You hear a lot about romantic compatibility based on their zodiac signs. Many resources are written by astrologers and those who study astrology about what zodiac signs get along well and which ones would be challenging together. However, have you ever heard about couples’ Enneagram compatibility?
What is the Enneagram?
The Enneagram is a nine-pointed diagram that describes each of the nine personality types. It maps these personality types out to illustrate how the types get along and relate to each other. Enneagram comes from the Greek words ennéa (ἐννέα), which means “nine”, and grámma (γράμμα), which means “written” or “drawn”.
Your Enneagram type defines your core beliefs, your perspectives, and your motivations. It also tells about your views on the world as well as the others around you. The purpose of this tool is for self-awareness as well as spiritual growth. Once you understand the Enneagram well, you will begin to understand why others around you behave the way they do, why you get along with certain people, and why you don’t with others.
Also, just like your horoscope, your Enneagram type will determine what kind of personality type your ideal partner should have.
What are the enneagram types?
When you read about the enneagram types, you may immediately recognize yours if you are not aware of it already.
Enneagram is not the same as the Myers-Briggs Personality Type system you may be used to already. The latter classifies personalities into sixteen different types, whereas the Enneagram theory defines nine different personality types. The most significant difference between those two theories is that the Enneagram theory focuses more on nurture, and Myers-Briggs theory focuses on nature.
Now, does that mean your Enneagram type doesn’t indicate your natural personality type? Not at all. However, the belief is that your personality is shaped by both nurture and nature.
Let’s go over the nine Enneagram types and what they are about. The one that you relate to the most is likely your Ennea-type.
Type 1: The Reformer
Enneagram Type 1 or the Reformer is a perfectionist. They have incredibly high standards and have a strong sense of discerning right from wrong. Loyalty in relationships is what the Reformer is known for, but they can be downright picky when choosing a partner.
Enneagram Type 1 in love requires a lot of reassurance that they are appreciated for who they are. They are hard on themselves, and they need external validation. The Reformers are likely to be attracted to a person who values their advice that will reinforce their self-esteem.
While Type 1 is trying to be rational, in the relationship, they are looking for spontaneity and opportunity to let their inner child out.
Type 2: The Helper
Enneagram Type 2 or the Helper always puts their own needs last. They are the ones to help out as much as possible and they go to great lengths to do so. However, there is one downside to being a Helper. They often have low self-esteem, and they won’t be happy if they think they are not appreciated.
Enneagram Type 2 in love is caring and generous. They will make their partner feel special, and they are highly nurturing. The Helper will be the one to invite their date over for dinner and make them a comforting homemade meal. However, Enneagram type 2 in relationships can get pretty intense to the point of being clingy, possessive, and even passive-aggressive. From their partner, they expect honesty, loyalty, and commitment.
Type 3: The Achiever
Enneagram Type 3 or the Achiever is energetic and goal-oriented. They are highly competitive and want to be the best at what they do. They want to be the best looking and the fittest in their social circle, and they want to be known as the best influencer in their field. When you go to the Achiever’s home, don’t be surprised to see plenty of trophies they won lined up somewhere visible.
Type 3 needs a significant other to tell them how proud they are about their accomplishments. They need an independent partner, and they can’t stand drama. The Achiever is not the easiest type to be with, as they have high standards and expectations.
However, Enneagram Type 3 in relationships is known to be encouraging, giving, and motivating. Achievers yearn for unconditional love from their partner so they can relax and let their guard down.
Type 4: The Individualist
Enneagram Type 4 or the Individualists are creative and are in tune with their emotions. They are also known as romantics who enjoy arts, poetry, writing, and music. When you go to their home, you may notice dark tones and unusual artworks. The Individualists seek validation of their uniqueness, so they appreciate genuine compliments and words of encouragement.
Enneagram Type 4 in relationships is highly compassionate and empathetic. However, they do struggle with moments of melancholy, mood swings, and envy. Often overly emotional and sensitive, the Individualists need a calm and patient partner who can withstand their melancholic periods and acknowledge their emotions.
Type 5: The Investigator
Enneagram Type 5 or the Investigator is the cerebral kind. They are also known to be observers. However, this type does not like to mingle with people. They want to stand back, watch the world and do their research from a distance. Don’t be surprised if the Investigator does not invite you to their home for a while as they are extremely private.
The Investigators are often introverted, so they need a partner who can respect their need for privacy and is not pushy. Enneagram Type 5 in relationships need space to process their feelings, and they will come out when they are ready.
You would think this is the least-romantic type; however, if Enneagram Type 5 connects with you well, then you will be in for a treat as they can be quite passionate in bed.
Type 6: The Loyalist
Enneagram Type 6 or the Loyalist, is quite anxious. They desperately want relationships and don’t like being alone. However, it takes them a long time to trust others. They don’t like to budge from their comfort zones, and they also will take a long time to hook up with a partner. However, once they earn your trust, you never have to worry about them straying as they are incredibly loyal.
Enneagram Type 6 romantic relationships are founded on trust and solid support. The Loyalist’s ideal partner is someone who won’t react to their anxiety and remind them that they are loved. Type 6 tend to analyze every situation, and they need a partner who can talk things through in the relationship. They often need a gentle nudge or encouragement from their partner to take action.
Type 7: The Enthusiast
Enneagram Type 7 or the Enthusiast is the one who lives for excitement. They are always looking forward to trying the newest and most exciting thing. Traveling, going on one adventure after another, and adrenaline is what the Enthusiast seeks.
Like in any other area of their life, Enneagram Type 7 in love doesn’t like being restricted. They will only be willing to commit if they see that their partner is up for adventures. The Enthusiast needs someone who is stimulating and who can keep up with them. Their ideal partner shouldn’t be clingy and should respect the Enthusiast’s independence.
However unstoppable the Type 7 may seem, they long for a relationship that would feel like a shelter from all the turbulence of life.
Type 8: The Challenger
Enneagram Type 8 or the Challenger is dominant and likes to be in charge. They are the ultimate leaders, and they tend to live for power. The Challengers are very protective of those they love and those who cannot defend themselves, such as children, animals, the disabled, and the elderly.
The Challenger has a tough exterior, they don’t like being told what to do, and they speak in a very assertive way. Just like in other areas of life, Enneagram Type 8 in relationships can be controlling. However, as tough as they are, they need to be reminded that they are loved, and they seek someone who acknowledges their soft side and allows them to be vulnerable.
Type 9: The Peacemaker
Enneagram Type 9 or the Peacemaker is known to be a people-pleaser who wants peace and calmness around them. They tend to be the ones who enjoy taking things easy, and they do not like confrontations.
The Peacemakers will often sacrifice their own needs to avoid conflict. They crave physical and emotional comfort, and they want to be heard and acknowledged. Enneagram Type 9 in love makes good partners as they easily adjust to the other person and go with the flow.
The Peacemakers tend to neglect their own needs, but it is more of a case where they don’t speak up and allow others to use their voice instead. Type 9 can be too sensitive, taking things personally, so they need a partner who understands that.
What enneagram types are the most compatible?
If you have been having one bad relationship after another, chances are your Enneagram compatibility wasn’t the best as some Enneagram types in relationships get along better than others. Are you wondering what the ideal Enneagram matches are? Let’s explore what types are the most compatible!
Reformers compatibility with Helpers (Type 1 & Type 2)
The Reformers (Type 1) have a rigid and perfectionist way of being. However, they are highly dependable and loyal. Therefore, they would need to be with someone who can be dedicated to them and give them the warmth they need. That is why the Helper (Type 2) is an excellent match for the Reformer. They enjoy giving and nurturing, and they also are calming. They will calm the Reformer down if they are getting too uptight and anxious and provide them with the warmth that they need.
Helpers compatibility with Challengers (Type 2 & Type 8)
The Helpers (Type 2) are naturally nurturing, compassionate, and caring, but they don’t express their needs well. They tend to get angry if they feel slighted. That is why Challengers (type 8) are the right partners for them. Helpers can teach Challengers to step into their power and help them speak up when they need something.
In a relationship, Enneagram Type 2 appreciates the efforts and sacrifice of Type 8. They support and admire each other, and even though they often have opposite views and cover different bases in life, they complement each other’s strengths.
Achievers compatibility with Peacemakers (Type 3 & Type 9)
The Achievers (Type 3) do well with the Peacemakers (Type 9). There is a line on the Enneagram model that goes from 3 to 9, which indicates a mutual understanding. Type 3 is naturally driven and competitive and always has to work towards something better. Type 9 tends to do the opposite as they need calmness.
Therefore, the Achievers can help the Peacemakers slow down and rest to be more effective at what they do. And the Peacemakers can help the Achievers become motivated. It is a win-win pair.
Individualists compatibility with Investigators (Type 4 & Type 5)
The Individualists (Type 4) match well with Investigators (Type 5). Individualists are known to be emotional and sad and can quickly lose touch with reality based on that alone. However, Type 5 is not the passionate type, but rather cerebral and logical, which can frustrate Type 4. Regardless, the Individualists serve as an anchor for the Investigators when they start losing control of their emotions.
The Investigators will help the Individualists swing back to reality with their logic and their objective views. That is really what the Individualist needs to remain as stable as possible.
Investigators compatibility with Reformers (Type 5 & Type 1)
The Investigators (Type 5) do well when they partner with the Reformers (Type 1). Type 5 is known to be detached as they rely on logic and are private. Therefore, it takes them time to process their emotions. The Investigators are an excellent match to the Reformers because they are independent and not demanding, which Investigators accept.
Enneagram type 5 are not judgmental and are steady. The Reformers happen to like that as well. Therefore, the Investigators can quickly build a strong connection based on trust, which is the foundation for any lasting relationship.
Loyalists compatibility with Peacemakers (Type 6 & Type 9)
The Loyalists (Type 6) are naturally suspicious, doubtful, and anxious. They want to trust someone and be in a committed relationship. However, the one thing that makes it difficult for them is how fearful and cynical they are. Loyalists stick to their comfort zone like glue because they have severe trust issues.
The Peacemakers (Type 9) are the best-suited partners for the Loyalists. Peacemakers are calming, soothing, caring, and Loyalists will deem them trustworthy. The Peacemakers are the least known of having any ulterior agenda or motive. That is why this couple has the best shot of working.
Enthusiasts compatibility with Peacemakers (Type 7 & Type 9)
Enthusiasts (Type 7) are also a good match for Peacemakers (Type 9). The Enthusiasts experience so much anxiety about the present moment that they have to look forward to the future. The Peacemakers need to have something exciting to focus on, which takes them away from the present moment.
Peacemakers are agreeable and will go along with what the Enthusiasts want to do. If the Enthusiast wants to travel the world, the Peacemaker will gladly go along with what the Enthusiast intends to do and support their vision.
Challengers compatibility with Peacemakers (Type 8 & Type 9)
The Challengers (Type 8) are overly confident, have intense energy, and can come off as aggressive. This Enneagram type is also very protective. The Peacemakers (Type 9) happen to be attracted to this type as they find excitement with those who have a lot of passion and energy.
The Peacemakers know how intense the Challengers can be, and they know how to calm them down. The Challengers do need that type of calmness.
Peacemakers compatibility with Reformers (Type 9 & Type 1)
Peacemakers (Type 9) tend to allow things to slide, and they are the least anxious of all of the Enneagram types. Peacemakers need order in their lives, and the Reformers (Type 1) are the perfect partners for them because they will provide them with the structure they require.
The Reformers often have their inner-critic taking over, and the Peacemakers can reassure them that they are good enough.
When you have figured out your Enneagram type, you should have a much better idea of the personality type you want to find. If you are with a partner and you think that their Enneagram type is not the right match, that does not mean ditching them. That only means you have more compromises to make with them and to work harder for your relationship to work.