Has a man who ghosted you for weeks reappeared as if nothing has happened? You were beginning to heal and were attempting to move on and here he is, texting you casually. “What does he want from me?” you might be wondering. Let’s find out why ghosters always come back and how to deal with it.
How long does it take for ghosters to come back?
The ghosters can disappear for any period before deciding to show up again. A few days of silence isn’t enough to qualify as ghosting. A ghoster might return after several weeks, months, or even years.
I assume you are interested in learning what percentage of ghosters return after disappearing. Even though no statistics provide an estimate, some ghosters eventually return.
Guys ghost and return because they want something from you or feel lonely. They may return acting as if everything is fine, not reflecting on their mistakes. Thinking you would accept them immediately being an emotional fool.
Those who play games manipulating other people’s emotions appear to act in ways that are fairly typical of returning behavior. Thanks to social media and dating apps, people learned to ignore others. Ghosting is most common in online dating but can occur with friends, strangers, or loved ones.
Leaving aside the negatives, sometimes the hasty way that ghosters end things may make them think from your point of view. It leads them to assume it would have been challenging if they had been ghosted.
If the ghosters feel guilty or embarrassed about how things turned out, they may conclude not to contact you again. Now let’s look at why ghosters always come back into your life.
15 reasons why ghosters always come back
You undoubtedly have many questions when a man ghosts you and then comes back. You are puzzled as you have no idea why this is happening now.
He came back, but why? If he wanted to return, why did he initially ghost you? Do you carry on communication with this guy, or do you choose to ignore him? No wonder you are unsure of whether to be happy or anxious.
There is a simple answer for when a guy ghosts you that he isn’t interested in you, but when he comes back, you never know his intention. Was he busy? Was he doing it intentionally? Should you give him a second chance? Are you a rebound for him? His return could have both good intentions and bad intentions.
Being ghosted when dating is not the best feeling, especially if you have started developing feelings for a man. Some guys are such cowards that they vanish rather than face the situation with dignity. Let’s examine the most prevalent reasons why ghosters return.
1. They think of you as their backup plan
Do you have a gut feeling this man is committed to someone? But why would he attempt contacting you again all of a sudden? Although it might seem strange, one of the main reasons ghosters come back is to keep you as a fallback option if they break up with their girlfriend.
Being in a committed relationship might have been why he walked away silently. However, relationships get boring, and having a side chick can be an appealing option for him.
If you give him a second chance, this vicious cycle will continue. He will keep on hurting you and you will be the one to blame. You can avoid this situation if you don’t allow him to return to your life.
2. They don’t realize it was wrong
Is it possible that a man is not aware that ghosting is wrong?
As our upbringing varies, he may not be aware that his behavior is rude and may hurt you. He might not even realize the consequences of his disappearance as he did it unintentionally.
He might not understand how important it is to reply to texts. He might think texting back a few days or weeks later is acceptable. Or he may not even text back to you until you follow up on your texts.
You’d probably go insane wondering how he could stop texting and then casually resume the conversation weeks later as if nothing had happened.
If a guy is unaware of his flaky behavior, bringing it up and telling him how you feel is the only way to go forward.
3. They miss you
Yes, he might have come back because he genuinely misses you. He was attracted to you even before ghosting you as you had characteristics he liked. But he decided to ghost you as he wasn’t sure about you.
And now he is back because he did miss the way you made him feel. He might have wanted to move on when he ghosted you but you remained on his mind.
And right now, all he wants is to talk to you again. He misses you and he might be regretting he ghosted you.
It’s up to you to give this guy a second chance. However, watch for the red flags; he might ghost you again if he starts doubting his feelings.
4. They are ready to commit
You might be wondering why a man ghosted you in the first place if he genuinely wanted to commit. His interest in you wavered before, but now he wants you back.
You might have given up on him, yet here you are, trying to determine his real intentions. You cannot rule out the possibility that he is genuinely interested in you.
We occasionally realize the true value of something when we lose it. He may have admitted his feelings and he wants a relationship with you.
It’s normal to doubt him as he disappeared without a word in the past. Observe his behavior. He might be ready to commit if he seems sincere and shows initiative.
5. They want a casual relationship
When someone ghosts you, a casual fling is the most common reason to reappear out of the blue. This guy won’t be interested in your life, he wants you for your body.
You can get a gist of a man’s intentions from conversations with him. Observe what he says. If he brings up the topic of intimacy or invites you to his place before he even asks how your day was, he is obviously up for a hookup.
If a casual relationship is not what you want, make him aware of it and see how he responds. If he does not give you a straight answer about his intentions, he will likely ghost you again after he gets what he wants.
6. They are bored
The fact that ghosters return is also frequently attributed to boredom. They vanish when bored with you and reappear when they feel lonely.
A guy might text you to pass the time. He is merely here as you are a source of distraction during dull days. He wants your attention but is not interested in a serious relationship. In simple terms, he is here just for amusement.
He might disappear once again when he has something more interesting to do. He is more interested in you as a source of entertainment.
7. They think you are missing them
Sometimes, men ghost you because they think you don’t care about them. Perhaps you rejected this guy or friend-zoned him, and instead of accepting it, he decided to ghost you?
He might give in and return when he senses you miss him (or he imagines you do). If being with this man is what you want, learn from your mistakes and keep the relationship afloat.
However, if you treat him like a friend and he misunderstands your intentions, it is best to set his expectations so he doesn’t get his hopes up.
8. They think you are always available for them
One of the reasons why ghosters always come back is because they think you are always available for them. Perhaps you are a sympathetic, nice person who struggles to draw boundaries and is always willing to lend a hand, no matter how much a person has wronged you.
This guy might be returning to benefit from your good nature. He views you as someone to turn to whenever he wants or needs comfort because you have always been kind to him. But are you getting anything yourself out of this relationship?
He needs to learn to give, not only to take to be worthy of your time. Stop giving him opportunities because he doesn’t deserve them.
9. They were rejected by someone else
Do you sense that a man who ghosted you was in a romantic relationship? Another woman might have rejected him and now he is looking for a rebound relationship. And you happen to be the one he conveniently reached out to.
He is looking for someone to replace his previous partner. He does not necessarily have feelings for you; he is just not used to being alone and is desperate to fill that void.
While having a man who is free to build a relationship with is better than being the other woman, you need to ask yourself if he reached out to you because he likes you, or purely for selfish reasons. You don’t want to be the fallback option for anyone.
10. They don’t like you moving on
If a man is possessive, he can go to any length to prevent you from moving on with your life. Perhaps he couldn’t find anyone better than you.
He might be stalking you on social media and he may not like it seeing that you are having fun with someone else. He might be jealous that you are happy in a new relationship. It might have hurt his ego and it is a matter of pride for them to reclaim his territory.
He may choose to come back after ghosting you for months. He enjoys having power over you, even if he doesn’t love you. He is not brave enough to commit to you or let you go. Be careful, these are the signs of a true manipulator!
He desires you to be single and readily available when he pleases to make the grand return. Analyze his behavioral patterns to understand whether or not a second chance is fully appropriate. If he keeps doing this, you’ll also be unable to maintain a serious relationship with another person.
11. They feel guilty about ghosting you
Sometimes we don’t recognize someone’s value while they are still in our lives, but we realize what we lost when they are gone. There are rare occasions when even ghosters start feeling guilty.
He left you and realized he had made a huge mistake, and you are the person he wants to be with. He might be feeling that he won’t be able to find anyone like you. Now he regrets ghosting you.
In this situation, the ghoster might show up with an apology to make things right. Be honest with him. Explain how hurtful it was when he disappeared. Try to determine his intentions toward you before accepting him back to your life.
12. They want to use you
Sadly, not all human beings are decent. And if your gut feeling is saying this man reappeared with selfish intentions, this might be the case.
Try to assess what he wants from you. It might be intellectual stimulation, physical gratification, or attending to his emotional needs.
He might be sugarcoating his words to reassure you that he loves you until you start believing he does. Watch out for indications that he is using you by requesting favors, manipulating you, and making you do things you don’t want to do.
A man may gaslight you and make you feel guilty about saying no to him. If you recognize signs that he wants you back for selfish reasons, keep him out of your life.
13. They seek an ego boost
When you cross paths with an attention seeker, he will return after ghosting you to boost their ego and perhaps to brag in front of his friends.
If you are a tough nut to crack, such a guy will come back to prove he can have you. He’ll use this challenge to demonstrate his power.
He feels good that he can play you and leave you anytime. He thinks that the whole world revolves around him. He expects you to be flattered to have him around.
Now that you know that he is here to prove a point, show him that he is mistaken and give him your best response, “Thank you, NEXT!” You are not obligated to help him raise his self-worth.
14. They saw a hot picture of you online
A ghoster is not necessarily gone forever just because he ghosted you a few months or years ago. He might still be stalking you on social media. He gets in touch immediately when you upload a stunning picture of yourself.
Now he became curious about you, and the photo piqued his interest in you again. He might want to know if you are single to reconsider dating you again.
Whether you are still angry with him for ghosting you is something he wants to know. He is testing the waters to see if you take him back into your life.
15. They don’t know what they want
When actively dating, you will almost certainly come across ignorant people. They will be indecisive, play hot and cold with you, and keep you hanging while they come and go as they please. Does it sound familiar to you?
Did this man set up a date with you only to cancel at the last minute, or even worse, he did not show up at all? Some people are indecisive and don’t even think their actions might hurt somebody else’s feelings.
Stop waiting for him to determine what he wants. He might give you excuses that he had a difficult time and wasn’t sure if he wanted to continue the relationship, so he didn’t call or text you. Ask yourself if you need this uncertainty that he brings into your life.
What to do when a ghoster comes back
Now that you know why the man ghosted you, you wonder how to handle the situation. Remember that you are the one who makes the final call.
If you give him a second chance and listen to his story of why he ghosted you, make sure he has a solid explanation for his behavior before reentering your life.
Try to figure out how the ghoster feels now. Someone who genuinely cares about you won’t leave you behind. You deserve a man who respects you. Here are some tips on what to do when a ghoster comes back.
1. Recall the sensation of being ghosted
Regardless of your feelings about the ghoster, his sudden reappearance can upset you. Take into account how it felt to be ghosted. Unless you didn’t care about this guy, you might have been pretty upset with him and the situation.
It would have been hard to accept the fact he vanished if you thought your relationship had some potential. Regardless of how much you liked this guy, it might have hurt you and your confidence.
Remember all the pain and time it took you to heal. Do you think you can truly forgive him and start everything over? Nobody can answer this question better than you, but you must be honest with yourself.
2. Let them know that their actions made you suffer
You might feel compelled to answer your ghoster for several reasons. To formally end things is one motive for responding. You can both find closure by telling him that your relationship is over.
Another reason for confronting him is to point out that what he did was wrong. It’s best to make him acknowledge what he did, rather than brush it off, regardless of whether you aim to rekindle your romance or end your communication.
This man needs to understand that he can’t leave you and come back into your life whenever he wishes to. He went silent leaving you without any explanations and he needs to know that relationships don’t work like that.
3. Don’t reply too soon
If a man ghosted you, he will unlikely call you directly. He is probably afraid to speak to you before testing the waters, so texting you is his safest move.
Don’t rush to respond too quickly when you receive a text from a guy who ghosted you. Allow yourself to process your emotions and determine the best approach.
If you respond right when you receive his text, he will think you are available and maybe even desperate. Align your thoughts and get back to him with a rational rather than emotional response. If anything, you don’t want to show him that his behavior is normal and that you can pick up where you left off.
4. Receive an explanation
He made a serious mistake and he must apologize. If he does not apologize, he is most likely unaware of the seriousness of his mistake. You don’t want to get into a relationship with someone who does not reflect his own actions.
Don’t ask him if anything is wrong with you. Avoiding the subject of what happened does not excuse him from the responsibility. You effectively show him you will tolerate this behavior if you let him back into your life without a proper apology and explanation.
5. Set your standards
If you rekindle your relationship after the man ghosted you, establish firm boundaries to avoid falling a victim to ghosting again. Talk to him about his intentions and dedication to your relationship. Does he really want to be with you?
Even though it happened in the past, you might feel insecure if you get back with this man again. You need to be sure of accepting him back in your life. When talking with him about your relationship, pay attention to your gut feeling. Do you believe what this man is telling you?
Someone who ghosted you has already demonstrated an inability to resolve conflicts positively. Ask yourself if you want to forgive him, forget the pain you went through, and start dating again.
Being ghosted is not a pleasant experience, so if it happened to you, you would want to avoid it again. If you want to revive communication with this man, weigh all the pros and cons before you let him back into your life.