Is your sex life as great as you think? Aside from the snuggles and cuddles that most of us women find comforting, are you fully satisfied in bed or you tend to fake orgasm?
While a man’s orgasm has a clear and important function, which obviously is making babies, a woman’s orgasm has no known function except for the great pleasure it can provide. It’s a feeling that can’t be compared with anything else. It’s better than diving into a cool lake on a hot hot summer day, eating a huge cheeseburger when you are starving, or even finding or getting your wallet back after losing it on a vacation abroad. It’s even better than all those feelings together which is why it’s a shame that it doesn’t happen more often and for all of us. So yes, it does have a huge important function and that is to pleasure us in the best way possible. Do you allow yourself this pleasure? Have you discovered how? And also important, has your partner?
If you answered no or are in doubt about any of these questions, then read on to find out why you shouldn’t fake orgasm and let me help you set your relationship on the path that it deserves.
Don’t close your eyes to your own needs
While meeting the right man can be tough, having a great sex life is even harder, especially if you are lucky enough to be in a serious long term relationship. Often, we women want everything to be perfect, but when we actually fall in love with someone, there are some things we tend to close our eyes to. We might ignore a man who is less inclined to help out with the home or someone who doesn’t behave exactly like the guy of our dreams, because face it, no one of us are perfect and we make up for it in other ways. In my experience though, there is one thing I think we shouldn’t tolerate.
I am going to be real honest right here, many women I’ve met or talked to, close their eyes to the fact that they are not having orgasms? A serious relationship should not only be based on sex, but sex shouldn’t be avoided either and it should be fun and fulfilling for both partners.
Experience and education matters
At this point, I am 30 years old and yes, I’ve faked an orgasm before. There it goes! I am honest with you and I bet that we all did, am I right? When you are young and just beginning to explore your sexuality, you don’t know what to expect, you don’t know how boys should behave or not behave for that matter. You’ve probably picked up a general idea about how sex goes from TV, books or the Internet – or if you are lucky, sexual education in school. Sex is still not something you’ll master from the first go, far from it in fact. You may have heard “20-year-olds have plenty of sex, but the 40-year-olds are actually enjoying it.”
I had my first orgasm about 7 years ago and since then I completely changed the way I look at men, my idea of what sex is and how it should be. It’s amazing! After all, Like Samantha from Sex and the City says: “The good ones screw you, the bad ones screw you and the rest don’t know how to screw you” so make sure you pick the right ones.
The benefits of orgasm
For most men, you being able to have an orgasm is a huge turn on. You don’t believe me? From a man’s perspective, giving a woman an orgasm makes them feel accomplished and proud. But if so, does it really matter if you fake orgasm or if it’s for real?
Yes! Orgasms are healthy for us, there are real medical benefits you’ll miss out on if you fake it: they make you happy of course, they regulate your menstruation, alleviate pain and make you look both younger and fresher. In fact in an astonishing study nicknamed “the longevity project”, dating all the way back to 1921 and covering over 1500 individuals, researchers found that women who had a higher frequency of orgasms during intercourse, tended to live longer than their less fortunate and fulfilled peers. Orgasms also strengthen the relationship with your partner, at the moment it happens both your and his brains are flooded with the bonding hormone oxytocin, which brings you closer together and they see you with totally different eyes. The benefits are many and the science is there to back it up.
While you may think faking an orgasm is something you just got to do now and then and it will get better, you are actually telling him that the moves or positions he used got you excited, so what do you think he’ll do next time? He will repeat them again – is that something you want?
Are you honest to your partner?
A relationship with a lie in something so core as sex is not a good way to go. You may disagree and think it’s just a small thing, it doesn’t matter and you’re just doing it to keep your partner happy, but let me tell you why you are wrong.
Faking orgasm is the same as lying about anything else. You are telling him that he is doing a great job and you enjoy it, while you don’t.
Traditionally, many women feel the need sacrifice for our partners and family. We work harder, we feel the responsibility to clean, to cook and make sure everything is taken care of. But we live in different century. Mentality and priorities have changed completely. So don’t give away your pleasure for your partner’s sense of self worth, especially when you can have both.
That doesn’t mean it must happen every time you have sex. Personally, sometimes I just don’t feel like having an orgasm, I might not be in the mood or I might be too and that is OK, I just make myself clear about it. A women can still enjoy sex without getting off all the time, just in different ways but I make sure my partner is aware of it.
How to get that big O
For some women orgasms are hard to achieve, in fact experts say that 70 percent of women rarely or almost never have an orgasm during intercourse. You don’t need to be an expert or act like a porn star in bed, in my experience it’s more about how you relax, let go and explore ways to get to an orgasm, either by yourself or with your partner. Which brings me to my next question, do you know how to give yourself an orgasm? If not, this is something you have to figure out first. You need to be able to guide him and tell him what you do and what not to do: what you like and what works for you. All women are different when it comes to this and we all need different types of stimulation to archive that big finish. Set some private time aside and experiment for yourself. For some, this may be intimidating at first but if you don’t know your own body, how can you expect your partner will?
So now maybe it’s time to have that awkward conversation letting them know how you feel and how it can get better. Don’t ignore it and hope it’ll go away in time, because trust me it won’t, in fact it’ll likely only get worse so why not confront it? Talk about it openly and do something about it. You deserve orgasms as much as him and in my opinion, even more.
After reading this article, I hope you realise that is probably not a good idea to fake orgams. Life is short and we need to live it to fullest. Besides, once to get to enjoy one or two orgasms you will not want to stop, trust me.