how to make a guy want you

Is there a handsome, charming guy you’ve got your eye on, but you don’t seem to be spotting any signs of his interest? We’ve all been there. Trying to work out how to make a guy want you can be tricky, and you can drive yourself crazy, trying to get his attention! If you are in this situation, don’t despair! Here you will find tried-and-trusted techniques on how to spark his curiosity.

1. Be an independent woman

You probably find independence in men attractive. Most women prefer a guy who goes his own way and knows what he wants to a needy guy who can’t do anything without help. You may think that men are not attracted to independent women, but this is not true. Independence can be just as charming to men as it is to women.

Being independent doesn’t mean spending all of your time alone and not having friends. Being independent means not seeming like you need other people’s company or approval to be happy. An independent woman shows up at social events and has fun but is just as content to go home alone because she values her own company.

2. Speak his name

Studies have shown that people love to hear their names and they feel an increased emotional connection to those who call them by their names. Using the guy’s name when you speak is a subtle sign that you see him as an individual rather than a group member. This is particularly appreciated if the two of you are part of a larger group of friends or colleagues and haven’t had a one-on-one conversation yet.

There are plenty of different names to call a guy once you are together, but when you are first trying to attract him, his own real name is the best tool you have at your disposal.

People love to hear their names and they feel an increased emotional connection to those who call them by their names. Click To Tweet

3. Touch him

Touch is a powerful sensation. Touching a guy (and I am talking above the belt, at least for now!) can cause an increase in oxytocin and endorphins. These hormones are largely responsible for connection and attraction. It goes without saying, don’t just touch people inappropriately without their permission.

Of course, you may not be in a situation where you have a reason to touch the guy. If he is simply a classmate or a coworker, it may be a little trickier; however, you may still be able to find the way. If you are chatting to him at a bar or cafe, or even lucky enough to be on a date with him, touching his arm is one of a few ways to make him want even more. If he is in the same group of friends as you, you may even be able to give him a hug.

When flirting with the guy is in a more advanced stage, and he clearly responds to your subtle hints, a top tip is to reach directly into his pocket to grab his keys or wallet. This can drive guys absolutely wild.

4. Be mysterious

The mystery is attractive. We are hard-wired to find mystery intriguing, and this applies to who we are attracted to. When the two of you are in a group conversation, you probably don’t want to be the loudest and most talkative person at the table. This doesn’t mean you should stay silent; instead, you should drop clues and only speak when you have something to say. Most men love a puzzle to work out.

Being mysterious does not mean being dishonest—just avoid telling him every aspect of your life story shortly after meeting him. There is an important distinction between being honest and just oversharing.

5. Be unpredictable

If there’s one thing that causes relationships to end or burgeoning romances to fizzle out, it is predictability. Our brains tend to be far more focused and engaged in things and people that are uncertain or unpredictable than they are on predictable routines. If a guy knows every aspect of your schedule and habits, and you do the same thing every day, it is easy for him to lose interest in you.

Being less predictable doesn’t mean living a chaotic life with no structure. Little things can go a long way—why not change your hair every now and then, or suggest a different bar from the one you all go to every night? Whatever you do, don’t make him feel like he can read you like an open book.

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6. Show him that you enjoy life

young people partying

When we see people enjoying life, the natural reaction is to want to be a part of their lives. A guy is more likely to be interested in the girl who shows up to the party ready to have fun than the girl who hides in the corner, looking like she doesn’t want to be there. If you don’t enjoy certain activities, don’t pretend you do—find other activities you enjoy. Meeting a guy at an event that you genuinely love means you won’t have to fake anything, and the two of you will probably have more in common.

This doesn’t mean you should always appear excited or hide any problems or struggles you have in life. Showing him that you enjoy life does not mean pretending you are happy every second. It just means that you should be open about things you love and show that you are fun to be around.

7. Compliment him but don’t put yourself down

Men love to receive compliments as much as women do. Unfortunately, a large number of men report that there are many types of compliments they rarely, if ever, hear. Receiving compliments not only makes us feel better about ourselves but makes us appreciate the person who gave the compliment more. If you like his outfit, let him know. If he says something that you think is interesting, tell him that.

However, ensure that your compliment is not in comparison to yourself. If you put yourself down, this may make a guy feel awkward and is not usually seen as attractive. Instead of “You’re really handsome, I can’t believe you agreed to a date with someone like me,” just say, “You look great today.” Putting yourself down is often a turn-off to a guy. Remember, you don’t need to break yourself down to build someone else up. There is nothing more attractive than someone interested in you while also being confident in themselves.

8. Flirt and tease him

I won’t lie; flirting can be tricky. Many people find it difficult and confusing and don’t really know how to do it. However, subtle flirtation can move a relationship from acquaintances or friends into a slightly more playful zone. Flirting doesn’t necessarily mean sexual references or comments (although if things are going well, these can be useful a little further down the line). Most of the time, flirting is a little less direct.

You can dip your toes into the slightly more playful territory by asking him some flirty questions. However, avoid topics that he might be self-conscious about. Body language is also an essential aspect of flirting. Frequent and prolonged eye contact and subtly playing with your hair are popular flirting techniques. You don’t have to be a pro at flirting to attract a man. Even if your attempts are a little awkward, he will most likely respond well if he likes you.

You don't have to be a pro at flirting to attract a man. Even if your attempts are a little awkward, he will most likely respond well if he likes you. Click To Tweet

9. Give hints

Making small but definite hints that you are interested in him sexually can really set his imagination running wild. If you are already dating the guy, you can even go so far as to tell him that you want to have sex with him later. However, if you are still at the stage of being a friend or acquaintance but gradually increasing flirtation, a better bet is to hint or joke about it.

A cheeky hint will definitely get a man’s attention. Letting him know that you’re interested but not spelling out what you want and when you want it can make him think about you until the next time you meet. If you go home separately at the end of a flirty night, he’ll be left wondering, “maybe next time,” and you’ll have him in the palm of your hand. This is one of the most potent and effective ways to make him want you.

10. React to his jokes

Not only do men love it when their jokes go down well, but they are also more likely to like people who laugh at their jokes. It doesn’t mean you should laugh uncontrollably at everything he says (unless he really is that hilarious and you can’t help yourself). But if you hear him say something that tickles you, don’t hide it that you found it funny.

When women laugh at their jokes, men often have a sense of achievement and validation, which increases their confidence. If you want him to feel confident that you are interested in him, this is an excellent way to do it. When the guy begins to associate your presence with feeling confident and validated, it will likely make him fall for you.

11. Dress to kill

dress to kill

Despite stereotypes, it is not always the case that men know nothing about clothes or fashion. While a guy may not follow haute couture trends, most men instinctively sense what looks good on a woman. How many movies have we seen where a girl who usually dresses down suddenly shows up to an event looking dazzling, turning the heads of every guy there? While this is often exaggerated, there is some truth in it. Putting in a bit of effort can really work wonders for getting a guy to notice you, even if he has only seen you as a friend or acquaintance before now.

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Dressing in a way that attracts men doesn’t necessarily mean wearing the most revealing outfit you can (although this works under certain circumstances). Wearing something that compliments your figure and reveals a bit of flesh while leaving something to the guy’s imagination is usually a good strategy.

12. Wear perfume

Science confirms that there is a connection between scent and sexual attraction. Odor can even be one of the most critical factors in the mates that we choose. After all, we are all animals!

Choosing the right scent is not a one-size-fits-all process. What works for someone else may not work for you. You should select a fragrance based on its smell and how it reacts with your own natural scent. I am not just talking about bad B.O. – however clean we are, each of us still has a natural scent due to pheromones. Test a new perfume when you are at home and around others before using it in front of the guy that you like. Don’t use too much—you get desensitized to your own scent quickly, so what smells mild to you may be overpowering to others.

13. Don’t be pushy or desperate

One of the biggest mistakes you can make when trying to attract a guy is being too straightforward and pushy. You will not only come across as needy (more on that later), but it also shows a lack of respect for the guy. While there is some truth that men often have sex on the brain, this is not a reason to assume he wants you if he has given no indication.

While going up to a guy and saying “take me home” will sometimes work getting him into bed, this approach usually ends in a one-night-stand or casual relationship. If dating is what you want, acting like this is rarely practical. Flirting and attraction are generally about creating tension and playing with it. The key to successful flirting is a “push and pull,” where you alternate between being a bit forward and playing a little harder to get. A middle ground between seeming desperate and seeming uninterested is best as it sparks mystery and intrigue.

The key to successful flirting is a 'push and pull,' where you alternate between being a bit forward and playing a little harder to get. Click To Tweet

14. Make him aware you have options

If you make it clear to a guy that you are there whenever he wants you, he is likely to become complacent in putting in the effort to keep your attention. This is how you end up in a situation where he takes you for granted and ignores you all week until he wants your attention and drops you that “come over” text. This is not a situation that you want to be in.

Letting a guy know that he may have competition for your attention is an excellent way to ensure that he doesn’t treat you as easy prey. I am not talking about being manipulative—you don’t have to invent a string of fictional male suitors with which he has to compete. However, casually mentioning that other guys have been texting you is an effective way to get him to step his game up and pursue you. Many men don’t realize what they have in a girl until they have competition.

15. Listen to him

Feeling heard and understood are basic human needs. Even if the other person cannot provide solutions to our problems or offer a fascinating new perspective on things, we all appreciate a good listener. This goes for both men and women.

Whether you are on a date with him, talking at a bar, or are at a group social event with your mutual friends, this is important. Making it clear that you are listening to and interested in what he has to say is extremely attractive to most men. Show that you are engaged in the conversation by maintaining eye contact and using body language. Leaning towards him rather than away from him and having your hands touch your hair or a drink rather than having your arms folded are ways of showing open and responsive body language.

16. Make him feel needed, but not too much

couple drinking tea and laughing

Feeling needed is an essential component of attraction and relationships for many men. While your independence can be charming, any trait taken to an extreme is likely to turn a guy off. If you act like you are indifferent to him, he may simply stop making an effort with you and find another woman who values him more. For most guys, it’s important to feel needed in a relationship.

On the other hand, coming across as clingy is also offputting. Don’t let the guy think that you are reliant on him for your happiness. Once again, the middle ground is the best option here. Make sure he knows that you really enjoy his company but are not dependent on it to survive. It is one of the best ways to make him want to see you more often.

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17. Support his interests

You probably want a partner who appreciates and supports your hobbies and interests. If a guy loves sports or live music, he probably dreams of having a girlfriend who loves to accompany him to these events! Of course, it is unrealistic to expect that your partner will share every one of your interests. Having separate hobbies is perfectly healthy in a relationship and should be no obstacle to being a happy couple. However, you should support the interests of someone that you care about, especially if you want to date that person!

Suppose a guy has interests that you find particularly offputting or even unpleasant. In that case, you should think twice about whether or not you want to date him. You can’t pretend forever that you are okay with things that you aren’t okay with, and sooner or later, disagreements will make a guy resent you. You should also make sure that your support for him is reciprocated if you do start dating him.

18. Have your own hobbies

Part of being independent and a well-rounded person is having your own interests outside of your dating life. Men usually don’t want a girlfriend who has no interests outside of their relationship. While it may sound good on the surface to have someone who can devote all of their time to them, in reality, this can be suffocating.

Whether your interest is music, painting, reading, sports, or theater, it doesn’t matter. Having a range of hobbies that don’t necessarily involve him or others is actually a desirable feature and helps you remain interesting to a man. Not to mention, talking about hobbies is a great way to get to know each other. Conversations with someone who has no interests are not usually very absorbing. Some more insecure men may feel threatened that you have your own bobbies, but you don’t want to date them anyway!

Part of being independent and a well-rounded person is having your own interests outside of your dating life. Click To Tweet

19. Speak your mind

Despite many stereotypes you may have heard, most men don’t want a submissive doormat for a girlfriend. The men who wish you to be a girlfriend who does not speak her mind are probably best avoided. You don’t want to hide how you feel to attract a man and then wake up one day ten years later to find you didn’t get anything you wanted in life.

Speaking your mind and being upfront about your opinions is not only good for your own wellbeing (preventing people from taking advantage of you) but is also an attractive trait. Of course, like every other example here, taking it to an extreme is not best. You can speak your mind and be direct and honest without being mean, rude, or controlling. If a guy does or says something that you aren’t happy with, let him know. Whatever his reaction, he is more likely to respect you and see you as an equal. For emotionally mature men, this is in no way a bad thing.

20. Let him miss you

There is truth in the old saying, “absence makes the heart grow fonder.” Whether you have just started dating a guy or are just getting to know each other and you hope he will see you as more than a friend, you may want to spend a lot of time around him. The urge to be around your crush can be overwhelming, and you may think that your presence will make him more likely to notice you. However, if you are around somebody too much, it can be easy to become overfamiliar. Always being around won’t make a guy want you because you’re already there!

This doesn’t mean you should avoid him either, of course. Try to keep a balance between being unavailable and being unavoidable. For example, if your group of coworkers or classmates goes out for drinks every Friday night, don’t think you have to always be there. If you have another offer or commitment, missing one event that he is at won’t turn him off. Sometimes, guys need someone to be absent, so they realize that they care about you. A guy may not realize just how much more fun he has when you are there until you’re not, and he’ll be looking forward to the next time he sees you.

While there are many ways to make a guy want you, sometimes a guy is simply not interested, and there is no way to convince him. If this is the case, don’t take it to heart—it doesn’t mean that there is anything wrong with you, just that the two of you are not particularly compatible. You can be the most gorgeous girl in the world, successful, hilarious, caring, and fun to be around, but not everyone will always want you. However, if you think you really connect with a guy you know and can sense a mutual attraction, these tips can help him see you as a potential match and even fall in love with you.

Brenda is relationships and lifestyle writer, coffee enthusiast, and a lover of new experiences. You’ll usually find her in a coffee shop with her laptop and a flat white scribbling down an article or searching for the next travel destination.

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