dirty funny pick up lines

While most pick-up lines are a pretty corny way to try to seduce a girl, when used with a dash of playfulness and wit, they can really make her laugh. Studies show that humor, especially when self-deprecating, is highly attractive to women.

Whether you’ve been chatting with a girl for a while or you are just introducing yourself, here are some of the best tongue-in-cheek, dirty pick-up lines to show the girl your funny side.

Classic pick-up lines

Sometimes you can’t go wrong with the classics. You may well have heard some of these pick-up lines before, and the girl almost definitely has—but the retro cheese can really make her laugh.

  1. If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
  2. My magic watch says you’re not wearing any underwear. Oh, you are? It must be an hour fast.
  3. I’ve got a to-do list, and you’re on it.
  4. What time do you get off? Mind if I watch?
  5. Excuse me, does my tongue taste strange to you?
  6. How do you like your eggs—scrambled, poached, or fertilized?
  7. Is that a mirror in your pants? Because I think I can see myself in them.
  8. Do you sleep on your stomach? Can I?
  9. I’d hate to see you go, but I’d love to watch you walk away.
  10. Nice legs, what time do they open?
  11. If one of your legs was Christmas and the other was Thanksgiving, would you let me visit for dinner between the holidays?
  12. Nice pants, can I test the zipper?
  13. I lost my virginity. Can I have yours?
  14. Your ankles look like they’re having a party. Why don’t you invite your pants down?
  15. Your eyes are like spanners. When I look at them, my nuts tighten.
  16. Are you bored? Because I’d love to nail you.
  17. Is that a cellphone in your pocket? Because that ass is calling me!
  18. Are you from the West Indies? Because Jamaican me horny.

Cute pick-up lines

guy and cute girl smiling

Girls love to be complimented. If you’re looking for something more on the sweet than on the suggestive side, these cute pick-up lines can make her blush and laugh. Thankfully, I’ve avoided anything too schmaltzy or sentimental!

  1. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put U and I together.
  2. Can I borrow a kiss? Promise I’ll give it back.
  3. Hey girl, are you a campfire? Because you’re hot and I want s’more.
  4. I’ve got a library card. Can I check you out?
  5. Is it hot in here, or is it just you?
  6. Have you got a shovel? Because I’m digging you.
  7. I think I’m going to fall madly in bed with you.
  8. Are you a beaver? ‘Cos dam.
  9. Apart from being ridiculously sexy, what do you do for a living?
  10. Are you a fruit? Because you’re a fine-apple.
  11. Are you ice cream? Because I want to spoon you.
  12. Do you smoke? Because weed be cute together.
  13. You’re hotter than the bottom of my laptop.
  14. My Spotify sucks. It showed me the hottest singles, and missed you out!

Cheeky pick-up lines

guy with two girls on the beach

If you’re looking for something a little bit (but not too much!) dirtier, these lines can turn the heat up slightly and show a glimpse of your naughty side.

  1. Excuse me, could you tell your boobs to stop staring at my eyes?
  2. I bet my tongue can beat up your tongue.
  3. Are you my boss? Because you’ve given me a raise.
  4. They call me a fireman because I find them hot and leave them wet.
  5. That dress looks great on you, but it would look even better on my bedroom floor.
  6. Are you a sea lion? Because I can sure sea you lion in my bed tonight.
  7. What’s a nice girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine?
  8. I’m a pirate, and I’m after your booty.
  9. Are you interested in saving on your water bill? Because we could just shower together.
  10. Hey girl, did you sit in a pile of sugar? Because you’ve got a pretty sweet ass.
  11. Want to be my dirty little secret?
  12. You know pizza is my second favorite thing I want to eat in bed tonight.
  13. What winks and then screws like a tiger? 😉
  14. Feeling down? I can feel you up.
  15. You remind me of a poster. You look good, and I’d love to pin you up against my wall.
  16. Did you buy those pants on sale? At my place, they’re 100% off.
  17. I’ve been having trouble sleeping lately. Want to come and sleep with me?
  18. Cute dress, can I talk you out of it?
  19. Are you a football player? Because I’d love you to touchdown here.
  20. I don’t want kids, but I’d like to practice my baby-making technique with you.
  21. I was feeling a little off today, then you turned me on.
  22. You’ll have that body for the rest of your life, but I only want it for one night.
  23. Want to go on an “ate”? I’ll give you the D later.
  24. Are you a daycare center? Because I want to put my kids in you.
  25. This is dangerous. You’ve got all these curves, and I’ve got no brakes.
  26. I’m bisexual. I buy you a drink, then we get sexual.
  27. I heard you are what you eat, and I want to be a beautiful woman.
  28. They call me “trampoline” because I’m fun to bounce up and down on.
  29. Need an inhaler? Because you’ve got ass, ma.
  30. I’m like a Rubix Cube. The more you play with me, the harder I get.
  31. Do you come here often, or do you wait till you’re home?
  32. Are you a lumberjack? Because you’re giving me wood.
  33. Let’s play strip poker. You strip, and I’ll poke ya.
  34. I had a wet dream about you last night. Wanna make it come true?
  35. My name’s Haywood. Haywood Jablomie.
  36. Would you like a hotdog to go with those buns?
  37. So what am I making you for breakfast tomorrow?
  38. What are you doing tonight? I mean, besides me?
  39. Do you like sleeping? Me too, we should do it together sometime.

Nerdy pick-up lines

cheeky girl

If your girl is more into Star Wars than Sephora or computing than clubbing, these nerdy pick-up lines will woo any gorgeous geek. Set your phasers to stunning.

  1. Is your name Winter? Because you’ll be coming soon.
  2. You’re like a sister to me… and I mean in the Lannister sense.
  3. Are you a revolutionary? Because you’re causing an uprising in my pants.
  4. I hope you like dragons because I’ll be dragon my balls across your face tonight.
  5. I’m no Pokemon trainer, but I’d love to catch a Pikachu.
  6. Wanna play Tetris? I’ll give you a long one.
  7. Would you mind if I Slytherin to your Chamber of Secrets?
  8. One night with me, and they’ll all be calling you Moaning Myrtle.
  9. There are 206 bones in the human body; want one more?
  10. Your Bosons are giving me a Large Hadron.
  11. Wanna exchange genetic information with me?
  12. Are you Darth Vader? Because I’ll let you use a little force to choke me.
  13. They say I’m a Jedi in the streets but a Sith in the sheets.
  14. Do you have The Force? Because you’ve made part of me move without even touching it.
  15. Are you a superhero? Because you’ll feel Thor in the morning.
  16. Call me Frodo Baggins because I’ve come to destroy your ring.
  17. Are there orcs nearby, or are you just happy to see me?
  18. Mind if I come inside your hobbit hole?
  19. Do you like Star Trek? Because you and I could start The Next Generation.
  20. Girl, you’re turning my software into hardware.
  21. Are you sitting on my F5 key? Because that ass is refreshing.
  22. Are you the new Xbox? Because I heard you’re backward compatible.
  23. They call me advanced calculus because I’m really hard.
  24. Are you into trigonometry? Because your tan really makes me want to sin.

Self-deprecating pick-up lines

guy winking

Arrogance can be a real turn off to women. Why not go the other direction with some self-deprecating lines to make her laugh? These lines have the advantage of showing your humility as well as your humor.

  1. Are you looking for a stud? Because I’ve got the STD and all I need is U.
  2. Roses are red, violets are blue. I’m not good at poems. Want to have sex?
  3. What’s the difference between a Ferrari and a boner? I don’t have a Ferrari right now.
  4. Can I put my thingy into your thingy?
  5. Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because I’ve got a boner… no wait, I messed that one up!
  6. Are you my pinky toe? Because I’m gonna bang you on every piece of furniture in my house.
  7. My dick’s been feeling a little dead lately. Wanna give it some mouth-to-mouth?
  8. I lost my keys, can I check your pants?
  9. You ever feel a little cocky? Want to?
  10. I may not be Mr. Right, but I’ll stand in until he shows up.
  11. I hate waste, and these condoms are about to expire. Would you mind helping me out?
  12. Fancy a 68? You go down on me, and I’ll owe you one.
  13. Are you a haunted house? Because I’m scared to come inside you.
  14. Are you my shower? Because I wanna cry inside you.
  15. Want to have really great sex? No? Then come back to mine!
  16. Would you like me to give you the best thirty seconds of your life?
  17. Are you my life? Because I want you over.
  18. Are you a toaster? Because I’d love to take a bath with you.
  19. You want 12 inches of dick tonight? We can have sex 4 times!
  20. They call me The Appendix because I have no use and suddenly burst inside you.
  21. Ever slept with an ugly guy? No? Do you want to?
  22. Are we gonna have sex tonight, or do I have to lie to my friends about it?
  23. I’m terrible at pickup lines. Wanna go have sex?
  24. I can’t wait to disappoint you so hard tonight.
  25. I know I’m a pain in the ass, that’s why lube exists!
  26. I’m hung like a Tic-Tac. Wanna go freshen your breath?
  27. Call me Tony Montana because I want you to say hello to my little friend.
  28. Do you like guys with big dicks? No? That’s a relief!
  29. I lost my teddy bear, would you sleep with me?
  30. Hey girl, you’re a 9 out of 10, and I’m the 1 you need.

Pick-up lines to use in a bar or club

guy picking up girl in a bar

Some pick-up lines work much better face-to-face, especially when trying to pick up a girl in a bar or nightclub setting. Again, humor is the order of the day here!

  1. I might be wasted, but this condom in my pocket doesn’t need to be.
  2. Why don’t you give your roommate some peace and not come home tonight?
  3. There’s a question I’ve been meaning to ask you. Your place or mine?
  4. Want me to help you burn off the calories from that drink?
  5. Are you looking for a seat? My face is right here.
  6. Want to come home with me tonight and watch porn on my mirror?
  7. I don’t sleep with strangers, so how about we get to know each other quickly?
  8. They say there’s plenty of fish in the sea, but you’re the one I want to catch and mount.
  9. My friend wants your number so he can get a hold of me in the morning.
  10. Do you like casual sex, or shall I put a tuxedo on, and we can call it formal sex?
  11. Smile if you want to have sex with me.
  12. Do you sleep with strangers? No? Then allow me to introduce myself.
  13. Let’s play carpenter. We get hammered, then I nail you.
  14. I made you come with one finger. Imagine what I can do with the rest of me! (After beckoning her over with your index finger)
  15. You’ve been very naughty, go to my room!
  16. You should stop drinking because you’re driving me home tonight.
  17. Fancy some Sex On the Beach? And what about a drink first?
  18. I think I lost my dog, would you like to help me find it? I think he went into this motel room across the street.

Tinder pick-up lines

girl reading message smiling

We’ve all been there: matching with a cutie after swiping on Tinder, Hinge, or Bumble and not knowing what to say to get the conversation moving. While there are plenty of sincere or flattering Tinder openers out there, flirty and witty lines such as these are usually more effective!

  1. I have a confession: I’ve wanted to make love to you for 10 whole minutes.
  2. Roses are red, violets are blue. We just matched on Tinder. Now we should screw.
  3. They say Tinder is a numbers game, so can I get yours?
  4. Just thought I’d send you my Wi-Fi password to save you asking for it when you come to mine. (After sending your Wi-Fi password)
  5. Are you Tinderella? Because I’m gonna make that dress disappear tonight.
  6. You look like trouble 😉
  7. We matched 5 minutes ago, and you haven’t hit on me yet, how rude!
  8. We’ve got 2 options here. We either meet up tonight for a date, get on really well and end up getting married and having kids before our
  9. relationship dies. We both turn to drink and get a bitter divorce that ruins our kids’ lives. OR we meet up tonight, hook up with protection, and
  10. never have to see each other again. Just think of the kids!
  11. I was just wondering how you pronounce your phone number?
  12. Truth or dare?
  13. So what did you swipe right on me for? Intellectual conversation, crazy adventures, mindblowing sex, or all of the above?

Really dirty pick-up lines

woman licking ice cream

When you’re done beating around the bush and want to get straight down to the point, these dirty pick-up lines will make your intentions crystal clear. Just make sure it’s the right time and place to use them!

  1. Are you a raisin? Because you’re raisin’ my dick.
  2. I might not go down in history, but I’ll definitely go down on you.
  3. Your legs are like headphones. I wanna wrap them around my ears and listen to you sing.
  4. I’m no weatherman, but I think you’ll be getting a few inches tonight.
  5. Don’t you work at Subway? I swear you just gave me a footlong.
  6. You remind me of a stack of dishes. I wanna get you wet and do you all night long.
  7. Do you believe in karma? Because I know some excellent. Karma Sutra positions.
  8. Are you an escalator? Because I want to go down on you.
  9. Are you a shark? Because I’ve got some swimmers that you can swallow.
  10. You look like you’re into fitness. Fitness dick in your mouth.
  11. They call me Titanic. You be the iceberg, and I’ll go down.
  12. Let’s play a house. You be the door, and I’ll slam you.
  13. Are you an archaeologist? I’ve got a bone you can examine.
  14. Are you a chicken farmer? Because you sure know how to raise a cock.
  15. Do you like to draw? Because I put the D in Raw.
  16. Do you sell hotdogs? Because you know how to make a wiener stand.
  17. Someone told me girls hate having orgasms; want to help me prove them wrong?
  18. I like every bone in your body, including mine.
  19. They call me The Cat Whisperer because I know exactly what a pussy needs.
  20. You ever heard of an Australian kiss? It’s like a French kiss but Down Under.
  21. Are you a doctor? Because I think you just cured my ED.
  22. Are you a chicken graveyard? Because I’ve got a cock to bury in you.
  23. If I flip this coin, what are the chances of me getting head?
  24. The only reason I’d kick you out of bed would be to do you on the floor.
  25. After tonight there’ll only be 7 planets because I’m gonna destroy Uranus.
  26. Are you a tortilla? Because I’d love to flip you over then eat you out.
  27. I’m a freelance gynecologist. Would you like a checkup?
  28. That dress looks very becoming on you. If I was on you, I’d be coming too.
  29. Are you from the Philippines? Because I wanna fill you with my peen.
  30. Do you know what I like in a girl? Me.
  31. Remember my name, you’ll be screaming it later.
  32. Scream as loud as you like, I’ll have your thighs for earmuffs.
  33. I hope you’ve got pet insurance because I’m gonna murder that pussy.
  34. Are you my homework? Because I’m not doing you, but I really should be.
  35. Are you my homework? Because I’m gonna do you on my desk.
  36. Are you Irish? Because when I see you, my dick’s Dublin.
  37. I don’t have your virginity, but can I have the box it came in?
  38. I’m jealous of your heart because it’s pumping inside you, and I’m not.
  39. I like your shirt. Can I try it on after we have sex?
  40. Roses are red, violets are fine. You be the 6, and I’ll be the 9.
  41. Are you a drill sergeant? Because you’ve got my privates standing to attention.
  42. I’m not into watching sunsets, but I’d love to watch you go down.
  43. You’re like a fish. If I caught you, I wouldn’t know whether to eat you or mount you.
  44. Let’s have a BBQ. I’ll bring the hotdog, you bring the bun.
  45. I’m bored of playing doctor, let’s play gynecologist.
  46. Are you the chicken or the egg? Either way, I’ll make sure you come first.
  47. Your bone structure is giving my bone structure.
  48. If guys think with their dicks, can you blow my mind?

Most of the time, pick-up lines are best used to build a connection through humor rather than expect instant results. Let’s be honest—most girls aren’t going to throw themselves at you and come back to your place after a single line!

It is important to remember to be respectful and not cross a line when using pick-up lines. You should assess that person’s sense of humor and personality before trying one out—you don’t want to offend a complete stranger and end up with a drink thrown in your face!

If you can use these pick up lines with humor and respect, you can make her laugh and potentially set up more intimate dates.

Andy is a storyteller who loves good books and good jokes. In the rare moments he isn't writing, you can find him jogging in the park or perfecting barbeque ribs.

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