Recently, a friend of mine came to me with a ‘problem’: “I’ve met a new guy, and he texts me every day,” she said, looking overwhelmed and unsure. “What’s up?” I asked. I thought she’d be thrilled that a new guy in her life was texting her every day. Gosh, I’m sure there are plenty of women who would love to be her! Instead, she continued to look pensive: “Well, he texts me every day… does he like me?”
My first instinct was to scream from the rooftops: of course, he likes you! What is wrong with you?! But after sipping some of my mocha and carefully mulling the question over, I realized why my friend looked so concerned. I thought about myself, and how I’d react if I had a new man in my life who texted me every day. I’d probably have the same questions as my friend: Does he genuinely like me, or does he text a whole load of other girls every day, too? To get to the bottom of this annoying little question we’re going to take a look at a few possible scenarios and discuss how to tell if a guy likes you over text.
Scenario 1: He is afraid of being tied down
Texting can be an easy way out for a man who has commitment issues: he doesn’t have to meet up or call, he can just deluge you with texts. For him, there is a distance between the two of you, and he’s under no pressure to call this a relationship. For some men, texting is a sort of safety net. If he doesn’t want a full-on relationship, he can satisfy himself by texting you instead. He still gets lots of pleasure from the conversation, and perhaps he even brags about this ‘relationship’ to his buddies. Then, when he’s had enough, he can turn off the tap.
This scenario should make you angry. You aren’t some guy’s entertainment. You deserve more than that! You deserve a guy who is invested in you and wants to build a relationship. So, if he doesn’t suggest meeting up after a few weeks of texting either cut your loses, or invite him to join you and your friends for an activity (something you are going to, regardless if he’s there or not).
Scenario 2: He is using you to boost his ego
You might not be the only one on his horizon. Some guys have an arsenal of girls on tap that they text, email and call each day. They don’t want to get involved with any of them on a serious level; instead, they just like knowing that they’re all there, ready to answer at the drop of a hat.
“Why is he still texting me if he is not interested?”, you might ask. For some men, this is a huge ego booster. Imagine a guy showing off to his buddy, telling him to look at how many girls he’s texted today? It might sound demeaning – but it happens. Today he might send Sandra a text, while tomorrow he might be in the mood to talk to Alice. If you sense that this might be the case, try not to melt when the guy says he misses you. He expects to hear the same thing from you that will stroke his ego before he texts somebody else to say the same thing.
Scenario 3: Texting is his favorite hobby
I have known lots of guys who are hot for texting. They would send me texts about all kinds of things, from music to film, to travel, to dreams to flirty banter, to the usual chit-chat, such as “how are you today?” and “sleep tight”.
Then I realized that these guys didn’t really dig me that much – they just enjoyed the flirtatious act of texting girls. One of the guys turned out to have at least five other women that he was texting during the same period. And just like he was swamping me with texts, he was also swamping them with texts (I was smart, I became friends with his best friend – bless his honest soul).
If you’re not lucky enough to become buddies with his friends, then listen to your gut. We usually have a pretty good feeling about someone’s true intentions. Does it feel like he’s playing you, or is he really just super duper busy?
Scenario 4: He’s a fly shy guy
However, if he is putting thought and creativity into his texts, and actually investing himself in the messages that he sends you, then there is a chance that he just might be a shy guy. So, go ahead and take the lead. Suggest a phone call, by texting something like “You have such a sexy voice, would love to chat sometime soon…” If he ignores your request and just keeps texting you poetry and sonnets, you might have a great pen pal, but a lousy boyfriend. Decide what you want.
Don’t be afraid to take a peek at his social networks. Does he have friends? What does he like to do? If he is out partying in a crowd full of concert goers at 3 am then maybe your shy guy just has the game. Do your research in order to determine what kind of personality he is.
Find someone who’s on the same page
It is important to remember that texting is a convenient (and cheap) thing to do. It literally takes just a few seconds to compose and send a short message – and he can do it from anywhere at any time. He can fire off a text from a dentists waiting room, from a bus, or even from the bathroom. It demands very little effort from a man to text you every day.
So how to tell if a guy likes you through texting? If he is just sending you mundane, cookie cutter type messages he might be a serial texter and nothing more. Texting for some guys is a way to keep a girl interested – to hook her in, so to speak. But the reality is that they don’t really have any long-term goals. They text because it’s effortless, but they might shy away from investing in making an actual real relationship work. You might want to move from texts and into something tangible, while he might not.
Don’t let this be you
“He texts me every day, does he like me?” is not an easy question to answer, because each man has a different motive. But what’s obvious is that his intentions are unclear, and this should be a deal breaker in and of itself.
Again, this sounds super demeaning. But if a man is texting you each day without actually asking for a meet-up and without pushing the “relationship” in any sort of direction, he might be keeping you hanging on just in case he decides you’re all he’s got, so why not?
You deserve someone who is singing from the same hymn sheet as you, and whose intentions are as clear as crystal. Trying to work out what a man wants is difficult, and time-consuming. If you meet a guy who texts you every day but isn’t moving the relationship forward, I would call it a day and move on.