy you really like, and all of a sudden, he just stops talking to you. Not knowing what happened is going to drive you crazy and full of anxiety. Next thing you know, you come up with twenty different reasons why it didn’t work out in your head. Trust me, it doesn’t feel good. Besides, ghosting isn’t an attractive quality as it shows that you don’t have the integrity to be upfront with him. I know having that conversation can be scary, but think of it as removing a splinter from your finger. It might hurt for now, but both of you won’t be in pain anymore after the conversation.

12. Accept rejection

woman reading text message frowning

Dating can be scary. One minute you’re having a great time. The next, you might find yourself being told you’re not the one. It happens! Rejection is a part of the dating game. If you’re always worried about him turning you down, then you’ll never find the one. Some scholars even did a study saying that the more comfortable you are with rejection, the more successful you’ll be in your dating life!

You’ll have to accept that you won’t find the perfect guy right away. Besides, you’ll be doing some of the rejecting yourself. Just think of it this way, all that rejection will lead you to a relationship that you love. Dating just takes time. Don’t look at rejection as a sign to stop your quest for love. If you ever get discouraged from pursuing men because of this, just remember that rejection is redirection. View it as a step to get closer to a boyfriend.

13. Don’t get boy crazy

It is exciting when you start dating. You meet a few guys, you have many stories to share, and you may even have a crush on someone. Dating guys may become the only topic you want to talk about! If your friends feel like men are the only thing on your mind, it will drive them crazy! After listening to your rambles about guys all the time, they may even stop caring about your love quests at some point.

Don’t get boy crazy and try not to forget that there are other things in life you can occupy your mind with. Remember that you don’t need a boyfriend. Guys don’t have to become the center of your world just because you are ready for a relationship. Finding a boyfriend can be one of your top priorities, but remember to also focus on your studies and future career.

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Guys don't have to become the center of your world just because you are ready for a relationship. Click To Tweet

14. Reflect on past relationships

There is a reason why your last relationship didn’t work out. If you’re ready to have another boyfriend in your life again, it might be good to go back and see what went wrong in the past. Maybe back then, your idea of love is to be as possessive, or maybe you didn’t communicate your needs well enough. By knowing how the past went, it can show you how to make your future better. Even if reflecting on the past is hard, repeating the same mistakes will not help attract suitable boyfriends.

If you’ve been single all your life, it’s still beneficial to reflect on your not-so-good behavior and tendencies. You want to get into a relationship where you can be your best self. Even if you have no clue how to reflect, you can start by being aware of your behavior and be open to self-criticism.

15. Have confidence in yourself

young confident woman with sunglasses

The key on how to get a boyfriend and attract people into your life is confidence. Men love confident women. I mean, if you love yourself, you can love someone else. There are some ways to make yourself feel more confident. For example, wear your favorite color. Hang out in places you’re comfortable in. Think of small things that will help you manifest the inner confidence that you need in your dating life.

One of my favorite things to raise my confidence is to take care of myself through self-love. This means doing the things I like and not caring about what other people say. You’ve got to fill your own cup before you can pour into somebody else’s cup, and that’s what’s gonna help you find the perfect boyfriend.

16. Make sure there’s chemistry

When you find the right guy, the two of you will have a great attraction to each other. Physical, emotional, and mental. The two of you will just get along. You’ll wonder where he was you’re whole life and be happy you two were both single at the same time.

Other times you might meet a guy you just don’t have that special feeling for, even if he’s funny and attractive. Something in your gut just says it does not feel right, and you don’t really like him. You can’t think of why or give any reasons. If you are questioning the connection and chemistry between you, he is not the right guy for you. Trust your intuition that will help you meet the right person.

If you are questioning the connection and chemistry between you, he is not the right guy for you. Click To Tweet

17. Forget the dating rules

Often you’ll hear about the third date rule or twelfth date rule when it comes to dating. When searching for a recipe for dating success, you’ll find so much different advice on the internet. However, it won’t help you get a boyfriend. You will just keep browsing until you find the answer you like best.

You have to go at your own pace. Give it time. Do what feels right for you. If you like a guy and want to kiss him on the first date, go for it. If you want to go further than kissing, then do it! I mean, who says you can’t or shouldn’t. As long as you do it when it feels right to you and you feel safe. It is your life, and you create your own rules for it!

18. Put in extra effort

And last but not least: if you like a guy that you met, put in some effort. You don’t have to wait until a man makes the move texting you first, inviting you on a date, or organizing your entertainment.

If you really want to get a boyfriend, be brave and take the next step yourself. Show initiative, invite him for a picnic or to the movies. This extra effort will actually show him you’re interested. So take the chance and plan the perfect date with him. It will show him that you are confident, enthusiastic, fun to be with, and perfect girlfriend material.

Getting a boyfriend doesn’t have to be hard. Just remember to trust your instincts and feelings on what is right and what is wrong. Apply these tips when looking for a boyfriend, be open to saying hello to attractive strangers, and get ready to say goodbye to your single life!

Brenda is relationships and lifestyle writer, coffee enthusiast, and a lover of new experiences. You’ll usually find her in a coffee shop with her laptop and a flat white scribbling down an article or searching for the next travel destination.

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